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Original poster

Feel forced into abortion due to finances

116 replies

PolledandBolled · 20/01/2024 20:22

I’d love some advice. I recently found I’m pregnant while in hospital for something completely unrelated. It’s tricky as I wasn’t trying (have copper coil) and the dad is my now ex boyfriend I split with over Christmas. He’s already seeing someone else.

I paid for a private scan this week and I’m 9 weeks. I would like to keep the baby as I’m 29, I have PCOS so periods are irregular and I think I’d make a good mum. It’s just the finances.

I’ve told my ex and he doesn’t want involvement (now blocked) which is fine by me. I know he earns around 26,000 so CMS calculator says this will be £260 a month.

Im mainly worried about maternity leave. I normally earn 1900 after tax but my maternity leave is as follows

8 weeks full pay
16 weeks half pay
Rest SMP

my current bills (I’m going to be really honest)

Car finance- £230
Rent-£700
Utility bills including WiFi- £400
Credit Cards- £150 (minimum amount)
Car insurance- 55.00
Tax- 16
Phone- 48
£1489
Leaves 361 for food/petrol/socialising on a normal month. I have 7.00 in my savings account post Christmas!

I just don’t know how I’m going to survive when my maternity leave goes to 800/900 pound because even with maintenance it’s still going to be only 1100 which won’t cover my bills let alone anything else.

I’ve had some debt left over from my uni days (funded everything myself and couldn’t work as did social work and was on placement) and I’ve been trying hard to pay it off and I’m so worried about missing payments and getting a CCJ.

My parents are not in a financial position to support, they may help with childcare (help my brother currently twice a week and my nephew is going to school in September) but won’t be able to help with money. £700 rent is cheap for our area and I don’t want to sell my car really as I think it’ll isolate me as public transport isn’t great.

I just feel so trapped. My long term plan was to pay off my debt and save for maternity please but this is unexpected of course.

OP posts:
LostinBognor · 22/01/2024 18:57

@PolledandBolled don't listen to these people - they are the kind that pressure and guilt women into a abortion which they don't want. Having a raising a child is just about the least selfish act you can do. There are many organizations who want to help. Don't let people like this make your decision, decide for yourself.

Having a child gives you so much motivation and focus, the majority of women make it work, as many single mums have already stated on this thread.

WithACatLikeTread · 22/01/2024 19:19

thebestinterest · 22/01/2024 18:27

Are you mental? Exactly what are the benefits to single parenting? C’mon now! Unless your partner was a total deadbeat there’s no benefit. We KNOW that children in two parent homes have an advantage. This has been proven. Some even call it the two parent privilege. More money, more resources, more attention. As a single parent, You cannot give a child what you can give them in a two parent home. End of.

And to the pps saying she can get housing and all these benefits… just wow. Way to encourage a welfare situation. Utterly gross.

it honestly says a lot about the op though, and her ambition-less way of moving about life. I could not imagine being totally okay with putting myself on a poverty trajectory because!?!? Because I want a baby. Jesus. Now if I were 40 I might consider that, but holy hell…

Show quote history

That is what the welfare system is for-people who find themselves in difficult situations. I am not sure why you seem so hell bent on convincing OP to have an abortion? It is up to the OP. Last thing she needs is someone to criticise her and call into question her intelligence.

Sunnysideupagain · 22/01/2024 19:20

thebestinterest · 22/01/2024 18:27

Are you mental? Exactly what are the benefits to single parenting? C’mon now! Unless your partner was a total deadbeat there’s no benefit. We KNOW that children in two parent homes have an advantage. This has been proven. Some even call it the two parent privilege. More money, more resources, more attention. As a single parent, You cannot give a child what you can give them in a two parent home. End of.

And to the pps saying she can get housing and all these benefits… just wow. Way to encourage a welfare situation. Utterly gross.

it honestly says a lot about the op though, and her ambition-less way of moving about life. I could not imagine being totally okay with putting myself on a poverty trajectory because!?!? Because I want a baby. Jesus. Now if I were 40 I might consider that, but holy hell…

Show quote history

As a single parent ( through divorce) I’m a bit bemused by your anger.

I’ve always agreed that the ideal is two loving supportive parents under the same roof. You’re right- it means pooling resources. However, there are so many variables that it’s kind of meaningless. And your argument only really holds water in a traditional set up with stay at home wife who can give the kids all that extra time and attention.

so many married parents I know may be better off, but both parents work, so there doesn’t seem to be much in terms of extra free time together. So many parents I know are in strained, unhealthy and even abusive marriages because it’s ‘better’ for the kids.

