Why would a 20-something not want to house share with a 50-something

[peanutbutterkid]

Post divorce I'm looking to rent a room in a shared property until I'm ready to buy (late summer at earliest). A lot of the adverts (SpareRoom) have a suggested upper age limit of 40 or 45, well below my age.

I don't want to live in a true student/undergrads or party house, but I reckon I could rub along fine with working 20- or 30- or 40-somethings. I have adult kids I know what they care about & do & think about. I was thinking maybe I could get considered for more properties if I can figure out what is supposed to be incompatible about my age & theirs, and I can prove that assumption wrong.

Any ideas what they preceive the incompatibility to be ?

ps: I went to see a flat share today & really didn't like it. Nice enough lady to share with but kind of woo & hyper-introverted. I couldn't imagine ever having a laugh with her.

I'm under 50, and my dds are in their 20s. So it could easily become more a parent child relationship, which isn't what people want from a house share.

I joked to xH that she probably thinks Yoga is exercise.

Well your "sense of humour" alone would put me off you.

It's weird to end up in a houseshare in later middle age. It suggests you have problems (either financial or social) and are so unsettled in life you have to live with strangers.
100% agree with this. I'd also equate it to lots of bad decision making and wouldn't want to share a home with someone who demonstrates risky behaviour. I'd also be entirely creeped out by someone so insistent on surrounding themselves by younger people, it adds into the social issues you clearly have.

I shared a house with a 45 yo woman and 60yo man when I was 22 and it was great. They weren't a couple it was just a shared house we all had a room each. All NHS workers. The 60yo man owned the house and he was so lovely. Still friends with him. I'm married now and in my late thirties but I think that shared house was one of the happiest memories of my youth. Was just a great place to live. And they were livelier than me! Always out at clubs.. he went to ibiza for two weeks once and let me off rent for taking care of all his tomato plants whilst he was gone lmao what an icon!

Given that women in their 50's are finding themselves homeless at an alarming rate thanks to divorce and not having enough to get another property, I'd assume this is something that will be coming up more often. I wouldn't assume bad decisions- I'd assume a woman who has raised children and been divorced.

😂 words out of my mouth, it’s almost like a high schooler wrote this.

Bloody hell, you actually think that? That's bonkers!

Hilariously ignorant.

As an "older person" of 55, I work ft, keep my home clean and calm, am an excellent cook, am never ill, and have an income triple that I did in my 20s.

Complaining? Weirdly, you give off that very negative vibe.

Jesus, when I house shared in my early 20’s it was like we were remaking Withnail & I.

I wouldn’t live in that houseshare again, even for a shiny gold pig. I’m 37.

I have adult kids I know what they care about & do & think about. I was thinking maybe I could get considered for more properties if I can figure out what is supposed to be incompatible about my age & theirs, and I can prove that assumption wrong.

Any ideas what they preceive the incompatibility to be?

I think you've probably highlighted the issue yourself. On paper, your first instinct is to bracket younger people into the same category as your kids, using your own children as a reference point for assumed interests etc., rather than to consider them peers, housemates, potential friends or people who you might share interests with/have something in common with despite the age gap. They in turn won't see you as a peer or someone they might have something in common with.

I'm going to nitpick here, but actually, you don't know what they care about, do or think about because you're making age based assumptions rather than getting to know them as individuals... and this illustrates my point quite nicely, because they'll be making similar assumptions about you in return!

@Guavafish1 How funny. As a 50-something, I would assume someone in their 20s wouldn't pay the rent. 😂

I was 20 in my first house share, with 3 others in their early 20s and one in her late 30s.
We didn't pick who we lived with so it was just whoever applied but it was weird. We had nothing in common with her, we were at the uni and she worked in the next town. She kept 'correcting' any mistakes we made and telling us we'd thank her for it when we were older. She made us cleaning rotas without talking to us and assigned me jobs while I was in class or working, and then was annoyed they were done at different times.
It was like living with a supervisor as she had already run a house and just decided we all needed to be managed.

Her friends also all had kids so when they visited there was always toddlers in the kitchen or living room. She banged on one guys door to tell him off for leaving his cigarettes where one of the babies could reach.

