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Original poster

Would you go to this wedding?

116 replies

auberginefortea · 16/01/2024 01:50

... well, a pseudo-wedding.

A very good friend of mine (bridesmaid at my wedding) planned her wedding during Covid, and had to cancel it twice because of the lockdowns and various travel restrictions. These weddings were planned to be in the UK. In the end, they had a small legal ceremony. She lives in Canada with her Canadian Husband, and we've been invited to a ceremony / party in Canada. Also since then, we've both had children.

DH is grumbling that he doesn't want to go because of the cost (technically we can afford it, but it's going to cost a few thousand pounds at least), whether to bring DD (2 years old), and that, well, it's not a wedding. Other UK friends are deciding to go without their partners if they have school-age children, as the wedding will be during term time. It doesn't affect us yet.

She's one of my oldest friends, and I feel sorry she wasn't able to have a wedding a few years ago. And she was a bridesmaid at our wedding.

What would you do?

OP posts:
muddyford · 16/01/2024 10:56

A relation had this. She and then-fiancé work and live abroad, went through all the legalities and married there during Covid. Then said they would be having a party over here, not telling people they were already married. It was the other end of the country from us and we didn't go. It was extremely awkward with family as most didn't know about the actual marriage!

ImthatBoleyngirl · 16/01/2024 11:00

I would go because;

  1. I've always wanted to go to Canada.
  1. The party is the best bit about the wedding. The ceremony is cringy and boring imo.
  1. Obviously I'd like to see my friend 🤣
Onelifeonly22 · 16/01/2024 11:08

Most people who marry abroad have a separate legal ceremony first (with or without telling people) so I don't think it is fair to see it as 'less than' a wedding. Going by yourself, perhaps with a friend in same boat, seems a good option!

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Weddings
TigerJoy · 16/01/2024 12:21

HoppingPavlova · 16/01/2024 10:18

I think it’s ridiculous. If you cast your mind back to the last world war, lots of people got married quickly in less than ideal circumstances without wedding dresses, wedding parties and any frills. They didn’t throw make up weddings/parties/receptions when the war was over in order to do it ‘properly’ because they ‘missed out’. That’s life. People these days don’t have this mentality, maybe because now the social media aspect is more important than the actual event, I don’t know, but must be something as it’s endemic.

For god's sake, people just want to celebrate. That's normal.

I love weddings and parties and having a chance to celebrate. Two of my closest friends just got diagnosed with cancer. I've been through hell the last year healthwise and with IVF. Life can be hard and grim - it is nice to celebrate when we can.

JanewaysBun · 16/01/2024 13:00

I'd turn it into your annual holiday if you can, i really want to go to Canada!

Lizzieregina · 16/01/2024 13:03

Squiggles23 · 16/01/2024 09:52

Can you not turn it into a holiday? That’s what I would do. Make this your big annual trip and plan loads of other fun things to do for a week or two. With the wedding being part of it?

The biggest part of the costs will be the flights.

This is what I’d do.

ShirleyPhallus · 16/01/2024 13:03

HoppingPavlova · 16/01/2024 10:18

I think it’s ridiculous. If you cast your mind back to the last world war, lots of people got married quickly in less than ideal circumstances without wedding dresses, wedding parties and any frills. They didn’t throw make up weddings/parties/receptions when the war was over in order to do it ‘properly’ because they ‘missed out’. That’s life. People these days don’t have this mentality, maybe because now the social media aspect is more important than the actual event, I don’t know, but must be something as it’s endemic.

People wanting to celebrate with their friends. How awful of them!!

Noseybookworm · 16/01/2024 18:10

I'd go by yourself, especially if other friends are doing the same. It could be fun to have a few child free days with no-one to consider but yourself 😄

Pearbear · 16/01/2024 18:22

If other UK friends are going without partners and kids, you could go on your own and have a girls trip.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 16/01/2024 18:25

Why not go and have a lovely holiday in Canada with a party with an old friend included?

Wictc · 16/01/2024 18:27

I would go and make it a family holiday. Or of my husband didn’t want to go, I’d relish a trip on my own!!

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 16/01/2024 18:31

I bet DH will change his mind if you decide to go on your own and leave him with your 2 year old cynical

Gobolina · 16/01/2024 18:35

I love a party but I wouldn't travel halfway across the world for one. Because that's all this is essentially. A party.

Mitherations · 16/01/2024 18:42

If you want to go, go solo. It's a gathering in honour of a wedding, it doesn't matter if they don't sign on the line that day, the intention is what matters and if you want to be there, go.

PastorCarrBonarra · 16/01/2024 18:51

I’m with the majority. Go solo, fly with a friend. Get a twin hotel room with a friend to keep costs low, maybe?

CharmedCult · 16/01/2024 18:54

I would not go to Canada for a party.

SometimesMaybe · 16/01/2024 19:05

I would totally turn this into a holiday. Depending on where she is the flights are quite reasonable (air Canada rouge, weather, Canadian affair, air transit). It’s such a child friendly, beautiful country.
if not you should go on your own - she was your bridesmaid and whilst this isn’t the official “wedding” to her it’s her celebration and she will in 40 years time look back and show grandchildren her wedding photos and explain to them who you are and why it was important that you were there.

Mamabear487 · 16/01/2024 20:03

If it was me I would go on my own. Although we have been away for 4 days together when my oldest was 2 and was absolutely fine. Wouldn’t do it now I have 2 until my youngest is older 😂

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/01/2024 20:23

It is a wedding reception, just without the tedious bits immediately proceeding it.

Go, either leave everyone else at home or make a holiday of it.

MCOut · 16/01/2024 20:26

I would go on my own. Chances are when you suggest that DH might be more willing to go than manage your DD on his own, but don’t force him if not.

Personally, I’m not understanding all these, it’s just a party comments. A wedding is always a party imo and lacking the ceremony, doesn’t make it any less of a celebration.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 17/01/2024 05:11

Personally I’d go … but that’s because I’d WANT to, not out of a sense of obligation. I’d love to visit Canada. If your DH doesn’t want to go, then I’d go with out him, but again, that’s because I’d enjoy it anyway. And I wouldn’t rush it either tbh. Four days for a trip that far sounds mad to me. You say you can afford to take the family, can’t you make it a proper family holiday? And spend a day or two with your friend in the middle of it, with or without your DH?

JingsMahBucket · 17/01/2024 06:47

I’d go alone and for a week. Catch up friends and enjoy your time alone. Don’t feel guilty about it. Have and enjoy something for yourself @auberginefortea 🙂

rookiemere · 17/01/2024 07:12

I wouldn't go unless you really want to.

A close friend will understand there is a difference between attending a wedding in the UK and flying out to Canada, particularly as you now have a young DC.

If I was going all that way I'd want my friend to have time to spend with me which she won't with a big wedding celebration party.

Could you plan to go out at a different time and make a holiday of it ? It would be easy enough to make some excuse and Canada is a wonderful place to visit.

Theraffarian · 17/01/2024 07:25

Honestly I wouldn’t , unless I actually wanted to visit Canada and could make it into the family holiday for that year . Yes it’s sad her wedding got changed from her original plans and I understand her wanting to hold a big party now , but I wouldn’t want to travel that far just for a party .

I guess it comes down to if you are going out of a sense of duty as a friend , or if you really want to go , because they would result in different answers . When you analyse the situation, you aren’t going to see her get married and as we all know at big parties you spend limited time with the hosts anyway .

WhatNoRaisins · 17/01/2024 07:26

Like any foreign wedding, only if we could make it into a holiday. I find long journeys exhausting myself and it would have to be worth it for me.