I didn't expect it to hurt this much

[Redtartanlass]

Took my dog to the vet today to get put to sleep.

I knew he was ready about 2 weeks ago, wanted him to have one last happy Christmas with me and the kids.

I knew I'd be upset, knew we'd all be upset but my god! The pain!!! My heart is breaking.

God forgive me but I used to think that people who overly grieved about a pet had never experienced death before, so maybe that's why they were so emotional.

But this pain, is overwhelming. I've lost my dad this year, an aunt an uncle and 2 very close friends, and I feel worse for my pooch's death than I do for theirs.

My dad had Alzheimer's, so although obviously I was distressed when he died it was a blessing for all of us. He wouldn't have wanted to live how he was.

When my mum died when I was in my 20's it felt like I was physically punched in the stomach. The pain was horrendous.

I have lost many people since then, and thought I was less affected by death.

But losing my companion of 16 years has thrown me. I worked from home most of his life and he was my Velcro dog, he was always stuck to my side.

Even if I went to the shops he'd have to come in the car with me. He slept on my bed (I know, I know a huge mumnset no no!!) he was with me constantly. I couldn't even go to the toilet without him sitting dolefully behind the door.

He saw me thought my breakup, he was there when I cried into his fur when there was no one else. He's been my plus one for the 6 years I've been single. :)

He was my shadow and I don't think I realised how much I loved him.

I feel embarrassed about feeling so upset. It's only been 5 hours. But I keep thinking I hear outside my bedroom door, almost jumping out of bed to let him in.

He died peacefully in my arms surrounded by the kids. It was so peaceful and I know it was the right thing for him.

I feel guilty for being annoyed when he tripped me up as he was always at my feet. Feel guilty for shouting at him when he raided a bin.

He was the only one left in the world who loved me unconditionally. And he's gone.

I've always been sympathetic to friends who've lost a dog, but now have a better understanding on how much it really does hurt.

I don't really know why I'm posting. Maybe to hear other stories of people who've lost their pets and how they've managed to get through it.

I know I'm being a bit selfish too, as I'm not really supporting my kids, youngest is 19. But Ive supported them thought the deaths of their 4 grandparents and other friends and relatives but just can't seem to help them. Maybe because they're older, comforting a sad 7 year old over the death of a grandparent seemed to be much easier than comforting them over the death of my best friend.

Thanks for reading this far.

You have lost a beloved member of your family. Your grief is not silly, over the top or embarrassing. When our dog passed over the rainbow 🌈 Bridge, my hubby , me and my 6 ft 2 soldier son sobbed in the vet surgery x its heartbreaking

I wish I could thank and hug each one of you individually. Thank you for the poems too.

I genuinely feel less alone.

I'm going to try and sleep now. If I can close my swollen eyes 🙄

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

So sorry OP, I know what it's like to lose a beloved pet, as many people do. It's over 9 years since my beautiful cat was put to sleep and I still cry sometimes when I think of him, thinking of you ❤️

It’s so hard, OP. They really are the best of friends. I miss my girl so much and it’s been three years, but I am able to really enjoy the happy memories of her too now. Sending a hug xx

You loved him and he loved you. I am so sorry for your loss and know how awfully hard it is to say goodbye. They are our best friends.
Hope you get a little
bit of sleep tonight and never feel like you shouldn’t feel the way you feel right now. My beautiful almost twelve year old girl is my best friend and I know I am her world. That love and bond isn’t forgotten or erased.
be kind to yourself 💐🌈💫

Oh OP. I feel for you. I used to be a vet and your reaction is entirely normal. I knew this was going to be about a much loved pet before I even opened the thread. No one expects how much it will hurt.

I am currently putting off the inevitable for my nearly 14 year old dog. She has been my son's inseparable companion and shares a birthday with another family member. She has been with me through a brutal marriage separation. I know I need to have the conversation with the kids but I can't bring myself to do it as she just about has enough quality of life.

All I can say is be gentle with yourself. Give yourself time. It will ease, but like any grieving, it takes time for the cracks to fill in, and the hole to feel smaller. The pain remains but becomes more manageable

I'm so sorry to read this. Sending you a big hug!

They are just wonderful things, our dogs. Give me a dog over a human any day.

16 years is a long time, it's only natural to feel such raw grief.

If it makes you feel better mine sleeps on my bed every night and he's nearly 11, I cherish every moment.

Be kind to yourself, let the tears & memories roll, and sending lots of love to you x

Honestly I grieved more over my cats than either parent. You have a pet with you all the time, every day.

I have also lost a parent and had to say goodbye to my beloved dog over the last few months. Both hurt equally! I try and remember that I gave him the best and most peaceful ending of a much loved life (and I wish I could have done the same for my parent). I really hope you get a good nights sleep, cry as much as you need to and then feel a teeny bit better over the next few days that you repaid their love with the same.

My baby bear was pts 5th dec unexpectedly. Went to vet with him and came home without him , he was 10 , a very large long haired German Shepard and had also seen me through tough times . He was a huge personality and his presence is so missed .

Someone sent me a poem . I'll find it .

Your dog sounds amazing! Be kind to yourself.

I'm so sorry. You loved each other very much.

Beware though, some people don't understand the impact and pain of losing a much loved pet.

