Alternatives to a traditional Xmas - I’ve realised it just doesn’t work and I don’t enjoy it. What should we do next year?!

[Whatsgoingonwithmyhead]

Me, DH, DC age 5

xmas just doesn’t work.

DC totally overwhelmed, awful awful behaviour, so many tears

Awful for me and DH, we’ll be going back to work exhausted. DC been up at 5am everyday (3 am on Christmas Day) . No opportunity to relax while Dc awake as she’s so full on

No other similar age kids in wider family (a newborn & a teen). Adult relatives made limited effort with DC, causing her to attention seek and behave terribly . Adult relatives don’t look after / entertain DC even for an hour or 30 minutes, so DH and I get no down time.

I wasted £100 on Christmas dinner but didn’t get to enjoy it due to tantrums . Might as well have stuck a couple of pizzas in oven

If you don’t do a traditional Christmas, but still want to make it special, what do you do?

(We don’t have £5- £10k spare to go skiing unfortunately)

Did you hype it up a lot? What edit you do for Christmas were you visiting others? It sounds adult focused was there lots of sitting around?

Are they generally a bad sleeper?

I think a lack of routine can make kids unsettled so I think you can still "do Christmas" but just be more realistic eg no visitors, fewer presents, lots of walks and fresh air, you and DH each get a day "off", have your Christmas dinner when they go to bed.

They will be a bit older next year so it might be easier?

Otherwise I think your only option is to treat it like any other day?

As the PP said... Can't you just spend it quietly at home? She could have one present and a stocking and you could have a nice roast dinner without making too much fuss about it.

Edited to ask what she's like on a normal weekend?

At that age its all so exciting and thrilling but yes they are a horror when out of routine. Next year they will be a bit older so that may improve but sticking to a bit of a regular pattern even during holidays does help. Sleep is a must, I'm sure you know that of course, as are healthy meals amid the treats! When my dtwins were small, food & sleep were the rocks I clung to!

Aside from that, less activities maybe, just simple stuff, baking, lots of fresh air if possible. As for an alternative Christmas- not quite sure what you mean? At that age we did little, stayed put and let them play with their toys. What about a cottage/Lodge break next year? Or if at home a buffet instead of lots of cooking?

Create less hype on the run up to it.
Ditch the elf, ditch the toy advent calendars, ditch the Christmas eve boxes.

Have something child focused for after dinner, a daft game or something that the grandparents can get roped into.

Some of my funniest Christmas memories are Grandparents/ Great grandparents trying out console games - from Horris Go's Skiing on a ZX Spectrum to Mario Kart on a Wii an generation later - maybe that was just my Grandparents!

This is why Santa only brings gifts to well behaved children

If you're in the UK, maybe hire a country cottage for a few days. That way, you don't have to see relatives, you can regulate what your child does, plus lots of fresh air and country walks to help her sleep.

You can do whatever you want. There are no rules (other than the fact that Christmas Day is always 25th and Boxing Day 26th December).
What bits actually give you pleasure? Any of it?

Short flight to somewhere sunny, with a kiddie pool?

My suggestion as well. That would be my idea of heaven.

Well you have a full year to manage dd's terrible sleeping...

What was the schedule leading up to Christmas? When DD was that age we just used to keep the run-up simple. A trip into town to visit Santa's Grotto, look at the lights and pick up a new decoration for the tree, etc. Now it seems to be that unless you (generic "you"), have done December 1st boxes, Elf on the shelf, Christmas markets, Christmas Eve boxes etc, then you have somehow not given them a memorable time. Keeping it simple and lessening the hype surrounding Christmas worked for me. DD is 31 now and has fond memories of her childhood Christmases.

@Taciturn what a ridiculous answer

@Whatsgoingonwithmyhead our ds used to be like this. The anticipation was the issue for him. (He does have additional needs) so he knew what his presents were, the Xmas eve box had a note from santa clearly saying he was definetly coming and colouring books etc to keep him occupied. One year we had Xmas dinner on Xmas eve and buffet the next day. Another year we had Christmas Dinner but with things ds likes (plain pasta etc) and they could get up and down from the table as and when
A lot of ds' gifts were physical things, scooter, crash mat etc. We also siphoned off plenty of presents that could be opened/played with another time.
We'd make sure his tummy was full before bed with cereal etc as he'd not eat much decent food through the day so would wake up early. We also took too taking juice carton, wrapped pastry and banana up to bed and giving it to him when he woke up and letting him play in his room /our room while we dozed.
It does get easier

DS is a bundle of energy at any time, but he does not get up at 5am, he stays in his room until his clock changes colour, a few boring mornings when he first tried it a year or so ago, stopped him trying to get up at the crack of dawn. Other than Christmas day itself when we were out late but he fell asleep in the car in the way home (took PJs and toothbrush) we've kept as close to normal bedtime as possible even when staying with PIL for a few days, and made sure to get outside for dog walks etc, he's definitely had more cakes, biscuits, chocolate etc than usual but there's a limit. He's still expected to eat normal meals fruit and veg, and it's ok to say no, a tonne of sugar on top of no sleep isn't helping anyone. Regular bed time also means we get adult down time in the evenings. He's also 5 an only and surrounded by adults for most of Christmas, it's not their job to entertain him. He plays well with us, on his own, sometimes other adults will play with him but he doesn't expect it.

