Why would a 20-something not want to house share with a 50-something

[peanutbutterkid]

Post divorce I'm looking to rent a room in a shared property until I'm ready to buy (late summer at earliest). A lot of the adverts (SpareRoom) have a suggested upper age limit of 40 or 45, well below my age.

I don't want to live in a true student/undergrads or party house, but I reckon I could rub along fine with working 20- or 30- or 40-somethings. I have adult kids I know what they care about & do & think about. I was thinking maybe I could get considered for more properties if I can figure out what is supposed to be incompatible about my age & theirs, and I can prove that assumption wrong.

Any ideas what they preceive the incompatibility to be ?

ps: I went to see a flat share today & really didn't like it. Nice enough lady to share with but kind of woo & hyper-introverted. I couldn't imagine ever having a laugh with her.

I am early 20's and whilst I have my own home with my family.. if I had to consider a house share, I'd actually prefer to share with a woman in her 50s, rather than my own age range.
I can't understand why (unless it was purely a party house with friends which is not my bag anyway) there would be an age limit for them.
I bet you're fun! I like that you'd like to prove their assumptions wrong. I really hope you find the right place for you ! 🩷

It's probably because they think someone their own age would have more in common with them, be more tolerant of them bringing friends over, partying, coming back late, etc ...
They might also think someone in their twenties might be more flexible.

I'm 26, but when I was in my early twenties, before I got married and had kids, I wouldn't have wanted to move in with someone with that large of an age gap as it would have felt like moving in with your parents kind of, and I'd also have been much more reserved.

Not saying that that's right or that it's correct at all

Because when I was 25 if I’d wanted to live with someone the same age as my parents I’d just have lived with my actual parents 🤣. Our house was quite a party house to be fair as well. Flatmates were viewed as a source of new friends and dates. I just wanted to live with people at the same life stage.

I think older people will

complain a lot
tend to do things on their own/set in their way
Don't share
There a real risk they won't pay the rent
Wont want to socialise like a 20 -30 year I.e. party's, people staying over etc etc
Might get ill

I'm early forties so not the bracket your looking at but I'd happily share with a person in their 50s.

Can almost guarantee they will be tidier cleaner and more economical with the water/gas and electric than the young adults in my house

Perhaps try looking for a rooms as a lodger, rather than in a house share? You may well find an older woman who is having to let out a room to help pay her mortgage, and it could suit you both very well.

Edited to say, I am a similar age to you.

You should advertise on a local Facebook group and say you are looking for a 6-9 month let in a house where maybe the people are empty nesters. We would happily have you and we would give the money to our daughters at Uni so they would happily clear and give you the best of their bedrooms!
If you are looking in London send me a message as all the DD's friends are now in Uni so I might be able to give you a lead.

When you were in your 20s would you have wanted to share with someone your parents age? I wouldn't have, even knowing my parents could party like the best of them!

Social life.
Often people in house shares have moved to a new City / new area due to work.
Living with people similar age, they are more likely to include one another in their social lives, introduce housemates to their own friends, get to know more people that are more likely to share their interests.

I have friends 20, 30 years older and younger than me - I know it can work, but I know when I was in my 20s (or, same for my dc now) I'd want any house mates to be at a similar stage in life. Ready to join their 5-a-side team, or go off to do something together that would be less likely to appeal in your 50s.

I also think that a single person in their 50s is likely to be more set in their ways / less flexible than someone who has been house sharing at university recently / someone who has just moved for a job.

Am quite surprised you can't see that.

At the same time, someone looking to let out one room to a lodger would probably find you more appealing than a younger person.
Yes, people might think this ageist, but generalisations do come from experience.

I'm not going to address most of your ageist bullshit but what is the risk someone in their 50s won't pay the rent?

Or get Ill. They're 50's not 90's.

Let's go with broad stereotypes:
20's - work hard, play hard. Parties, friend/lovers, late nights, music/after drinks in the house
30's - as above, but with more relationships/hobbies and travel
40's- tamer

Can you really see yourself sharing a while house with a group of 20 somethings? Would that be pleasant? Genuinely interested as I'd hate it!

I lodged with someone and there was a 20 year age gap. They were nice but as PP's have said, I felt the need to be on best behaviour. But it really all depends on your mindset, maybe you're exceptionally young at heart. Try placing an ad in local groups or even printing out flyers, you might find more options item up for you. That's what I did. Good luck!!