I am so sorry op, it’s the worst, most awful bloody thing. We’ve done it more times than I can count (we’ve had multiple dogs for many years) and it never, ever gets any easier. But, you gave your dog the best life possible. And, when it was time, you did the right thing. It’s the last gift we can give them after a lifetime of love and loyalty. You will grieve of course, that’s totally normal because you’ve lost a family member that you spent most of your time with. It really is a measure of just how much you loved him. So, feeling awful is to be expected. It will pass, and, in time, you will still cry, but you will smile through your tears about how bloody amazing your time together was xx

So sorry. From one dog mum to another. X

"They tell you not to cry.
They tell you it's just a dog, not a person.
They tell you that the pain will pass.
They tell you that animals don't know they have to die.
They tell you that the important thing is not to make him suffer.
They tell you that you can have another .
They tell you that it will pass.
They tell you that there are more unbearable pains.

But they don't know how many times you've looked your dog in the eye.

They don't know how many times it's been you and your dog alone, staring into the dark.

They don't know how many times your dog was the only one by your side.

They don't know that the only one who has never judged you is your dog.

They don't know how scared you were the night their cries woke you up.

They don't know how many times your dog slept near you.

They don't know how much you've changed since the dog became part of your life.

They don't know how many times you hugged him when he was sick.

They don't know how many times you've pretended not to see how her hair turned whiter and whiter.

They don't know how many times you've talked to your dog, the only one who really listens.

They don't know how beautiful you were to your dog.

They don't know it was only your dog who knew you were suffering.

They don't know what feelings your dog made you try.

They don't know what it feels like to see your elderly dog straining to come say hi to you.

They don't know that when things went wrong, the only one who didn't go is your dog.

They don't know that your dog trusted you every moment of his life, even in the last one.

They don't know how much your dog has loved you and how little was enough for him to be happy, because you were enough for him.

They don't know that crying for a dog is one of the most noble, meaningful, true, clean and sincere things you can do.

They don't know about the last time you moved him with difficulty... being careful not to hurt him.

They don't know what it felt like to caress his face in the last moments of his life..."

~ Author unknown

Artwork by Laron G. S. via Midjourney

I can totally understand why you feel like that. He sounds like an amazing dog. Lots of lovely memories xx

I am so very sorry! I'm a cat person but I know, it hurts so much! x

God forgive me but I used to think that people who overly grieved about a pet had never experienced death before, so maybe that's why they were so emotional.

But this pain, is overwhelming. I've lost my dad this year, an aunt an uncle and 2 very close friends, and I feel worse for my pooch's death than I do for theirs.

Oh god, you have just made me feel less alone in this. I lost a parent and my dog within a month of each other, was philosophical with a few reminiscent tears about my dad and then wept till I physically hurt over the dog.

And I wasn't even the one to want the dog in the first place.

Hang on in there. It does gradually get better.

I could have written your post, I went through this 2 weeks before Christmas and have been torturing myself over whether I should have held on and have 1 last Christmas with our lovely boy.
you're more than welcome to message me if you need to talk x

So sorry for your loss OP. Reading this post has made me cry. They become part of your heart, and that’s why it hurts so much

Animals are wonderful and your dog was fortunate to spend a wonderful life with you 💐

Gosh I'm not even a dog person and have never owned a pet and your post has me in tears! I'm so sorry for your loss. When my husband's childhood dog had to be put to sleep, I've never seen him cry like he did that day, it was awful. He said his dog was like having someone that knows and accepts all the raw and ugly parts of you but still loves you unconditionally. There by his side in his best and worst moments.
Im sure your dog couldn't have wished for a better, more loving owner 💐

Oh, OP. I’m so sorry. I dread losing our dog.

Byron wrote a beautiful poem about his much-loved Newfoundland:

Near this Spot
are deposited the Remains of one
who possessed Beauty without Vanity,
Strength without Insolence,
Courage without Ferocity,
and all the virtues of Man without his Vices.
This praise, which would be unmeaning Flattery
if inscribed over human Ashes,
is but a just tribute to the Memory of
BOATSWAIN, a DOG,
who was born in Newfoundland May 1803
and died at Newstead Nov. 18th, 1808.

When some proud Son of Man returns to Earth,
Unknown to Glory but upheld by Birth,
The sculptor's art exhausts the pomp of woe,
And storied urns record who rests below:
When all is done, upon the Tomb is seen
Not what he was, but what he should have been.
But the poor Dog, in life the firmest friend,
The first to welcome, foremost to defend,
Whose honest heart is still his Master's own,
Who labours, fights, lives, breathes for him alone,
Unhonour'd falls, unnotic'd all his worth,
Deny'd in heaven the Soul he held on earth:
While man, vain insect! hopes to be forgiven,
And claims himself a sole exclusive heaven.
Oh man! thou feeble tenant of an hour,
Debas'd by slavery, or corrupt by power,
Who knows thee well, must quit thee with disgust,
Degraded mass of animated dust!
Thy love is lust, thy friendship all a cheat,
Thy tongue hypocrisy, thy heart deceit!
By nature vile, ennobled but by name,
Each kindred brute might bid thee blush for shame.
Ye! who behold perchance this simple urn,
Pass on, it honors none you wish to mourn.
To mark a friend's remains these stones arise;
I never knew but one—and here he lies.

I'm so, so, sorry OP. Sending lots and lots of love. Dogs truly are the best companions.

@capabilityfrowns gosh that poem has me sitting here in tears!

I'm sorry that your beautiful dog had to go over the rainbow bridge op.
The pain of the loss is indescribable, I know, I've been there.
I try to picture my pawjus ones going over the bridge and running free, full of excitement and happiness with the other darling dogs. I find this helps me a lot.
Big hugs for you.