At my breaking point - twins

[reallystruggling10]

I'm 29 with 2 month old twin boys, born end of October. DH works long hours in the city, leaves around 7.30 and doesn't get in until 6.30/7 in the evening. He also travels a lot. I'm from Australia so all my family are back there and DH's family are all in Denmark apart from his brother who has his own family.

They wake constantly throughout the night so me and DH are both not sleeping as we have one each. During the day they constantly want to be held which just isn't possible as I can only have one in the sling at a time. I barely leave the house, I can't get anything done so the house is a mess. Because I can't get them to stop crying, I'm crying. I've tried going on walks but they both hate the pram and so just scream all day. I don't get any time to myself.

As soon as they're in DH arms however they're angel babies, no crying. I feel like there's something wrong with me then. The only thing getting me through is the fact my DH has booked me a spa day next weekend, but then I feel guilty for leaving them.

Please tell me it gets better, I'm literally at my breaking point.

Can you afford to get help? Night nanny or help during the day to give you a break.

You could do one sling in front and one sling in back. Friend of mine did this with twins. It takes practice but she said it was a life saver.

As above, can you get some help for either during the day so you can rest or a night nanny?

Unless you no way whatsoever can afford it, I would get help in. Even if its a huge financial struggle and you have to make sacrifices.

Even just 2 days a week or dropping them off at nursery for a few hours, just enough for you to catch up on a bit of sleep, do a bit of a tidy etc.

If you can hire a cleaner and either a maternity nurse or nanny. The newborn stage can be difficult but it will get easier. Look after yourself and rest when you can.

I had a difficult baby and put her in nursery very young. Just half a day a week and I looked forward to it so much.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Your twins are still little and there is still time for them to come to enjoy the pram, even if they are screaming in it for now - you're walking so anyone around you isn't going to be affected for long. Fresh air does you and them a lot of good. The motion will probably eventually settle your twins, anyway.

Absolutely enjoy your spa weekend, you deserve it! And remember it won't always be this hard.

I can tell by what you've written that you're a great mum so please don't doubt yourself.

You need some home help until they are old enough to go to nursery part time.

Don’t feel like you’re failing, you’re doing amazingly. No one can do this alone.

Just to add - not that anyone should be too affected by small babies crying in public, anyway! So don't worry OP.

Do you know whether there is a local twins' club? They are good for advice practical support and information.

Firstly, 8 weeks is exactly the age my twins were when I wanted to run away, its peak exhaustion time.
Secondly, i did a lot of sitting on the floor with blankets - one between my legs and one being cuddled.
Thirdly, you are doing an amazing job and it will get easier xxx

I remember this vividly it is so, so hard! I once got DH to get an uber home from the station just so he'd be back 10 mins sooner to take over.

Check out your local Home Start you may be able to get some help during the days: https://www.home-start.org.uk/twins-triplets-and-many-children

You can get slings where you can wear two babies on your front at once. I have seen posts on baby wearing Facebook pages and know my local sling library hires them out. Potentially that might help?

I can't offer any advice as only have a single but felt exactly the same for the first 3 months or so x

Twins are so tough. I’ve been there and I completely sympathise. I found twins more than twice as hard as a singleton. So difficult to give them what they seem to need. It does get better.

Do pay for some help if you can.
Find a routine so you get out for a walk in the morning.
Accept that some days are difficult and a day in bed with tv and takeaway is ok.

Best wishes.

