Why would a 20-something not want to house share with a 50-something

[peanutbutterkid]

Post divorce I'm looking to rent a room in a shared property until I'm ready to buy (late summer at earliest). A lot of the adverts (SpareRoom) have a suggested upper age limit of 40 or 45, well below my age.

I don't want to live in a true student/undergrads or party house, but I reckon I could rub along fine with working 20- or 30- or 40-somethings. I have adult kids I know what they care about & do & think about. I was thinking maybe I could get considered for more properties if I can figure out what is supposed to be incompatible about my age & theirs, and I can prove that assumption wrong.

Any ideas what they preceive the incompatibility to be ?

ps: I went to see a flat share today & really didn't like it. Nice enough lady to share with but kind of woo & hyper-introverted. I couldn't imagine ever having a laugh with her.

Are you expecting the people you live with to provide your entire social life for you, then? 🫤

I’d always rather have older renters as neighbours. Quieter

I think you could get a house share with people in the same age range - there are always people transitioning from one situation to another - back from travelling, studying, breakups. I’ll think you’ll find some good company and a good social life through it. Best of luck

@peanutbutterkid isn't Yoga exercise then?

Yoga is exercise.
You seem to think you’ll be sharing your social life with those you live with but that’s not usual in many shared houses.
I think you should look at being a lodger if you can.

My 20-something daughter does yoga.

I do Pilates - that’s proper old-person exercise!

Having done this as someone in my mid 20s it's a nightmare. You clash a lot imo and the older person tries to play your mum/dad vibes and it's annoying.

Also be wary of live-in landlord's you're less protected.

On another note I hope Mumsnetters might now think twice about the housing crisis if an older person is posting they're having to houseshare.

If you think yoga isn't exercise you just aren't doing it properly. 😂

To answer the question at face value: I wouldn't have wanted either, when I was housesharing in my 20s.

I wanted, in an ideal world, housemates who'd become close mates and go out together. Which seemed more probable with people my age.

And if that weren't to happen, I at least wanted people who I felt on an equal footing with. At that age, people 45+ in my life were senior staff at work, lecturers, older relatives... I was intimidated by them, and wouldn't have felt relaxed and happy sharing a house with them. It's very different arguing about noise levels or the dishes with someone old enough to be your mum or dad, and I didn't want that in my living situation.

Not meant as a criticism - I can see now from an older viewpoint that it must be hard in your position.

Yoga is exercise.

People generally like to share a house with people at a similar stage of life to themselves. I’m not sure why that’s hard to understand.

It’s unfortunate that there will be far fewer house share situations out there for people in their 50s. You could always make your own: advertise for a like minded person and then find the house together.

I think they just don’t wanna.

Would you want to live with 80 year olds? No? Well maybe the 20 year olds don’t want to live with someone in their fifties for similar reasons, it’s just a large awkward age gap likely to lead to different interests and expectations.

When I was 25 and looking for a flatmate I wanted someone quiet, perhaps who’d let me boss them around a bit, but would be fun at parties and become a friend for life.

Me, in my 20s: DJing twice a week, Domino’s for breakfast (not leftovers, actually ordering it for breakfast), out drinking most nights, gaming on the sofa with housemates in the afternoons, bringing random guys and gals back after the club more often than not, weird shift patterns to pay for said lifestyle, music playing at 11pm, cheap wine and cheaper conversations that went on half the night while we created a fug of smoke in the living room, ducking the landlord when late for rent, house in a bit of a state (not dirty but definitely shabby chic vibes), pretending to adult while desperately avoiding actual adulting. The last thing I wanted was an actual adult in my house.

Now, before everyone piles on - yeah, yeah, many many people in their twenties have their heads screwed on straight and have good jobs, early nights, clean living etc etc…but the thing is, most will want people that are at the same stage that they are at. Now? You sound like my ideal housemate and can I swap my husband for you, pretty please? Back then…I would have always felt a little wary around you, like I had to clean down the kitchen sides and keep the noise down. And I would have done, because I was considerate. But I wouldn’t have enjoyed not feeling free to do the things above and I would be more likely to find others who also enjoyed those things in my own age group.

