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Original poster

Ashes jewellery/Scattering - how do you feel about it?

63 replies

Dipsydoodlenoodle · 22/01/2024 08:03

As the title says really. How do you feel about it?

I recently (unfortunately) came in possession of some ashes, people asked if I was going to put some into jewellery - which got me thinking...

If people scatter their Ashes in different places (a friend did this for each holiday as their parent wanted to travel), are you not worried that you've scatterd a leg here, an arm there, a nipple there etc.

As for jewellery, what if your beautiful piece of jewellery displays a bumhole?

I mean, I know I'm being ridiculous and I've always thought the jewellery was nice until I became in possession of Ashes.

My dad has requested he's scattered when he goes, so with his wish, I'll do that, but to me it just feels odd that he won't be all together.

What are your thoughts?

OP posts:
pickledandpuzzled · 22/01/2024 08:08

I think you have to thoroughly think through all those ideas and see how it feels. Because people will say ‘aren’t you worried that…’ and you need to be able to ride that out!

It doesn’t worry me- I’m interested in what helps people survive their grief. DF is in a bag under mum’s bed until she finds exactly the right thing. I went through loads of possibilities with her, hoping one of them would stick. It seems that she basically wants a shrine for him, and is in the process of arranging it.

Me, I want the minimum impact possible, so was thinking of a natural burial.

Some families divide the ashes among them and all do their own thing.

Just as there was enough of the person to go round in life, there’s enough in death. We are more than the sum of our body parts. They are just a token of who we are.

Jb2182 · 22/01/2024 08:09

I completely agree with you but more because I would hate the thought of the ashes being separated, meaning they can't settle in the afterlife because they have been split. Like you say, ridiculous but you just never know!!! The idea of scattering ashes is just so lovely and calming though. So much nicer then having a grave to tend to. Although,I do understand that some people prefer having a grave as a place to go and think about their lost loved one etc.

DustyLee123 · 22/01/2024 08:36

I don’t like the idea of them being split, and a bit slung around someone’s neck. But that’s me.

KindleGirlie · 22/01/2024 09:07

I had a ring made with my dad’s ashes and scattered the rest. I love having the ring on, and feel as though he’s with me. When I go shopping I will joke around and say things like ‘your turn to pay Dad’ etc. It brings me comfort. I wouldn’t judge what anyone else does - grief is horrid and whatever you need to do it cope.

I really hope it isn’t his bum hole in my ring though 😂

blobby10 · 22/01/2024 09:11

When my partner died, I wanted to honour his (told to me) wishes and scatter his ashes in a place special to him. His brothers ignored that and interred his ashes with their parents which initially really upset me. We had only been 'dating' 5 years so I really didn't have any say in anything. Someone suggested asking if I could have some of his ashes to scatter but, like a PP said, it felt totally wrong as in how can I scatter an arm or leg in one place and bury the rest?!!

annieloulou · 22/01/2024 09:16

Before my mum died I would have found the idea of ashes jewellery ridiculous and weird. But I found that my opinion changed afterwards.

My mum wanted to be scattered in a particular location which I did about a year after she died, with DH, DS and DD ( both kids early 20s). We made a bit of a weekend of it (river in market town about 100 miles from where we live). (My advice is ‘go low’ with the container, when doing the scattering, or it might blow back onto someone even on a non-windy day 😂).

I also ordered a ring, you only need an absolutely minuscule amount of ashes for this. I chose a colour that mum liked and only ever wear it now and then. Like a PP, I might wear to go somewhere and say ‘ come on DM, we’ll go to Southport/Venice/Wales today’. I don’t wear it very often but I have it and it is a small comfort.

Peteryourhorseishere · 22/01/2024 09:16

I have the same thoughts.

Ashes all in the same place. my fathers will soon be buried in the churchyard he was christened at.

LadyPoison · 22/01/2024 09:16

I make quite a lot of ashes jewellery. In fact I’m working on one now. This one is actually dog fur in a channel ring though.

It’s getting more and more popular. It’s not something I would want for myself though and DM has forbidden me to do it to her. Not that I would!

Like all things you get what you pay for and resin set jewellery will start to yellow quite quickly

Alicehatter · 22/01/2024 09:44

I have one necklace with some of both my parents in, and it brings me immense comfort to wear it and know they're together. Oddly, even though I've just used the word 'some', I never think of it that way - never crosses my mind that I could have a nipple or pubes 🤣 I think of it as though they're 'whole' even though it would be physically impossible for me to carry round their whole ashes every day! As pp's have said, I sometimes talk to them.
Each to their own though - even my own brother thinks I'm ridiculous and that ashes are just a pile of dust. Whatever helps you through grief. * *

JollyHostess101 · 22/01/2024 09:47

I have a ring with my mums ashes that I wear all the time now going to get one made with both her and my dads ashes to replace! It feels like she’s always with me on all my adventures in life!!

My mums ashes are in a few different places that she loved but Dad was definite about where he wants his so they’ll all be going there minus the fraction I’ll use for my ring!!