I’ve been there with twins. Please don’t ever blame yourself or feel inadequate. It’s so so hard. They are just angel babies for your other half because he arrives when they’ve worn themselves out yelling for the rest of the day! Things I found that helped a bit were the Baby Bright and Baby Einstein DVDs (i know people have views on TV for babies but if it’s just for 30 mins to save your sanity I reckoned it was worth it and those DVDs are amazing, they’re designed to capture really young babies attention.) If you’ve got a toy library locally try out bouncy / swing / vibrating chairs until you find one your babies like, they are also an absolute godsend but what works for one baby won’t work for all. It’s worth contacting Homestart if you’ve got one locally, they can help for a few hours a week potentially, or pop a message on a local FB group asking if there are any teenagers considering a career in childcare who would like to come and help out for some cash - you just need extra hands at this point, you’re not going to leave them with your babies, it’s just to have someone to hold a baby. If you can find ways to bring a bit more calm you’ll hopefully find it’s a positive circle, I found one baby would scream, the other one would start, I’d get stressed and upset because I couldn’t comfort both of them at the same time, and I think me being upset fed into them being upset. It gets much easier I promise. Nothing is as hard as the first bit. (Although I have to say the teenage years in particular have their own challenges!!). Hope things get easier for you very soon.

It might be worth having a look at whether TAMBA could help. I know they are partnered with Norland Nannies, who can provide support. It could give you both a chance to sleep.

As for the crying, it’s absolutely not you. There can be multiple reasons, some mums still have a little milk and this can make babies fuss, some babies just feel they can express emotion with own parent more and for others it’s just Sod’s Law! It doesn’t reflect on you at all. My DD hated the buggy, car seat and slings until she was about 7 months old, but gradually grew to be fine in them and sleep. It won’t always be like this, promise.

i agree with other posters who suggest you really need to get some help in urgently. This will help you get back on your feet and help while your babies move on a stage and perhaps have a bit more of a routine. Ideally get someone in for a few hours every day or several days a week so you can sleep, get out for a walk perhaps with one baby at a time first, find time to organise yourself and your household, and bond with your babies.
if your DP works long hours in the city, you need to insist that money is spent on this as it is an essential investment in the family’s future.

It will get easier, I promise. Hang in there. I remember barely anything of my dts first 3 months. I did have a couple of bouncy chair things which were quite handy.
❤️

I remember this so well and u don't have twins. You're doing an amazing job.

Twingo is a double sling and can be hired from Sheffield sling library. They will also do a zoom lesson to help you get it on and off.

Have a look at local children centre they often do free stay and play just to get out and talk to an adult.

Re the pram try rolling a blanket onto sausage shape as a sort of bumper around them to make them feel more snug. It's safe enough as you're watching them. Blast white noise at them. I recommend marpac hush machine from Amazon. Muslin comforter stick it down your tip for a few night and then give it to them. Have ine each. Again buy from Amazon for easy replacement when it gets lost. Keep persevering with a dummy. Try different brands. My both liked mam ones.

Absolutely go and enjoy your spa day. You grew and birthed two human beings. From scratch!!! You are amazing!

Also, the babies may cry when you hold them because they know it’s you and want to breastfeed, this is very natural for them but demanding for you so you need support now so you don’t get any more overwhelmed.

Oh and the crying and intensity of noise I recommend loop earplugs. They have absolutely saved my life.

It does get better. You are currently in the worst phase of having twins that you will ever experience. Mine are teenagers and reading your post gave me flipping flashbacks.

But it does get better.
Right now though, if your husband is away until 7, then some of the household budget has to go on help for you.

I remember new born twinnies. It’s hard, really hard.

Someone said to me that she had heard twins were easier than one baby. I nearly whacked her.

My (now ex)H also worked long, late hours. Having my singleton baby first was an entirely different experience. The twins felt like a slog. We got there because you kind of have to but I don’t have many fond memories of their first few months. I felt a little bit robbed of that special time if I’m honest!

Mine are 6 now and are a delight and have been for a long time. Twins are special and their little bond is so precious.

Get whatever help you can afford and try and find a twin group - those mums will get you!

At night, my sister and her husband found it easier to put the babies in together, and take turns to do a night with them and have a night off. Luckily they took breast and bottle which really helped. That was the theory anyway but their night 'off' was spent in with their eldest! I'm in awe of her tbh but they got through somehow. Her parenting ethos is path of least resistance / whatever you need to survive the moment. Let the future get sorted later.

Get two bouncers and feed babies together - sit in the middle

You and your husband really need to do a night each so that you can both have a proper rest

If you can afford help please get it - if only for a few months