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Original poster

Alternatives to a traditional Xmas - I’ve realised it just doesn’t work and I don’t enjoy it. What should we do next year?!

77 replies

Whatsgoingonwithmyhead · 30/12/2023 13:26

Me, DH, DC age 5

xmas just doesn’t work.

DC totally overwhelmed, awful awful behaviour, so many tears

Awful for me and DH, we’ll be going back to work exhausted. DC been up at 5am everyday (3 am on Christmas Day) . No opportunity to relax while Dc awake as she’s so full on

No other similar age kids in wider family (a newborn & a teen). Adult relatives made limited effort with DC, causing her to attention seek and behave terribly . Adult relatives don’t look after / entertain DC even for an hour or 30 minutes, so DH and I get no down time.

I wasted £100 on Christmas dinner but didn’t get to enjoy it due to tantrums . Might as well have stuck a couple of pizzas in oven

If you don’t do a traditional Christmas, but still want to make it special, what do you do?

(We don’t have £5- £10k spare to go skiing unfortunately)

OP posts:
Glittering1 · 30/12/2023 15:12

It's not a Christmas problem though is it?

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 30/12/2023 15:12

We do our meal on Xmas Eve, and there's a box under the tree with new PJs. That motivates them to go to bed.
Having the big meal out of the way really takes the pressure off Christmas day.

Loopytiles · 30/12/2023 15:12

Not enough info in your OP.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Events & celebrations Families
Loopytiles · 30/12/2023 15:14

It seems like you had house guests - extended family - and hosted for the xmas period?

forcedfun · 30/12/2023 15:17

Getting outside for lots of walks always helps I find. A Christmas eve walk to christingle/ a christmas day walk to try out some kind of new toy/ a walk to see all the Christmas lights etc.

One year DS just asked to spend time with us playing football so we went to a park and had such a lovely afternoon on Christmas day

Could you do it just the three of you, and pick meals you like and that are simple to cook? Maybe a big family roast type meal with extended family on a different day? (We used to do this on boxing day growing up, or new years day)

Go for a few carefully planned presents, that include activities to do together on Christmas day.

Crunchingleaf · 30/12/2023 15:19

What is ‘normal’ behaviour for your child. How do you normally structure your weekends or holidays with your child. Is this actually a Christmas problem? Were you at home in your own house or visiting?

To be honest my solution for when kids get out of hand is fresh air. We go for a walk or play outside. Really makes a big difference to behaviour for mine. If we are visiting others we leave when we sense the kids have had enough.

fluffiphlox · 30/12/2023 15:19

From what I read on here, Christmas has become very busy. Advent is meant to be a quiet time of reflection. Although I am ancient, with no children or grandchildren, I would say keep it simple, few presents, minimal visiting and plenty of time outside. Or go to the Canaries.

SunshineOnARainyDay3 · 30/12/2023 15:27

I'd suggest no Xmas day meal but do buffet food instead.
I'd also do a visual time table for the day (and the days either side of Xmas day) so your child knows the structure of the day. Doesn't need to be anything fancy - I use a whiteboard and write on what's happening in order. Before my child could read, I used to draw pictures and discuss it with him. E.g. open stocking, b.fast, open presents, what TV, lunch, see Nanny, free-time, tea, bath, bed etc etc

Andthereyougo · 30/12/2023 15:39

Just do what you want at home. No need to see anyone.
Book a cottage somewhere ( by a beach, rural and remote) and have a holiday.
Book early cheap flights to Spain and rent an apartment.

Ive done all of these, nice stress free Christmases.

Finchgold · 30/12/2023 15:44

Mines 6 and was the same. We didn’t visit Santa or do Christmas days out, just a standard chocolate advent calendar and no Christmas Eve box. We decorated the house and there were a few Christmas activities through school so I wasn’t being Scrooge or anything, I was just trying really hard to keep things calm. Christmas Eve was lovely and chilled out with a big walk and play in the park. We still had a month of 5am wake ups followed by 3am on Christmas Day. I think we just have to suck it up, it’s only for a few years. And if family make the day harder have words with them beforehand about helping or just stay home and dont let anyone else join you.

TheSeasonalNameChange · 30/12/2023 15:49

We've had the same experience and it's just not that enjoyable. Going to either spend it at home with just us next year or go on holiday. I think we tried to fit too much in.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 30/12/2023 15:52

Dontcallmescarface · 30/12/2023 14:15

What was the schedule leading up to Christmas? When DD was that age we just used to keep the run-up simple. A trip into town to visit Santa's Grotto, look at the lights and pick up a new decoration for the tree, etc. Now it seems to be that unless you (generic "you"), have done December 1st boxes, Elf on the shelf, Christmas markets, Christmas Eve boxes etc, then you have somehow not given them a memorable time. Keeping it simple and lessening the hype surrounding Christmas worked for me. DD is 31 now and has fond memories of her childhood Christmases.

