Feel forced into abortion due to finances

[PolledandBolled]

I’d love some advice. I recently found I’m pregnant while in hospital for something completely unrelated. It’s tricky as I wasn’t trying (have copper coil) and the dad is my now ex boyfriend I split with over Christmas. He’s already seeing someone else.

I paid for a private scan this week and I’m 9 weeks. I would like to keep the baby as I’m 29, I have PCOS so periods are irregular and I think I’d make a good mum. It’s just the finances.

I’ve told my ex and he doesn’t want involvement (now blocked) which is fine by me. I know he earns around 26,000 so CMS calculator says this will be £260 a month.

Im mainly worried about maternity leave. I normally earn 1900 after tax but my maternity leave is as follows

8 weeks full pay
16 weeks half pay
Rest SMP

my current bills (I’m going to be really honest)

Car finance- £230
Rent-£700
Utility bills including WiFi- £400
Credit Cards- £150 (minimum amount)
Car insurance- 55.00
Tax- 16
Phone- 48
£1489
Leaves 361 for food/petrol/socialising on a normal month. I have 7.00 in my savings account post Christmas!

I just don’t know how I’m going to survive when my maternity leave goes to 800/900 pound because even with maintenance it’s still going to be only 1100 which won’t cover my bills let alone anything else.

I’ve had some debt left over from my uni days (funded everything myself and couldn’t work as did social work and was on placement) and I’ve been trying hard to pay it off and I’m so worried about missing payments and getting a CCJ.

My parents are not in a financial position to support, they may help with childcare (help my brother currently twice a week and my nephew is going to school in September) but won’t be able to help with money. £700 rent is cheap for our area and I don’t want to sell my car really as I think it’ll isolate me as public transport isn’t great.

I just feel so trapped. My long term plan was to pay off my debt and save for maternity please but this is unexpected of course.

I have ivf babies and they are such a joy and blessing to me. But your response is shite really. Sometimes a baby can destroy a life. It is wonderful when a baby is a blessing, but do not guilt people who are struggling. Sometimes a baby cannot happen. That is not a blessing.

You don’t have to take a long maternity leave. Plenty of people take 6 months or less if needed. You take the full and half pay portion then go back to work at that point. You’ll get child benefit and probably some UC too.

You will be fine I get 0 maintenance so you will be in a better position than some

Hi OP you have quite a few months until baby arrives to prep. the first thing I would do is move your credit card debt to a balance transfer 0% credit card. credit card interest rates are crippling otherwise!

secondly I would look into a different WiFi package. there are lots of deals around.
shame about the phone.

any chance you could swap your current car lease for something cheaper? or is it a car purchased on finance?
could you potentially pick up extra hours to increase your savings before baby comes?
personally I would cut down any socialising etc and just save as much as possible.
and if you wfh, would you be able to return to work sooner?
I also echo previous posters re child benefit and uc. you will be ok. it won't be easy, but doable

If you have a spare room you could get a short term lodger until the baby is born, you can do it under the rent a room scheme and you don't pay tax on it (up to about £7500 pa) and it doesn't affect your benefits, have a look on spareroom.com to see what the going rate in your area is.

You will most likely be eligible for universal credit. Apply as soon as baby is born.
once you return to work you will get help towards childcare costs too.
do a benefits calculator to see what your LHA rate is as the majority of your rent may be covered. ( eg in Brum it’s £625 for a 2 bed property- due to go up in April)

Child maintenance isn’t deducted from Uc so anything you get will be a help.
If you are a single parent then child benefit can be paid weekly- from April that’s £25 per week.

Other pps know much more about this than me, but the first thing I’d do if I were you is get on council house waiting list.

You will be able to make it work

Keep your baby (if you want to). You will be fine.

As previous posters have said, you'll qualify for UC.

Your gas doesn't sound right, have you sent meter readings? My smart meter was wrong so I was being overcharged.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Hi OP, a wee bit beside the point but did you qualify as a Social Worker? Your maternity package sounds the same as mine working for a local authority. However, your salary seems awfully low for a SW. in my authority, take home is around £2,500 at the lowest end of the scale.

I'm just thinking if you can up your future earnings?

Enjoy your baby OP

You should be able to cut down on energy costs. Don't use oven or iron - have you got air fryer and microwave? Also cut down on heating and use electric blanket or throw instead and get energy saving light bulbs etc.

