I didn't expect it to hurt this much

[Redtartanlass]

Took my dog to the vet today to get put to sleep.

I knew he was ready about 2 weeks ago, wanted him to have one last happy Christmas with me and the kids.

I knew I'd be upset, knew we'd all be upset but my god! The pain!!! My heart is breaking.

God forgive me but I used to think that people who overly grieved about a pet had never experienced death before, so maybe that's why they were so emotional.

But this pain, is overwhelming. I've lost my dad this year, an aunt an uncle and 2 very close friends, and I feel worse for my pooch's death than I do for theirs.

My dad had Alzheimer's, so although obviously I was distressed when he died it was a blessing for all of us. He wouldn't have wanted to live how he was.

When my mum died when I was in my 20's it felt like I was physically punched in the stomach. The pain was horrendous.

I have lost many people since then, and thought I was less affected by death.

But losing my companion of 16 years has thrown me. I worked from home most of his life and he was my Velcro dog, he was always stuck to my side.

Even if I went to the shops he'd have to come in the car with me. He slept on my bed (I know, I know a huge mumnset no no!!) he was with me constantly. I couldn't even go to the toilet without him sitting dolefully behind the door.

He saw me thought my breakup, he was there when I cried into his fur when there was no one else. He's been my plus one for the 6 years I've been single. :)

He was my shadow and I don't think I realised how much I loved him.

I feel embarrassed about feeling so upset. It's only been 5 hours. But I keep thinking I hear outside my bedroom door, almost jumping out of bed to let him in.

He died peacefully in my arms surrounded by the kids. It was so peaceful and I know it was the right thing for him.

I feel guilty for being annoyed when he tripped me up as he was always at my feet. Feel guilty for shouting at him when he raided a bin.

He was the only one left in the world who loved me unconditionally. And he's gone.

I've always been sympathetic to friends who've lost a dog, but now have a better understanding on how much it really does hurt.

I don't really know why I'm posting. Maybe to hear other stories of people who've lost their pets and how they've managed to get through it.

I know I'm being a bit selfish too, as I'm not really supporting my kids, youngest is 19. But Ive supported them thought the deaths of their 4 grandparents and other friends and relatives but just can't seem to help them. Maybe because they're older, comforting a sad 7 year old over the death of a grandparent seemed to be much easier than comforting them over the death of my best friend.

Thanks for reading this far.

Thank you for sharing your stories.and virtual hugs for you all too.

I've downloaded the book suggested but first page on and I'm on floods! So quick mumnset break - is there such a thing? Quick?

A PP asked if he was my first dog, he's not and despite being in my 50's he's only my third.

I remember when my childhood dog was brought home, he was sooooo tiny. My parents put him on the bottom stair and said - look what we've got you. He was so tiny I thought it was a hamster.

When my parents split up dad got the dog and mum had us. I should have have done similar with my ex!! Only joking!!

The dog lasted to about 17 but he should have been PTS at least a year or so before. Double incontinent, snappy, smelly and unhappy. But my dad wouldn't let him go. I was in my early 20's by then and found it very distressing.

Anyway got my own dog (rescue) when my first kid was old enough to respect a pet. Now she lasted until 21!! She wasn't ill not even at the end, no teeth and a dicky heart but other than that strong as an ox!

She had a fit one evening, her first one. And later that evening she literally fell asleep in my arms. A peaceful passing. I don't remember being this devastated, maybe because she was a lot older, maybe because it wasn't such a decline. My eldest was though and still has a picture of her in his living room.

About 18 months later we moved into the countryside. And knew it was time for another dog. We couldn't get a rescue as the two youngest were deemed too young. I may even have started a thread on here about it. I was so annoyed.

Anyway so I've been blessed with 3 dogs. I won't be getting another. My last kid will be leaving in a year or 2, I hope to retire and then .... the world is my oyster. Well .... except for the cats. But they are quite old now too.

Sorry that was a novel. But it's all helping me. The book I downloaded said keep a Grief Diary!

Looks like it's you!

Feel free to post about your pet if anyone wants to join me!!

Shedding a tear reading this. I lost my old boy last year and I still remember the pain- like you I've lost both parents and it was definitely comparable. He had been through us having his 'siblings', getting married (then divorced). I still have his ashes here on the shelf and can't decide where to scatter them as he was happiest alongside us. Miss him still and having to make that call was dreadful, even though it was time.

That's the first time I've ever had tears in my eyes at a post on MN, 10 years and counting.

I didn't get others' pet grief either till we got our dog 3 years ago. I worry about him going even now.

So very sorry for your loss. One day at a time

I'm so sorry about your doggy 🥺 I dread the day our dog dies I will honestly be the same. We moved house last jan (down the road in a rural village) and my dog went missing for a week, probably lost in the vast, dense forestry beside us. I was absolutely heartbroken , I couldn't go to west I spent all those day's driving around/ walking everywhere calling his name, I spent every evening bawling crying I was in so much pain I was surprised at how much I was hurting. Thankfully he returned a week later he found his way back. But I know I'd never get another dog if something happened him as I couldn't put myself through it again 🙈 they're just so lovable!

I feel your pain. Have had to do this 6 times, over my life time.it never gets any easier. The last time was a year ago next month,we can now talk about him. My sarf London DH,, still finds it difficult. I have the video of his last beach walk on my phone. He was almost 18, physically fit,apart from his teeth, but had had CCD some years. At first you just couldn't let him off the lead he went off with other people, but the last year,he was confused and frightened at night,we took turns at staying up with him, tried supplements and meds, they didn't work. We had a border collie now 8, got another one, puppy in September, after trying a huge amount of rescue homes.

It was actually 7 times! I forgot a rescue I had,who was really aggressive and neurotic (we did fight and work hard for over 2 years,we didn't PTS,that was the RSPCA)

My dog is elderly and I'm dreading this. I started crying very quietly when I read the cartoon someone posted, and over my dog comes to comfort me as she always does when I cry!

Oh OP I'm all teary reading the experiences here. I lost my darling golden retriever boy 10 years ago, but I never got to grieve as my granddad went into hospital 5 days later and passed away a month after.

He got me through 5 years of bullying, we spent many a Bonfire Night together as I hate fireworks and so did he. He was a stomach on legs and no food was safe, but my god I miss him!

They are family members, and they take a piece of your heart with them when they go.

Take the time, grieve as you want to, remember your beautiful companion. He sounds like he was amazing.

I propose a New Year's toast to all the wonderful, good boys and girls we have lost- I believe we will see them again.

Thank you for all your love, loyalty and companionship. You were the absolute best friends a person could have 😍