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Original poster

Would you go to this wedding?

116 replies

auberginefortea · 16/01/2024 01:50

... well, a pseudo-wedding.

A very good friend of mine (bridesmaid at my wedding) planned her wedding during Covid, and had to cancel it twice because of the lockdowns and various travel restrictions. These weddings were planned to be in the UK. In the end, they had a small legal ceremony. She lives in Canada with her Canadian Husband, and we've been invited to a ceremony / party in Canada. Also since then, we've both had children.

DH is grumbling that he doesn't want to go because of the cost (technically we can afford it, but it's going to cost a few thousand pounds at least), whether to bring DD (2 years old), and that, well, it's not a wedding. Other UK friends are deciding to go without their partners if they have school-age children, as the wedding will be during term time. It doesn't affect us yet.

She's one of my oldest friends, and I feel sorry she wasn't able to have a wedding a few years ago. And she was a bridesmaid at our wedding.

What would you do?

OP posts:
reluctantbrit · 17/01/2024 07:32

I would either go on my own or turn it into a holiday.

ChristmasTreeMagic · 17/01/2024 07:41

I'd jump at the chance & so would dh. But we love to travel & have done so with dd since she was a baby & she's been all over the world now.

I have never once regretted the trips that we've taken & they are precious memories for me. When we got married 20 years ago we had guests who travelled from Texas & Germany & Scotland etc.

I'm always amazed at how inflexible & rigid so many people are. Life is short & it's what you make of it with experiences & relationships.

I would want to be at my friends wedding & I would want to see some of Canada so it would be a win win for me.

CatamaranViper · 17/01/2024 09:21

HoppingPavlova · 16/01/2024 10:52

@CatamaranViper Yes, but as I said, sometimes circumstance dictates that such a get together and associated photos just are not possible - such as war or pandemics. The difference is people just used to accept this and get on with life, nowadays not so much!

So? People also used to have loads of kids because chances are, some would die. People used to bathe once a week in front of an open fire with whole families sharing water. People used to shove kids up chimneys or under machinery.

Just because people used to do things a certain way doesn't mean we all must keep on doing things that way.

If people have the time, money and desire to throw a party then why the hell shouldn't they? Cos their ancestors didn't? Mental.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Weddings
Easipeelerie · 17/01/2024 09:23

Although you say it’ll be less nice without dh, he’ll be grumbling about the cost, so probably best go on your own.

IndysMamaRex · 17/01/2024 10:23

Go on your own. It’ll be an adventure & a break for you. DH will be fine for a few days

MorrisZapp · 17/01/2024 10:38

Growlybear83 · 16/01/2024 09:45

I don't think I would go. As your husband says, it's not her wedding - she's already had that - so it's essentially just a big party. It will cost you a lot to go, and if your husband isn't keen, I could think of much better ways to spend so much money. I would never want to go to something like that without my husband and wouldn't have left my daughter for any length of time at that age.

This is exactly why the 'have a small wedding now and a big party later' line just doesn't work. A party isn't a wedding. People will move heaven and earth for weddings, but will only attend parties if it's affordable and convenient.

Mazuslongtoenail · 17/01/2024 10:41

I wouldn’t, it’s going across the world for a party when you boil it down.

Or, I’d make it a two week holiday and we all go and the party is a very small part of the trip.

toomuchfaff · 17/01/2024 14:57

Seems logical, DH doesn't want to go, easier if he stays home with DC....

Go to your friends wedding.

Gymnopedie · 17/01/2024 15:10

Going on my own is an option, but less nice than going with DH.

That's something you're going to have to come to terms with. Either you go on your own or you don't go, but going with DH isn't an option.

And this I think is relevant - how are your family finances arranged? If you were to spend 'thousands' would that come out of the family pot and mean less for the DC/the house/a family holiday, or could you finance it out of your own money?

Toddlerteaplease · 17/01/2024 15:19

Canada would be too far and two expensive for me.

newmomaboutthreads · 17/01/2024 18:56

Just go. If you don’t celebrate moments in life when you have the means then what’s the point in anything.