What is your DC like most of the time? You might find Christmas less stressful without that behaviour.

It's a shame you've found it all so hard, you're not alone there. How do you usually manage with dc, it sounds like you find it all overwhelming. Try not to have such high expectations. Don't go on social media, it makes everyone seem happy, easy and successful and it isn't. I'd say your dc isn't reacting badly due to others not giving her attention but it's maybe all too much out of their routine. Try to cut down on sensory overstimulating at home, lowlights, tv off, look at books, have snacks, get her relaxed before introducing tv for movie etc. One of my kids bloody hates Christmas and was awful as a child, hated visitors, visiting and any fuss, was really rude to people and had me cringing. He needed routine, no white noise, to be relaxed. Just do what you actually want to do instead of jumping through hoops, if you hate it so will they.

Don't put your tree up early and extend the hype. Keep everything simple in December....no multiple visits to Santa etc.
Plenty of exercise

We don't have kids but I'm totally sick of the work involved in cooking a massive roast. I'm sick of doing it as a host and I'm sick of seeing others do it when we're hosted.
DH does the cooking when its our turn. I help to prep the food, make the house look nice and then do ALL of the washing up, and then of course DH is praised for his efforts as the chef and I'm totally overlooked.
Next year it looks like we're hosting again, and I want to do a cold buffet instead. No formality. All prepped in advance - cheese, ham, chutney, crackers, pork pie, pate, bread, crisps etc. Help yourself to what you like, when you like.

We have an only DC and our Christmasses were always quiet, relaxed and chilled. Is your DD generally ' prone to melt downs', did you hype Christmas up?
If your DD is 'full on' all the time perhaps she is always like this? Does she need constant entertaining?
We spent time going for walks, two or three child friendly church services .. board games, nice food, DH would watch films with DS I loathe child friendly films, we didn't see too many relatives at the same time. But I guess the difference is probably that our DC has always been laid back and a great sleeper... we were always awake before him on Christmas morning .

At that age Christmas is just too much in my opinion. School and clubs doing parties or extra fun stuff doesn't help.

We tried to simplify it as much as possible. Keep it easy and not going overboard.

Thanks to elderly parents, long distance and my work we are always alone for Christmas. That means there is no issue with keeping others happy, we eat what we want, we do presents as and when we want. And it means if I want to take a nap on Christmas Day at 2pm, I do it.

I'd stick with a traditional Christmas but just do it much, much smaller than you did this year. Make it small enough so that your DC can cope with it and you don't feel overworked, not just Christmas day but the build-up etc as well, limit all of it to manageable levels.

If dinner is an issue you could look at eating out somewhere too.

Something that some of my family who have kids do

• take the pressure off the big meal. Have a “traditional meal” on Christmas Eve. Gives good full bellies and left overs for nibbly Christmas Day buffet style eating
• don’t wrap all of the big gifts and let them take the time over the day to play with what they want.
• routine of bedtimes and back in bed or naps.

Sorry all of this may not help but you can structure the time however works for you. It may take time for you to figure out what the best thing is. Best wishes OP

But where? Anywhere that is a ‘short flight’ is going to be pretty similar in weather terms, maybe a bit warmer but you can’t guarantee sun in December anywhere in Europe.

And….. has the annual chaos at airports and now railway stations passed you by? Not where I would like to be with a not very placid child.

Is there something in particular that you think has affected her behaviour? Too much excitement? Lack of routine?

We have a similar set up to you and while our DC has been excited, we haven’t had such a drastic change in behaviour. I’d try to identify what the issues are before trying Christmas somewhere else and having the same behaviour in a different location.

We give each other breaks by taking turns since we don’t have anyone else to help out.

If having pizza for Christmas is what works for you, go for it.

Keep it as simple as possible.

Observe Advent. Put the tree up on Christmas Eve. Have a normal roast dinner on Christmas Day. Father Christmas will bring a stocking and one gift. Focus on your DC giving rather than receiving.

what do you mean by traditional Christmas?
it’s difficult to comment as it’s not clear how exactly you’ve spend Christmas and with whom. Do you complain about the day or about the whole holiday week?
You don’t need to go all the way to Australia for a different Christmas when in reality you are just not happy about going to your MIL’s house too early on Christmas Day.

I did make pizza for Christmas this year. With sprouts and parsnips.

I don't do well at Christmas, get overwhelmed and have meltdowns. I am not 5 but I may as well be so, definitely stems from overwrought childhood memories of a very stressed mum (very difficult family dynamics.)

It was much better kept calm and doing my own thing, experiment next year and keep the socialising to manageable levels.