I don't think challenging people who have stated their boundaries is the way to get accommodation. The fact you're considering it says why these specific people don't want people at your life stage (others will). They don't want to live with someone who has an opinion on everything and who will argue with them/have discussions where you're convinced you're right about the same things their parents would argue with them about, like energy supplier, how to get to work, personal safety, how often the bathroom is cleaned, what sort of frying pan is in the cupboard and on and on and on foreverrrr.

There will be the right fit out there for you.

“There’s a real risk they might not pay the rent”?!? “Might get ill”?! WTAF? The most ageist shite I’ve read on here for a while, and that’s saying something.

People in their twenties (or even thirties) don’t want to live with their mums. You don’t want to be in the mum role either.

Are you male or female op? I'd find it a bit strange that someone in their 50's was so keen to share with people in their 20's rather than someone more mature 40+. Most people 20/30's don't want to house share with someone their parents age. Not sure why you don't understand that.

When I was in my 20s I wanted housemates who were likely to become friends, so similar age, similar interests, similar career stage. I would have considered someone in their 30s too old, never mind in their 50s. I also would have wondered why someone that age wanted to rent with a bunch of twenty-somethings.

I still wonder that actually - I am pushing 50 and I can't think of anything worse.

Just looked on spareroom for my area, the first advert says 18 to 60?

Aside from that, theres a filter box for age groups including 40+

In my 20s I was in houseshares. We had late night movie nights, drinking and smoking excessively and laughing until the early hours. We were tolerant of dirty, mess, loud sex and people stealing other's milk. We could survive on 3 hours sleep and go to work with s handover.

I can't imagine living with my old "me" nowadays.

yeah.. that describes the place I saw today & boy would I be bored & lonely staying there! We didn't have anything in common. I would dread going back there each evening. I joked to xH that she probably thinks Yoga is exercise. She's a pleasant person, just not like me.

Actually I have met a few gals (I stayed at theirs with them, AirBnB) who were really interesting, would be nice to chat to. So I think I just got unlucky with the hyper-introvert today. I need to keep looking. Most airBnB hosts are very extroverted & complete chatterboxes imho. I need to find housemates/landlord.lady more like that.

I find the replies very useful, so thanks much.

By "set in your ways" ... Do you mean wouldn't go with established house norms but would insist on trying to change them?

I wager that I am more tolerant, fit, active, messy, also less complaining and less set in my ways than most 20-somethings. Who can afford to go to pub, nowadays? Prinks on the other hand...

I'm 50 If I had to house share I wouldn't want to be living with party mad.20/something's Been there done that
I realise not all 20 something's will be like that but many will
Personally I would jus want a quiet room I could relax I. And not be woken up at all hours
You are more likely ( not always )to find you have similar interests to people of a similar age

When I lived in houseshares, the biggest age gap I had was 10 years and I thought that was pushing it because they were at a different life stage to me (but thankfully didn't complain about my partying).

You're a mum with adult children. That puts you in a mum role however much you want to protest about it.

Have you lived in a houseshare? It can be hard at the best of times, and especially with strangers. You need people who are like you. For younger people it is about a social life as much as somewhere to live, plus you need people you can feel relaxed around.

I'm sure you can find someone in similar circumstances and I don't think you need to push it with the younger ones.

I'm divorced with adult kids.

I am well aware that my kids when they are with me are explaining things to me and that I am absolutely not current in their culture.

I don't watch the films they do I don't follow the YouTubers they do, I don't listen to the music they do.

If I was in a house share with twenty somethings I would stick out like a sore thumb.

Why don't you want to house share with people your own age OP?

I'll keep looking, there are so many filters on Sparerooms that I probably am not using it efficiently, yet. Not filtering on any age parameters, the properties that look best for me almost all have (this is obvious info on app but not on website so I only found it later) upper age limits I am above. I wouldn't be asking if I were finding properties I liked with my age in the filter window. I like them because of specific amenities, things that people < 25 would be less likely to need, actually.

Gosh what if I were > 60, then what would I do... hmmm.

If they say under 30 as their max then cool, I am not enquiring. But up to 40 or up to 45 ... doesn't seem so different from my age, then maybe I look at the current household composition which might be 23, 25, 32... so they think 40 is ok but not above... why not above.

My grandfather, then about age 85, had a sprightly 70yo as his lodger for a while. <muse>