Go alone it will be fun

Bikesandbees · 17/01/2024 21:29

I’d go on my own, and leave hubby and the kids at home.

Delphiniumandlupins · 18/01/2024 04:14

HoppingPavlova · 16/01/2024 10:18

I think it’s ridiculous. If you cast your mind back to the last world war, lots of people got married quickly in less than ideal circumstances without wedding dresses, wedding parties and any frills. They didn’t throw make up weddings/parties/receptions when the war was over in order to do it ‘properly’ because they ‘missed out’. That’s life. People these days don’t have this mentality, maybe because now the social media aspect is more important than the actual event, I don’t know, but must be something as it’s endemic.

But if two people want to have a party to celebrate their marriage with family and friends that's OK too. Even if that party is not the same date and place.

Delphiniumandlupins · 18/01/2024 04:20

MorrisZapp · 17/01/2024 10:38

This is exactly why the 'have a small wedding now and a big party later' line just doesn't work. A party isn't a wedding. People will move heaven and earth for weddings, but will only attend parties if it's affordable and convenient.

Show quote history

Thankfully most people didn't feel that way about my friend's wedding - a very, very small Covid wedding and a big party a year later. Maybe her guests cared enough about her to move heaven and earth to attend

DreamTheMoors · 18/01/2024 04:35

I’d go, with or without my (grumbling) husband.
She’s your friend.
She was in your wedding.
You love her.
Canada is always beautiful.
The baby will be fine with her grandparents if you leave her behind. If you take her along she’ll have a wonderful time on her first international trip.

Singleandfab · 18/01/2024 05:05

I’d go for at least 10 days and take DD. Up to your husband whether he joins or not but enjoy the fact you have a wonderful friend and you’ve both had children so the DC will have fun together too. Canada would be a great place to go on a holiday and you have the opportunity to go as DD not yet in school. You are married to your DH so there will be plenty more holidays with him/en famille! One life - live it!

Dibbydoos · 18/01/2024 06:26

@auberginefortea I would not go to Canada for 4 days.

Can you make it a proper holiday for all the family - see your friend and then do a tour, Canada is a beautiful country. It won't cost a little more and it'll make the trip worthwhile.

pictoosh · 18/01/2024 06:48

Not if it's going to cost thousands.

Futb0l · 18/01/2024 07:07

Honestly? Id probably struggle to go.

This is the downside of emigrating to a country a long way away, you make it very costly and time consuming for people to see you.

We had a similar situation with a family member who moved to abroad. DH went alone, at huge expense. I did not. It would have cost a massive amount and meant taking kids out of school.

A friend once said to me - it is brutal, but when people choose to emigrate they often forget all your lives carry on without them in it and over time of course relationships dwindle when someone is no longer around.

Futb0l · 18/01/2024 07:10

The baby will be fine with her grandparents if you leave her behind

This really isn't always true. I had to be in hospital for 2 weeks when my dc was 2. He was with his dad/usual childminder the whole time (i woh) but was badly affected by me being gone. He talked about it for months, and was constantly worried I'd go again. It made him very clingy.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 18/01/2024 07:10

I’d turn it into a family holiday. I’ve always fancied going to Canada

Alittlewordinyourear · 18/01/2024 07:35

Maybe try to incorporate wedding into family holiday to make it better value

DisforDarkChocolate · 18/01/2024 07:46

I'd go on my own.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 18/01/2024 09:25

HoppingPavlova · 16/01/2024 10:18

I think it’s ridiculous. If you cast your mind back to the last world war, lots of people got married quickly in less than ideal circumstances without wedding dresses, wedding parties and any frills. They didn’t throw make up weddings/parties/receptions when the war was over in order to do it ‘properly’ because they ‘missed out’. That’s life. People these days don’t have this mentality, maybe because now the social media aspect is more important than the actual event, I don’t know, but must be something as it’s endemic.

This. Not a chance I’d go, especially as it’s not even a real wedding.

Bertiesmum3 · 18/01/2024 09:41

All go and use it as one of your family holidays of the year, go for a couple of weeks instead of just for the wedding

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