Present issue - am I being horrible

[lazyalias]

My phone has been misbehaving for the last month. This evening, I popped into the relevant shop to get it sorted. In the end, as there were only a few months left on the contract, I got the early upgrade and damage fees waived (smashed screen), the new phone i wanted ordered - all good.

It turns out DP has actually bought me the phone I've upgraded to as a birthday present. He told me after the new contract was agreed (he knew I was going to the shop) and suggested I get a cheap sim only contract elsewhere. I hadn't said I wanted to leave my current provider as I'm quite happy with them.

Is it OK to v gently push back this present? I am grateful given the money involved but feel like phone contracts are very personal and should be discussed first. I feel horrible given how expensive a gift it is, and it was clearly meant well.

Are you feeling this way because of the cage? Getting another present that is practical rather than personal/emotional, and also involves some form of extra "work" from you, can take the shine off presents in general. Do you feel it's becoming a relationship where he can't see you as a person anymore?

EDIT - in 60s and 70s women would get a new iron or hoover as their present. Practical, very much needed, reduced her work as they were more efficient....but not personal. Is this how you feel?

How is what I said make it about him? Maybe it’s not the right gift for some people, but it’s still thoughtful. Lots of people gift phones and electronic device's. My opinion is he’s smart in his choice of gift.

You certainly can. I get unlimited texts and masses of data for £6 and my son unlimited for £8

I'd accept it. Then decide if I want to keep it as a second back up phone with a sim only contract, maybe good if I keep forgetting to charge it or use more than my data allowance. Or I'd sell it. Or keep it in its box unused until I needed a new phone. Maybe you could return it to the shop after he's given to to you OP? You don't have to tell him. If you've bought the same phone he won't know the one you're using isn't his present.

Financially smart but lacking in emotional intelligence.
No one wants gift with a side of " It will save x amount, aren't I clever"

I have unlimited everything for £12 Inc vat with UW on EE network even abroad

I wouldnt like it either, OP.

My sim only is £6.67 with 30gb and unlimited texts and minutes, it was a special offer through mse sometime last year - or maybe late 2022. Definitely worth sim only and shopping around.

@pippy1958 Yes it is.

My Fiancé got me the new iPhone a couple of years back, cost him a lot of money and I was very grateful. I now only pay £14.29 for unlimited everything vs the £50+ it costs on contract. Tbf we always buy outright and do sim only but at the time I didn’t fancy forking out £800 for a phone

I don’t mind a practical present though if it gives me more money to spend elsewhere 😁

Contracts are most times better if you're going for a higher spec/newer phone. I also get what op means by it's personal, not everyone likes the same phone, brands, screen size, etc. I would ask what he paid, see what PAYG SIM might cost in the same package and see which is cheaper. I wouldn't be a fan of a phone as a gift, I'd prefer an actual present that's a bit more personal not something I'd get anyways
P.s Giffgaff do great sim only deals

Also can you even get out of a contract once you've signed up??

He definitely should have told you before you went into the phone shop, as it was always possibly you’d walk out with a new phone to replace the damaged one. I’d be annoyed. That being said, phone contracts are expensive and SIM only ones are cheaper. I moved to a SIM-only one after my contract was up (as there was nothing wrong with my phone) and I pay £20 a month less and still get unlimited calls, texts, data etc. You’ve only just upgraded so you will have 14 days to cancel. I would do that. Although you would then have to pay the remaining months of the current contract. It doesn’t mean you have to carry on using the broken phone. What network is the new phone from your partner on? If it’s the same as your current one just put your current SIM card in the new phone. Then you aren’t dealing with a broken phone anymore but can still get the benefits of your contract. If it’s not, get the new phone unlocked so you can use any network SIM with it and do the same thing. Then when your contract is up in a few months shop around and get a good value SIM only deal with whichever provider you’d like to use with the phone your partner has bought you. Although I would be having words with him about what a carry on he’s caused by not saying anything to you about his present and make sure he understands the predicament he’s put you in!

I wouldn’t like it. I don’t think it’s a great present either..I mean as someone said. - it’s a necessary household bill. For me,
presents are a little (or big) luxury you wouldn’t usually get yourself. The phone present is a bit like saying “you’ve been moaning about being cold recently, so I’ve paid your gas bill for the next 12 months. You’re welcome!” Generous? Yes. But not a good present. Phones (and gas bills!) should be the responsibility of the individual I think

loads of people give mobile phones as presents....

So that would really really bother me. And I can see why the phone situation had further annoyed you when it’s followed on from this situation. I know presents should be surprises but in these situations he should have spoken to you first. For someone who has nothing to do with your pets to just buy them a new home home without consulting you? Animals often have specific housing requirements and there was a huge risk his gift wouldn’t fit the bill. I have two bunnies and aside from feed them if I’m away, DH has not much to do with them. If he bought them a house without asking me first - and as a gift to me - I’d be so angry. However, I’ve just upgraded their enclosure and it’s cost me a small fortune, so if he’d offered to contribute to that or buy a specific thing for it as a gift for me it would have been very welcomed, and I would have really appreciated that gift even though it is practical. I guess everyone is different in terms of what they’d like present wise. For me, something which would save me some ££ is a win and I’d be very grateful, but only if it was discussed with me beforehand if it was a situation like yours.

I would tell him you are incredibly grateful, but, with the situation with the contract phone having a few months to run and not wishing to lose your current number due to the faff that creates you would really find it easier to keep that one. Would he mind terribly if you were to return the gift? But you very much appreciate the thought he obviously put into it.

I think you’re being a fusspot, sorry.

On Boxing Day, I said, semi-jokingly although I was actually a bit upset, that the guinea pigs were very grateful for their present but not to get them more stuff for my birthday and he (semi-jokingly...) said I was being selfish for wanting something for myself. So I suppose this is an improvement of sorts. It does feel wrong complaining about gifts, even gently, I feel automatically unreasonable.

Neither of those ‘jokes’ were jokes.

passive aggressive / controlling gift giving

I don't disagree. I find it hard to express myself (hence agonising on Mumsnet) but I think he'd have just called me selfish full stop anyway if I'd said exactly what I thought.

he (semi-jokingly...) said I was being selfish for wanting something for myself.

Has he said other stuff like this about you? Hogging the TV remote, choosing what to have to eat, or where, or anything? That everything is always about you? Because it's a kinda strange thing to say. Saying "Sorry darling, I thought you would like it" is more normal. Telling you that you are selfish is not.

I just don't get why he didn't say
Ah I've bought you a phone
Seems like a trap to let you go out sort the contract etc and then tell you.
Does he enjoy being " right" and you are always "wrong"?

I would keep the phone and new contract you're happy with and get a refund for present to use for something else. Xx