Id be interested in digging into this research which shows kids are happier in two parent homes- as there are very likely to be other factors at play here.

could you post a link?

Dacadactyl · 22/01/2024 19:53

All these "pro choice" posters just gunning for you to have an abortion when you've said you don't want one. Just awful!

OP, you can make it work. Where there's a will there's a way.

Beezknees · 22/01/2024 20:42

thebestinterest · 22/01/2024 18:31

Finally, so damn sense.

I’m outraged at the number of people telling her she should do it because she wants it. You nailed it. She’s utterly selfish.

I’m imagining she’ll try to also go after the dad for maintenance because she’ll need every penny she can get to barely scratch by. Imagine living life this way when you absolutely had a choice? Straight out of a trailer park man.

Show quote history

Get a bloody grip.

username268 · 22/01/2024 21:24

@thebestinterest Anonymity does not give you license to say whatever you want. Sure, have your opinion, but think for a moment about how your words may hurt others reading this thread. You sound close-minded and, in my view, pretty out of touch.

Tumbleweed101 · 22/01/2024 21:31

If you want to keep your baby then you will find a way to manage. As others have said, cut back on what you can before baby comes along.

You will be able to get help through UC (child element and likely to include housing help), Child benefit and possibly maintenance. Do you have a good support network around you other than your ex partner? This really makes a difference too. Babies don't need much early on, especially if you breast feed. Second hand clothes and baby equipment are cheap.

Alwaysanotherwine · 23/01/2024 19:58

who strives to ‘manage’ though?

if something happens in life then so be it but to start out knowing you and your child will struggle seems so unnecessary

and not to mention the stress of your child spending half the week with another family

LostinBognor · 23/01/2024 20:14

Many women would always chose their child and a modest life, over gambling on an idyllic future when life comes together perfectly. Many women have missed the window for having a child entirely hoping for that.

SharonHughes77 · 23/01/2024 20:16

Don't do it.
All those other things will seem like nothing compared to the joy of holding your little baby in your arms.

Choose life and don't be afraid.

Babyboomtastic · 23/01/2024 20:32

Dacadactyl · 22/01/2024 19:53

All these "pro choice" posters just gunning for you to have an abortion when you've said you don't want one. Just awful!

OP, you can make it work. Where there's a will there's a way.

The thing is, they aren't even 'pro choice ', they are simply pro the OP having an abortion.

The OP has made it crystal clear what her choice is, she's just trying to see if it can work. Shouldn't we respect her choice?

SuperBored · 23/01/2024 20:39

Not a popular opinion, but as a full-time working single parent myself on more than you, I would say that I wouldn't go through with it.

SharonHughes77 · 23/01/2024 20:46

Where's your decency?
This is a baby and you are supposed to be a mother, how can you go banging on about single parenting and such when there's so many avenues for single mothers these days.
Would you advocate for the mass murder of every child who only lives with one of their parents?
How would you like it if another woman came to your house and took your child's life just because money is tight at that time?

Senseless barbarism leads to nowhere but pain and heartache and you of all people as a mother should know that the smile on a child's face is priceless, hearing them say "I love you" is priceless.

Beezknees · 23/01/2024 20:47

Alwaysanotherwine · 23/01/2024 19:58

who strives to ‘manage’ though?

if something happens in life then so be it but to start out knowing you and your child will struggle seems so unnecessary

and not to mention the stress of your child spending half the week with another family

Most people, even couples, nowadays are "managing" in this climate. Not many people can say they are comfortable with no money worries.

Beezknees · 23/01/2024 20:49

SharonHughes77 · 23/01/2024 20:46

Where's your decency?
This is a baby and you are supposed to be a mother, how can you go banging on about single parenting and such when there's so many avenues for single mothers these days.
Would you advocate for the mass murder of every child who only lives with one of their parents?
How would you like it if another woman came to your house and took your child's life just because money is tight at that time?

Senseless barbarism leads to nowhere but pain and heartache and you of all people as a mother should know that the smile on a child's face is priceless, hearing them say "I love you" is priceless.

OP clearly wants this baby which is fine, and people should respect that but we are not calling abortion "senseless barbarism". It is not.

SuperBored · 24/01/2024 00:23

@SharonHughes77 are you a single mother working full-time trying to keep a career afloat rather than a minimum wage job? The OP has posted on here for opinions, I gave mine as to what I would do if I were in that position with the added knowledge of being in that very position that she is proposing to join (albeit without her level of debt). Please respect that.

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