I know not everyone would be like her but the age difference seemed like a real issue for her, she was always getting us to defer to her superior knowledge and its not a fun way to live so I wouldn't risk a person in a different age bracket again. I like us all being in the same life stage.

Let's be honest, most people in their twenties don't want to house share with someone old enough to be their mother.

I once shared a house with someone who was a decade older than me and that was bad enough. We were at totally different life stages and even though I was never a partier, the whole thing was just incredibly awkward and I ended up leaving early.

I’m in my early 30s now, and did some house shares in my 20s.

I can only speak for my experience, but every house share I was in had one older (40s-60s) person in it: and they were always a nightmare to live with.

A guy who constantly burned his toast, stole every toilet roll, and had ‘photo shoots’ with young Asian women in his room every week. Also accused people of stealing his post if they emptied the postbox.

A guy who slept through his alarm every single day for at least 45 minutes when we could all hear it and screamed if we knocked on the door. He was the messiest person too, even though we were all clean.

Clearly with the UK’s housing crisis there is a change in the type of middle aged person looking for a house share, so I’m truly not speaking for everyone in that age bracket, just sharing my experiences.

And a woman who insisted on her mother staying around with her (in her 70s) to cook every day, hogging the kitchen for hours on end.

Also I’m 30 and do yoga. As do many people my age and younger. I think you’ll find the younger generations (especially Gen-Z/younger millennials) aren’t necessarily what you think. A lot of us are very quiet, don’t drink, and spend more time on the internet than going out or partying these days.

I'm not being deliberately obtuse or sarcastic - is this a serious question? Can you really not think why OP?

I sat at a bank of desks in the office yesterday surrounded by graduates in their early to mid 20’s and whilst they’re lovely people the chat just made me realise how young they are and what a different a stage of life they’re at, I couldn’t be living with them. I think if you’re advertising for housemates or lodgers people either want someone who’s like them or someone they’ll hardly ever see.

Because they’re 50, they probably have dementia so will forget.

Or they probably don’t know how to work the new fandangle internet magic in order to pay bills.

Or they can’t afford it from their pension payments.

You’re just not understanding what old people who are fifty are like!

I really feel for you op.

I'm 27 and house shares whilst fun just don't suit me even in my late teens, although I always used to get accepted for them as I seem fun, I'm tidy and I am overall a good housemate. I'm also set in my ways, hate noise and unexpected guests and am paranoid as fuck about my belongings being stolen. You sound great fun and I have lots of friends who are over 40 who are way more chilled and fun loving than me. I don't think it's a good idea for you to be a lodger as you sound like you're looking for something a little more social than that.

I hope you find something suitable. House shares whilst not always perfect can be great fun if you're happy to go with the flow and tolerate other people's quirks and annoying habits.

I’d imagine if they wanted to live with a mum, they’d live with their own.
I don’t understand what you mean about yoga not being exercise. It sounds like you’re seeing it as a way to build your social circle but I think that’s unlikely in a house share in your 50s. I am 60 and wouldn’t want to live with people in their 20s. I also wouldn’t want to live with someone who was 80 so it works both ways.
I would put energy into finding your own place.

I'd say that they're be more likely to be stubborn and stuck in their ways, I'm not close to that and I'm already like that! I'd also assume it's just thinking the likelihood of compatibility is less.

I’m in my late 50s and couldn’t imagine anything worse than sharing with a 20-something. I’d want a Golden Girls type set up.

Both my dc have been in shared housing numerous times and they wouldn't have chosen to share with a different generation. It would've been like living with their parents.

However, there were several houses my son looked at that did have a mix of ages so it does happen, just got to keep looking.

I've been in big house shares with people aged 20-40 and the balance worked well. I also had a friend who was a lodger for years with someone in their 50s and it was all good. If you get on with someone it doesn't matter what age they are. Op you may be better off looking for rooms with families.

Yoga very much is exercise. It might not be cardio but it’s certainly exercise.

Personally I wouldn’t want to house share with anyone, regardless of age. Is it really the only option?

What's with the guys and gals descriptions?

It reminds me of a very dodgy older guy who liked living with student nurses.

I suspect they want someone to socialise with. But keep looking, my brother gets lodgers from spare room and he chooses 30+ ideally 40+ because he likes a quiet house (but needs the money)