Alternatives to a traditional Xmas - I’ve realised it just doesn’t work and I don’t enjoy it. What should we do next year?!

[Whatsgoingonwithmyhead]

Me, DH, DC age 5

xmas just doesn’t work.

DC totally overwhelmed, awful awful behaviour, so many tears

Awful for me and DH, we’ll be going back to work exhausted. DC been up at 5am everyday (3 am on Christmas Day) . No opportunity to relax while Dc awake as she’s so full on

No other similar age kids in wider family (a newborn & a teen). Adult relatives made limited effort with DC, causing her to attention seek and behave terribly . Adult relatives don’t look after / entertain DC even for an hour or 30 minutes, so DH and I get no down time.

I wasted £100 on Christmas dinner but didn’t get to enjoy it due to tantrums . Might as well have stuck a couple of pizzas in oven

If you don’t do a traditional Christmas, but still want to make it special, what do you do?

(We don’t have £5- £10k spare to go skiing unfortunately)

If at home: Christmas Day just the three of you. Family on Boxing Day and keep it short. For Christmas dinner make duck not turkey, which is very easy to make, small and kids prefer. Add plain veggies they like. Or just get something from Cook or M&S. get one present that requires physical activity (football, scooter etc) and utilise during walk in the park in the afternoon to tire them out. Lots of crackers. Christmas film (lost and found or the snowman). Bed.
money no object: what @Mercurysinretrograde said: all inclusive in Mauritius. Our kiddo isn’t a fan of kids clubs but a week in the warm weather playing around in the sea and pools with lovely chefs doing the cooking = everyone happy.

@macaronicheezepleeze seriously that is one of the weirdest suggestions ever, in my head Christmas is a family day multi generation family day. Not a day for babysitters and romantic meals out. That's what valentines is for.

Buffet instead of a formal, sit down dinner.
Take away all the "extras" which ramp up the excitement to wild level -do things like walks or scooter rides to see Christmas lights in the area, not elves doing naughty things (if you do of course!) Take note of things which were particularly bad and swap them or exclude them.
If the adults in the family are not keen on interaction with the kids, then just see them for quick visits, not all day events. Mince pie and a tea while the kids open a present requiring concentration or watch a christmas tv show.

Oh and I will say that a year makes a LOT of difference at their age. You might find Christmas 2024 a lot easier.

Agree with everyone else saying pare down as much as you can. Time outdoors if at all possible.

More controversial, but worth a thought: ditch all the 'magic'. Elves, Santa, let the whole shebang out of the bag. Some kids find it stressful and are much happier with the truth.

Remember next year DC will be a year older. So many children become monsters at Christmas. I think the more you get worked up about having a perfect Christmas, the worst it becomes. We had a quiet Xmas at home with just my dad here, and it was nice. Boundaries set in place - DS could open his stocking in his bedroom but wouldn't come into us at 7. He was happy playing with the bits he got in his stocking.

This year I didn't want to cook so we ate out for the first time ever. I really liked it and we decided not to do presents (me and dh). We also went for a night away just me and dh instead (dcs are older though!) Also, I prioritized the bits I like e.g music and we sang a lot of carols and I didn't make any Christmas cake! Apart from that we just did what we normally do at weekends.

Book holiday clubs for the interim days for your child so you get time to relax. Assuming you never get down time at weekends or after school hours either If she’s too full on?
Is there something you can do to work on this? Will she sit quietly and watch an iPad or tv while you relax?

Being stuck in the house entertaining loads of adults with an over excited child is awful - Xmas or not!

Keeping the run up to a minimum is the best thing. Xmas eve for the tree is fine.

The whole craziness of matching pj's, trips.out etc is a commercial trick to make us feel that we need to spend our money.

Don't even tell them it's Xmas eve if it's easier not too. Have a lovely evening watching a xmas film and hot chocolate. Just let them wake up to their gifts.

Deffo go out for a long walk (get a scooter out outside toy as the push for this). They will hopefully be tired enough to chill after lunch.

Just have a roast dinner with a posh shop bough desert.

Don't host - just have your small family then visit extended family in the afternoon.

Christmas is madness for the expectation it puts on us!

This is what I was going to ask.