I used to be a social worker but now work in marketing for a university (bit outing but needs much). I earn around 32,000 per annum but put into large pension and both an undergraduate and postgraduate loan :)

I defo wouldn't let finances stop you if you want to keep your baby.
While pregnant, is there any chance of doing some SW agency work? Just to add to your savings for mat leave. Maybe undertaking a few reports on the weekends etc?

Nobody's situation remains the same. The future could be very different so I wouldn't make a decision based on finances alone.

I was in your situation 20 years ago and I did just fine. If you want the baby, keep it! Give it your last name though!

Congratulations OP. Sounds like a blessing to me. You will work it out

• I would take a pension holiday.
• I would move your Cc to 0% interest, you can do this as many times as you need. Use Martin Lewis website to help you.
• I would ring round your utilities and say you're thinking about leaving because costs so high, what can they do!
• Get all baby stuff (except for car seat and new cot mattress) second hand. Try mum2mum markets etc.
• Ask your parents about help with childcare.
• I went back to work when my son was 8w old, I worked from home around him then built back up to full time hours... discuss with your employer!

If you really want this baby, please don't let finances or your ex's attitude put you off. As you say, you are 29 and want to keep the baby. That's a lovely age to have a wanted baby. You have a bit of maturity, but still plenty of energy. You won't be the first or the last to go it alone. Your ex will have to contribute through CMS for his own child and, as others have said, there is child benefit and UC top-ups.
If you decide to go ahead, don't rush to but expensive equipment. Lots; f people often give away, or sell for very little, really good baby equipment. 💐

I would take a pension holiday.

Don’t even think about this. You’ll get used to the extra money and it will be really hard to go back. This early in your working life those contributions really count, far more than those you make a few years into the future.

I’d also discount any possibility of getting any child maintenance payments in your calculations. Plan for the worst and hope for the best is my advice. Realistically I’d be very surprised if he ever pays a penny in these circumstances. Sorry to be such a cynic.

The thing that would worry me isn't the mat leave, it would be the childcare costs afterwards.
I'd want to know how much three days nursery (if your parents can help) would add to your monthly outgoings, and whether or not I was entitled to any support with that as part of UC.
Where I am, that could easily be 8-900 per month.

Don't let finances be the thing that stops you. As others have said you will get UC and help with housing, Child benefit and child maintenance. You will also be eligible for a £500 sure start grant. Babies don't need much at the beginning especially if you plan to breastfeed. You can pick up a lot almost new. It's great if you can get help with childcare, but if you are on UC you can also get up to 85% of childcare costs paid. You are skilled and have many options when it comes to work. You are still in the early days and have time to save. Can you take on some extra work/sell some things for cash? I am going it alone as a single mum. I have absolutely zero regrets. You are in a better position than me. Talk to your midwives. They will signpost you and make sure you get the support you need, whether that is financial or emotional. Whatever you decide, I wish you all the best for the future.

I would definitely second not buying too much baby equipment in advance. Until your baby is here and you are a mother you won't even know what you like to use and what you need or not.
I returned/exchanged so many larger items after the birth that we just didn't need or I realized weren't even that well designed.

And yes a lot of items you can find virtually new second hand.

The only item to never get second hand is a car seat.

Please don't have an abortion due to finance. Only get an abortion if you want one. It will work out.

Switch to 0% credit cards
Second hand baby bits
Sell old stuff you don't need
Cheaper phone when you can (eg GiffGaff £6/month)
Shop around for cheaper utilities
Stop buying stuff
Get tax rebate on working at home costs/professional membership subscriptions

Fined out the cost of local childminders/ nurseries. Put these fees and your pay into the entitled to website. You may be surprised to see how much universal credit you get towards childcare.

Uc will also top up your pay when on maternity leave. Claim uc and child benefit as soon as dc is born.

You will be fine.

29 is really young. Why on earth would you like to proceed with the pregnancy knowing there won’t be a dad in the picture? Why put yourself in that situation? Honestly, you’re not thinking critically about this. Unless the dad was LOADED with cash, I don’t understand why you would intentionally put yourself in that situation. 🤷🏽‍♀️

29 is definitely not young, she is not a teenager! In fact by the time the baby is born the OP could sit right at the age of typical age to have a child in the UK which is 30.6. Stop unnecessarily scaremongering

https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/average-age-of-having-first-child-by-country