Feel forced into abortion due to finances

[PolledandBolled]

I’d love some advice. I recently found I’m pregnant while in hospital for something completely unrelated. It’s tricky as I wasn’t trying (have copper coil) and the dad is my now ex boyfriend I split with over Christmas. He’s already seeing someone else.

I paid for a private scan this week and I’m 9 weeks. I would like to keep the baby as I’m 29, I have PCOS so periods are irregular and I think I’d make a good mum. It’s just the finances.

I’ve told my ex and he doesn’t want involvement (now blocked) which is fine by me. I know he earns around 26,000 so CMS calculator says this will be £260 a month.

Im mainly worried about maternity leave. I normally earn 1900 after tax but my maternity leave is as follows

8 weeks full pay
16 weeks half pay
Rest SMP

my current bills (I’m going to be really honest)

Car finance- £230
Rent-£700
Utility bills including WiFi- £400
Credit Cards- £150 (minimum amount)
Car insurance- 55.00
Tax- 16
Phone- 48
£1489
Leaves 361 for food/petrol/socialising on a normal month. I have 7.00 in my savings account post Christmas!

I just don’t know how I’m going to survive when my maternity leave goes to 800/900 pound because even with maintenance it’s still going to be only 1100 which won’t cover my bills let alone anything else.

I’ve had some debt left over from my uni days (funded everything myself and couldn’t work as did social work and was on placement) and I’ve been trying hard to pay it off and I’m so worried about missing payments and getting a CCJ.

My parents are not in a financial position to support, they may help with childcare (help my brother currently twice a week and my nephew is going to school in September) but won’t be able to help with money. £700 rent is cheap for our area and I don’t want to sell my car really as I think it’ll isolate me as public transport isn’t great.

I just feel so trapped. My long term plan was to pay off my debt and save for maternity please but this is unexpected of course.

Anyone can put their name on the housing list regardless if they have children or not, OP will likely not stand a chance of getting one though as she already has somewhere safe to live. I was waiting 6 months before I got mine and I was homeless with a baby.

Your bills are crazy you can save a fortune there

Can you buy a small run around and get rid of the car finance?
Your bills are mad, we pay full council tax for a 5 bed house, partner has heating on all day wfh at 20degrees and still only 350 a month.
Go on moneysaving exprr and compare broadband offers. Gas and electric are now doing tariffs eg eon that track below the government price cap
Buy a heated throw they keep u so warm so don't need to heat the house as much
Turn the boiler down a few degrees
Set the boiler to not being auto. U have to wait 2-3min for hot water but then its not boiling 247

If u wfh go to a cafe or library and save heating

My mobile phone is with smarty £5pm unlimited calls and texts 4gb data includes abroad calls and WiFi calling

Your car insurance is nuts unless a flashy car and young driver, put it through confused when renewing

Buy everything via Topcashback website

Sell what u can

Balance transfer as much debt as possible to 0% then pay minimum needed on those cards and chuck any spare cash at the highest interest debt cards then repeat till they're cleared

Babys dont cost much it'll be fine if u sort out the money wasted on the above

The main issue IMO is that you don’t have anyone to share the burden and the joys of parenting with. Another child growing up without a dad. Surely, as a SW you’d be aware of the drawbacks.

A baby is always a blessing and you will manage with your finances
No, it really isn't always a blessing. And you have no idea whether the OP will manage financially. Sure, be supportive, but don't make unrealistic statements.

OP, I hope you make the decision that is right for you and have support whichever one that may be. All the best

I'd see if you can get out of the car and buy a cheaper one. I'd try to get as much of cc debit paid as you can so your min payments are lower.

Buy second hand for baby, apart from car seat and cot Matress - could ask for as gifts from immediate family?

On those earnings you will be entitled to universal credit. I'd check for now on your current income , when on mat leave and once back at work. There's some good benefit calculators on line.

Think about when you return to work. You would probably get most of you child care paid. So you could look at family and nursery helping out

There's also child benefit which you get after baby is born that's about £90 a month.

Rubbish

Utter rubbish @LadyWithLapdog. My dad was a child protection social worker. He never once said “if only there was a father around” when talking about work.

If you want to keep baby then keep baby. Start looking at finances now and make adjustments. Small things like batch cooking will save money on food and is a good habit to get into. Is your phone in contract? If not switch to a sim only deal which will be cheaper. Look at your maternity policy, you should be able to request for your pay to be spread out over your leave so you'll get the same amount each month which is helpful for budgeting.
Babies need a surprising lack of 'stuff'. It's nice to have lots of gadgets and there's loads of things that are designed to make life easier but come at a cost. Go with the essentials. You'll need a new car seat and mattress but moses basket can be 2nd hand. Lots of sites sell 2nd hand prams in very good condition. When you feel comfortable buying things look at adding bits to your weekly/monthly shop - nappies/wipes to spread the cost.
Don't rely on CM or factor in to your budget. It's not guaranteed unfortunately and lots of people don't pay despite going through CMS.
Look at nursery fees and options for returning to work as this is likely to be your biggest essential cost.
IME the biggest thing you'll need is social support - family/friends as babies are amazing but very hard work!

This.

A baby has a right to be born into an environment that can afford them. Stupid, unrealistic comments about babies always being blessings is the stuff of irresponsible morons. No child deserves to be raised in poverty.