Are there any additional needs at play?

I don't recognise this behaviour at all (I have an 11, 8 and 5yo) but I know some kids can get really over stimulated.

Personally I'd be scaling it all back. 3am wake up? Fuck that.

We went to Egypt this year and intend to return next year as the kids had an amzing time. We took a stocking for Xmas morning with a wanted gift and sweets. The resort had a Xmas gala on Xmas eve with Turkey, veg etc and a stage show.

I found it to be so less stressful not running around for last minute gifts etc. We had a mini Xmas with family before we flew out to exchange presents.

Are there holiday clubs over Christmas??

There are where I live. Not for all the days. But for some of the days between xmas and new year and the first few days in Jan. My kids aren’t back until the 8th and I’m back to work on the 27th dec

I don’t think this approach will work for OP’s 5y.o DC. 😉

I've got a 5 year old terrible sleeper. Parents who haven't dealt with sleep disorders don't understand, they just can't get it so just ignore the people who are giving useless comments here.

We went to lanzarote this year, weather was glorious at 23 degrees and sunny, and the flight is only 4 hours. We had a villa with heated pool. All the pressure to deliver a perfect Christmas was gone and we spent lots of time sightseeing and outdoors so not the cabin fever you can get at home. Christmas isn't big over there so here isn't that sensory overload you get at home.

We had a bbq and salad for lunch which was perfect, we took a small pop up tree, all presents were pretty small stocking filler type things, but quite a lot of them, and we'll do a couple of bigger presents later in the week at home.

It was so good, we'll do it again next year.

Cancelling Christmas because you can't parent your child is crazy.

Oh and in case it helps, my little one is sensitive too, and it works for us to explain everything that will happen on the day and in the lead up and we don't do any of the elves, hyped up magic stuff. We tell the truth and we talk about why we buy each other presents at Christmas etc, no naughty or nice lists, no stranger in red delivering gifts (he doesn't like people in costume, so seeing santa is not something that interests him)

Ok. Why is that any of your business to judge what we do? The whole family had a traditional meal together on Christmas Eve. On Christmas Day we went out just the two of us as we barely ever get the chance to. We're worn down to nothing with work, stress and raising a toddler with no family help the rest of the year.

Everyone had a fantastic time and his grandparents were chuffed to bits to get a little of Christmas Day just the 3 of them together.

I think your response is one of the weirdest things I've ever read.

One year we when DD1 was small we had Xmas dinner on Xmas after she was in bed. Xmas day was low key, think we did church and light lunch with presents. And early to bed for her and grandparents too.

We never cooked a proper Christmas Dinner when dc were little, we put on a little morning buffet, relatives were welcome to call in ad hoc. We cooked a joint and had hot sandwiches, with party food bits. Kids were just at home with all their own things, bed at a normal time. Afternoon dog walk to burn some energy. Basically nothing too hyped up

My DD was terrible sleeper at 5 and tbh quite beyond - she was much worse in new places. Your Christmas at Lanzarote sounds really nice but going somewhere is not a guarantee that a child will sleep through, it’s often quite the opposite.

Exercise is key
Christmas Eve swim (we still do this with our kids now and they are teens )
Christmas Day walk - one between main and pudding. Everyone's behaviour is better after this !

True - they can't go away. But my main point was that she should do more of what she wants so that she doesn't feel burnt out. Plus we didn't really have days of being out of routine which just seems to make the kids and me bored and tetchy. Yes, it's harder when kids are small but I think that some structure helps everyone.

@pizzaHeart oh I didn't mean to imply they would sleep because they're on holiday (sadly definitely not the case for me!) But more that being away took the pressure off and it's easier to be tired when you're somewhere nice and sunny and relaxed.

Thanks for all of you who offered genuine replies.

For those who offered replies aimed at making me feel worse than I already do - shame on you.

To answer a few points we kept Xmas low key already - no elf on shelf, no Xmas eve box, from us she got a bike & stocking.

We got out for fresh air - outdoor swim (heated pool don’t worry!) and walk on beach on Xmas eve on rode her new bike Xmas day

Yes I am wondering if there are additional needs at play. I’m not an experienced person with kids so not sure what “normal” looks like