Mabelface · 22/01/2024 10:28

I have some of mum's ashes for when I can afford a pendant that'll join my tree of life pendant on a chain. I have a curl of hers wrapped up and in my purse so she's always with me.

GreatGateauxsby · 22/01/2024 10:37

As for jewellery, what if your beautiful piece of jewellery displays a bumhole?

😅😅😅 this made me spit out my tea

I am very 50/50 on this I think it’s quite personal.

I generally hate things like pandora jewellery and I think a lot of this type of memorial jewellery is often tacky but that’s really down to design…so while on one hand I think it’s be a bit twee…

On the other hand god forbid anything happens to anyone close to me I can def imagine wanting some jewellery made so that I can keep that person close to me (bumhole and all!)

LadyPoison · 22/01/2024 10:43

I think a lot of this type of memorial jewellery is often tacky but that’s really down to design…so while on one hand I think it’s be a bit twee…

Some of it is I agree. I often set the ashes behind a stone. Sometimes I’ll reset an existing piece of jewellery which has sentimental meaning or make something suitable from scratch. I’ve even used junk jewellery for one client who had a personal reason. That was a challenge as I had to replace just one stone from a cluster with an exact colour match!

My personal favourite though is to seal them inside a solid silver vial which can be gilded, engraved, etched or stone set.

Plexie · 22/01/2024 10:49

I've always thought that a lot of the ashes are actually the wood from the coffin.

It's all mixed up so of course you aren't scattering individual body parts.

No to the idea of jewellery. Apart from it containing only a minuscule part of the person, what if it got lost or stolen? You'd be devastated.

clarepetal · 22/01/2024 10:51

I have my dad's ashes in a necklace. I have also thought 'What if I've got dad's bum hole?' And then laugh to myself as he would have said the same thing.
It's a massive comfort to have him with me everyday, I miss him so much.

Keepingittogetherstepbystep · 22/01/2024 10:53

Its definitely an each to their own topic IMHO.

My dad wanted to go to places that just wasn't feasible so we part scattered his ashes at the cemetery and have a tube with the remainder in.

We have a couple of jewellery pieces I actually filed myself. It was incredibly hard to do but also brought me some peace.

Sadly covid interfered with our plans so we haven't been able to scatter the remainder of his ashes yet. Hoping to do that his year.

I just want to be put in a firework and sent on my way.

PaulGalico1 · 22/01/2024 10:53

A friend of my DM runs a bridal boutique making and selling all the extras such as hair clips, headdresses and such. She recently diversified into this type of jewellery. Personally I do think the pieces look tacky and wouldn't want one myself but clearly they appeal to a lot of people. It also feels quite morbid, like a throwback to the victorian era rather than a celebration of someone's life.

CatamaranViper · 22/01/2024 10:54

Both DH and I want to donate our organs and remaining body parts to science so in theory we won't have anything left. A part of me is a bit unsure about how that would be for any remaining family and I'm tempted to have a plan B in case.

I really don't want to be turned into a ring or necklace or whatever. What happens when the person who wore me then dies? I can picture me ending up in a pawn shop years down the line or having some poor descendant with boxes full of bits of dead ancestors.

I'd be happy to be a tree though.

redheadsaregreat · 22/01/2024 10:57

Missing the point. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. The whole point is once we have gone, all that is left of our earthly remains is just dust. It is not us. That which was us has gone. Where depends on your outlook. Heaven? Reincarnated? Into the collective consciousness?

There is no more bum hole or leg or nipple. It's just dust. And tyre is something beautiful about returning that to nature. To the universe where we all started. Matter is never created or destroyed. It just changes form.

BeaRF75 · 22/01/2024 10:57

It is personal choice. Ash is just ash as far as I am concerned. The thought of putting it into jewellery is just...... no (the only polite way to put it). Ditto scattering - it's ash, it's not a person. When I die, they can chuck my ashes in a bin or on a flower bed, I really don't care, it's just rubbish disposal. But everyone is different, so....

redheadsaregreat · 22/01/2024 10:58

What does kind of make me not want jewellery made of ashes is my cynicism. I'm not confident what I'd be getting is the ashes of my loved one. I feel like I'd be getting some random ash which is pointless. It's all just ash but the sentiment is there when you feel it's the ashes of your loved one.

MissusKay · 22/01/2024 10:58

If it makes you feel better OP cremains are almost all pulverized bone.

Memorial jewelry with cremains is not for me but I can see how it works bring comfort. We scattered out ILs according to their preferences, but if it was up to me we would have kept the remains at home in urns. It's all highly personal though. Do what works for you

PencilsInSpace · 22/01/2024 10:59

When Mum died she couldn't be scattered in the same part of the cemetery as Dad because that part was apparently now 'full' so we kept back a small amount of her ashes and scattered them where Dad was when nobody was looking.

It was important to us that they were together and this was the best we could do.

pickledandpuzzled · 22/01/2024 11:00

I would worry about losing it. There are often posts where people have lost them- and what a worry that would be. What a responsibility and what a loss.

Wictc · 22/01/2024 11:00

The temperature is around 1800 degrees. A lot of the body is released as gas, so the whole body won’t be there anyway, just some of the bits of bone.