That said OP, it does appear you could do this. I wouldn’t see this as a terrible financial situation- you work, you would qualify for some UC top up and you’re thinking it through.

What I would think about is childcare ongoing for next 4/5 years and how to plan to ensure you don’t sacrifice your career/financial future by doing this alone. You need to keep working.

Good luck.

@PolledandBolled is your student debt via the student loans company or elsewhere? If it’s with the SLC the amount you repay will automatically decrease with your pay, you won’t pay any back while on statutory.

Could you take a pension break just between now and when you return to work, and use that extra money to support yourself on Mat leave? Although make sure you sign back up to it as soon as you go back to work and then in future consider topping it up or taking out a private pension if you are in a position to do so to make up the shortfall.

i would be careful of buying a cheap old car as you could end up with big maintenance bills. If you can swap for a cheaper pcp. I don’t have a pcp it do have a fairly new car after years of old cars and the maintenance costs are so much less

If you are in the USS pension scheme your employee contributions are about to go down...

This is my point. At 29, it is so unnecessary to put you and a potential baby in this situation. It’s not an ideal situation by any stretch of the imagination. Yea, I know you could end up a single mum even having married and blah blah, but to intentionally go after that from the start is just wild.

And seeing that you are not 40 or struggling with infertility, I just don’t understand why you would go through with it. You’re essentially saying that because you really want something, you will not listen to reason. Ffs you can’t even afford your bills. 30thousand per year in salary is slave wages even if you are single person with no dependents. You’ll be a single mum trying to make it on that salary, intentionally. Why? 😭

Most smart girls I’ve ever met who’ve run into this situation have booked themselves an abortion, not cracked their heads trying to figure out how they can grow a baby they can’t maintain.

Sorry to be so harsh, but you’re not making a smart decision. Idc what other MMS say. It’s NOT smart thinking.

you’re 29… don’t be so desperate.

Op may never get pregnant again.
There are lots of advantages of single motherhood.

I don't think any of the scourners here have ever been single mothers?

Half of dc don't live with their bio dad by 16. There's a lot to be said for consistency from birth rather than going through a parental separation.

Sorry, I’m a bit confused. Do you have student loan schemes then?
remember , if that’s the case, you’ll stop having to pay them when your income drops.
the one reason why they’re better to take out than a loan you arrange yourself, payments not required if you earn less than certain amount.

I was a single mother from the time my son was three and I’d really like to hear more about the advantages of being a single mother because in 15 years I failed to discover them. It’s a hard road to travel and anyone who tries to minimise how challenging it is does nobody any favours.

@heartofglass23 I’m not a “scourner”. Her body, her choices. I’m not scorning; I’m not the one left holding the baby.

@BIossomtoes i read it as saying better to be single mum from the beginning, than separate later on.

Dont buy anything brand new. You really don't need to. They don't get used enough so you can get things in really good condition for a bargain on facebook marketplace.

I paid 1000 for my first travel system 8 years ago. For my 2nd I bought off fb marketplace a 1300 pram for 250 and it was in near perfect condition.

I still want to know about the advantages. As far as I can see the only one gained from being a single parent from day one is that what you’ve never had you never miss.

@BIossomtoes maybe depends on the reason for the separation, if DV etc. I don’t know of any stats. I just imagine it’s tough, at any rate.

Please get some specific advice on what happens if your ex changed his mind and wants 50/50 custody eg what age that would start and then think about how you would cope, not only with no maintenance payments but also with your ex and his new girlfriend having your child 50% of the time. There have been other threads I’ve seen about this recently where the man has changed his mind when his girlfriend talks him into it, or when the reality of maintenance sets in, so maybe use the advantage search function to see if you can find them.

I’m not saying that’s a reason to not keep the baby but I’m just saying it’s best to be prepared.

@BIossomtoes as a single parent (lone for 8 years and exp loosely involved for the last 4) I can think of many many advantages and the joy parenting them has brought me and in all honesty it was easier before he was involved (and after he was there for a bit at the start for dd1 split when pregnant with dd2) don't have time to list them just now but I will certainly come back later and do so. I'm sorry that your experience hasn't been the same but it's good for OP to get a range of opinions and experiences all the same. OP you will be entitled get UC while on maternity. This will pay significantly towards your rent as well as living costs. This also opens you up to various grants and schemes such as cost of living payments. I don't know exactly which are currently running as my dc are older now plus I'm in Scotland so may be different but when mine were small I got vouchers that entitled me to fruit and milk etc. Speaking to citizens advice would give you a better idea of what you're entitled to and what's currently available. Also on your salary, once back in work you'd likely get uc contribution towards childcare. If you want this baby it's certainly worth looking in to. Book an appointment at CAB. If finance is the only reason then I worry you'd hugely regret a termination.

Can you check the timings/settings on the immersion heater? Is it on all the time?

£220 a month for gas/electric for a 2 bed flat seems massive. We're paying less than that for a 6 bed house with someone at home and the heating on all the time!

Good luck OP!

I'm paying £110 for a 4 bed with immersion heater for. Check the timer - hopefully it has one! You really don't need more than 20 mins of hot water for showers, a bit over breakfast and lunch if you're in, and another 20 min for dinner.