I'm in my 30s and I'm trying to recreate my childhood Christmas experiences for DC because I remember them being magic and lovely. But they were simple.

Advent calendar, walk/drive to see the lights, maybe a Christmas Market, a look round a garden centre Christmas section etc. New PJs on Christmas Eve with a book and a hot chocolate. Quiet morning with presents, roast dinner, walk with the dog. Rubbish telly.

Sometimes just us, sometimes extended family.

OP, don't stress. Just do the stuff you all like and ignore the rest. Make it your day.

Mercurysinretrograde · 30/12/2023 15:52

Mauritius. Perfect weather in December and all the big hotels have kids clubs, so DD can alternate days with you and days at the club where she can do supervised fun stuff with similarly aged kids (and you get a day off). The kids usually have a blast.

AlisonDonut · 30/12/2023 15:54

Just stick a couple of pizzas in the oven then.

It's not hard, do what you want not what society thinks you should do.

Crikeyalmighty · 30/12/2023 16:02

I feel exhausted just looking at some Facebook posts of people with young kids- I think adulthood will be a ginormous letdown for many youngsters who seem to have very high expectations of a month long Disney type existence or is it that their parents feel the pressure to spend, spend up to the level of others??

alliscalmish · 30/12/2023 16:02

So what worked well for us was staying at home without guests on Christmas Day. DDs had pasta bake for Christmas lunch, our food was all pre prepared so no cooking stress. We kept it very low key and low expectations, plenty of time to play with presents, and it was the best Christmas Day we've had so far.

Pancakeorcrepe · 30/12/2023 16:06

I would have higher expectations on behaviour of a five year old. It’s not up to other adults to entertain her. At her age, she should be able to entertain herself with toys. Did you hype up Christmas a lot?

14Q · 30/12/2023 16:15

Don't ask other people to watch your kids unless it's prearranged or offered. What about Using some of that £100 for a babysitter then you and you DH could go out for a nice lunch and last minute shop on Xmas eve. Kids stay home and chill. (That's what my dh and I did when our kids were little).

Changingplace · 30/12/2023 16:24

Did you have loads of house guests over Christmas OP? I’m not sure it’s their responsibility to look after your DC.

Was it all massively hyped up? I think expectations of Christmas has become quite overwhelming and exhausting even for adults, I can’t even imagine what all this and being a small child must be like.

Keeping everything low key, simple and not straying too much from normal routines is the way to go imo.

NeedToChangeName · 30/12/2023 16:28

Christmas roast dinner on Christmas Eve, so Christmas Day is just for gifts, playing, TV, snacking and a big walk

Sugarfree23 · 30/12/2023 16:29

ChoseARandomUserName · 30/12/2023 14:21

We don't have kids but I'm totally sick of the work involved in cooking a massive roast. I'm sick of doing it as a host and I'm sick of seeing others do it when we're hosted.
DH does the cooking when its our turn. I help to prep the food, make the house look nice and then do ALL of the washing up, and then of course DH is praised for his efforts as the chef and I'm totally overlooked.
Next year it looks like we're hosting again, and I want to do a cold buffet instead. No formality. All prepped in advance - cheese, ham, chutney, crackers, pork pie, pate, bread, crisps etc. Help yourself to what you like, when you like.

Get a take away or don't host. Nobody wants a cold buffet in December. Regardless of how nice the food is.

ChoseARandomUserName · 30/12/2023 17:01

Sugarfree23 · 30/12/2023 16:29

Get a take away or don't host. Nobody wants a cold buffet in December. Regardless of how nice the food is.

Show quote history

Everyone in our families would love it and it's basically a more elaborate version of what we eat on Christmas evening already.
In fact, I think most people we know have something similar on Boxing Day each year.

Needmorelego · 30/12/2023 17:18

@Sugarfree23 a cold buffet sounds delicious.

user1471538283 · 30/12/2023 17:42

I remember a couple of Christmases when my DS was small when he got so overwhelmed.

I then cut it back a bit. A trip to Santa, seeing the lights and a snuggly Christmas eve. Of course school was mental enough with all the Christmas stuff.

I also resolved for him to have one big present and a stocking from me as he got so much from everyone else.

I don't know how I had the energy to do the cooking I used to do either. I don't now. I do a big lunch Christmas day and that's it!

macaronicheezepleeze · 30/12/2023 18:44

We dropped our toddler with our parents for Christmas dinner and went out for a meal together. We had Christmas morning together opening his presents and just relaxing at home.

Also made sure that he only met Santa once in the run up to Christmas. We know some families who were dashing about to different Christmas events, meeting Santa, breakfast with Santa, meeting Mrs Claus (didn't even know that was a thing until this year!) I just don't have the energy and I know our son would have been completely overwhelmed with it all.