Would you go to this wedding?

[auberginefortea]

... well, a pseudo-wedding.

A very good friend of mine (bridesmaid at my wedding) planned her wedding during Covid, and had to cancel it twice because of the lockdowns and various travel restrictions. These weddings were planned to be in the UK. In the end, they had a small legal ceremony. She lives in Canada with her Canadian Husband, and we've been invited to a ceremony / party in Canada. Also since then, we've both had children.

DH is grumbling that he doesn't want to go because of the cost (technically we can afford it, but it's going to cost a few thousand pounds at least), whether to bring DD (2 years old), and that, well, it's not a wedding. Other UK friends are deciding to go without their partners if they have school-age children, as the wedding will be during term time. It doesn't affect us yet.

She's one of my oldest friends, and I feel sorry she wasn't able to have a wedding a few years ago. And she was a bridesmaid at our wedding.

What would you do?

Why does it have to be case by case depending on the circumstances at the time. If it's okay for her to spend thousands just to go to a party why is it not okay for the husband

I would either go alone with out husband and child or I would go with husband and child but make a holiday of it.

Well, you know, things happen like people losing their jobs, unforeseen house repairs, I’d take those into account even if you wouldn’t.

And yet she isn't taken that into consideration when she wants to spend thousands to go to a party.

I think dismissing it as "to go to a party" is wrong.
This is the celebration of their wedding, which had to be cancelled because of covid. So, in effect, is the opportunity for friends and wider family to be part of that once in a lifetime celebration.
It is also clearly someone the OP is very close to. OP was her bridesmaid.

Plus, if only the OP goes, it isn't going to cost "thousands" so all your language is a bit emotive there Hii93

Oh, and I agree with Effortless that of course you look at all situations as they present themselves in the context of what is happening in your life at that time.
Throughout our decades together, there have been plenty of times when one of us has used money when the other hasn't needed / wanted to at that time. We don't say "You have spent £1K so I am going to have £1K even though I don't actually have a reason to need it at the moment." That's not how a loving partnership works.

And I am just going off what op has said so I am not wrong. How do you think flights accommodation food etc is only going to cost in the hundreds for one person.

Also that is how partnerships work

I’d go as a family, sounds like a good excuse to go on holiday to Canada! A few days at the celebration then spend some more time there as I would a normal holiday.

I'd go - but I'd make it a family holiday and just a day or two part of that. Go to whatever other places you'd love to go to and have a good time.

I feel for people who 'lost' events to covid. So many never really happened - just like this. Had a private small ceremony because of restrictions, and now their 'real' celebration is seen as somehow 'fake'. It's sad.

I lost a dear friend to cancer during lockdown 1. Her funeral was 15 people including the celebrant. They always said we'd have the big celebration of her life she deserved - but it hasn't happened. Because time moves on, people move on, and it somehow seems disingenuine after several years. It shouldn't be like that - I'd go and show her how happy I am for her. Make this the time you visit, and make it worth the trip by making a holiday of it.

How can she make it a family holiday if her husband doesn’t want to go? She can’t force him! I would ask why my husband doesn’t want to make the effort for one of my best friends. You say that you have the money. I’d go… ask your husband to do the childcare if he’s refusing to go with you. You are equal parents.

Go anyway, leave hubby at home and make a week of it. Spend some time with your friend after. Enjoy it.

I'd go by myself and have a wonderful time. In fact I've gone overseas for a holiday, leaving DH and DC behind and it wasn't even a wedding or a party. I just wanted to go. We aren't rich but we could afford it, and we can afford for my DH to do the same (or something totally different that costs similar). So why not. Life is about experiences and although I love my family more than anything, you can't be at home with them 24/7/365.

I’d go alone and leave dh at home with the dc, as I have done many times to go to weddings since having dc.

I feel for people who 'lost' events to covid. So many never really happened - just like this. Had a private small ceremony because of restrictions, and now their 'real' celebration is seen as somehow 'fake'. It's sad.

I'd go and show her how happy I am for her. Make this the time you visit, and make it worth the trip by making a holiday of it.

This.
If a very dear friend lived abroad, then one of you has to travel in order to see each other every few years. This is the 'hook' to hang it on.

@Hii93 in the opening post, the OP was talking about 3 of them going - which means 3 flights plus accommodation, so 'thousands'. (Which she did say they could just about manage). OP going by herself just mean 1 person's flights (extremely quick google, London to Toronto in May said £338) . On her own, she can likely stay with her friend, so could be a very reasonable break for a lot less.

So you are assuming things

So you are assuming things

How do you think flights accommodation food etc is only going to cost in the hundreds for one person.

@Hii93 well, I just did a quick google, being as you asked what I think.