Why do you think someone older is leas likely to pay the rent than someone younger?

Honestly? Truly, bluntly honestly?

My husband lived in a couple of houseshares with one older person and they were always, to be blunt, weird. (One seemed to have an actual breakdown and accused the younger housemates of breaking into her room and moving stuff around.) It's weird to end up in a houseshare in later middle age. It suggests you have problems (either financial or social) and are so unsettled in life you have to live with strangers.

The older you are the weirder it gets. Early 40s now are old millenials so conceivably have just had dodgy careers, crap relationships etc. But older than that, I'd assume the person is the problem. (I'm mid 30s now)

I'd not have wanted to share with someone who could be my mum in my 20s for that exact reason. I'd not long moved out of my parents and wanted to be with people my own age. In my 40s/50s I'd probably be looking to keep myself to myself and certainly wouldn't want to live with a "chatterbox". I think probably renting a room as a lodger would suit you better but you may need to reign in your expectations of a social life with your landlady.

But what do you think you would have in common with people in their 20s. If your trying to make friends in the process you really need to be looking for people your own age. I don't want to sound harsh but a group of 20 year olds aren't gonna want you tagging along or hanging around. You sound like the mum of mean girls. "I'm not one of them regular mums I'm a cool mum". And if that's what your thinking don't because it's embarrassing

@saveforthat i found that baffling too.

@peanutbutterkid do you want to houseshre with people in their 89's /90's?

I am in my fifties and would hate to house share with people in their twenties, and I am pretty sure they wouldn't want to live with me either. I can still party like a rock star but it takes me a few days to recover now, and I wouldn't want younguns using my nice saucepans or drinking my (good) booze!

I don’t think it’s strange that 20-somethings wouldn’t want to live with a 50-something. OP I think it’s more strange that you’d be happy with it.

I’m 56 and I’d hate to live with my 20-something self. Late nights, various boyfriends, parties, random guests raiding the fridge, smoking weed, music late at night - it would be awful!
And when I was a 20-something I wouldn’t have wanted to live with someone the same age as my Mum.

Most people who house share want to live with people around the same age as them because they think they'll have more in common/more likely to become friends.

Most people house share when they're younger.

Therefore, most house share ads are aimed at younger people.

Write your own ad

My 55 year old friend, through unusual circumstances, has ended up in a HMO with 5 early 30s people. It's very hard. She finds them messy, noisy and self centred. They probably find her weird and bossy. It's hard to mix generations

I'm 37 and I wouldn't want to house share with a group of 20 year olds. Been there, done that, no wish to return to it.

I also wouldn't want to house share with someone in their 50's. My mum is in her 50's. Um, nope.

They just want to share with people roughly at the same life stage I suppose. I suspect putting the limit up to 45 might be a bit false - I doubt a 20s/early 30s house share would want anyone more than 5 years or so older than their average age.
But I guess 40s are the middle decade - neither young nor old - whereas beyond 50 you are definitely an ‘older person.’

I don’t know how it works these days but I think it’s also worth advertising yourself - lots of people would be delighted to have you. Quite a lot of people who own houses have more than one lodger, so they can be fun places to be - I lived in a lovely mixed age house in Manchester once.

How would you feel about having housemates in their 80's? It's potentially the same sort of gap.

I was not a party girl, and kept quite to myself in my 20s. Still, I wouldn't have wanted to share a flat with 50 somethings. The few 50 somethings i met who shared flats with 20 somethings were... well... weird. At that age, I would have been wondering why they would even want to share with 20 somethings to start with.

Now in my late 40s I wouldn't even consider sharing a flat with 20 somethings. I wouldn't put up with noise, clutter or dirtiness in the same way I did at 20 something (I didn't care that much back then) and my culinary tastes have greatly improved, so sharing a kitchen with a bunch of 20 somethings would be challenging, both for me and them. Also, I work nights quite often, and I probably wouldn't manage to sleep enough. I have a flatmate in his 40s and he's perfect.