Took my dog to the vet today to get put to sleep.
I knew he was ready about 2 weeks ago, wanted him to have one last happy Christmas with me and the kids.
I knew I'd be upset, knew we'd all be upset but my god! The pain!!! My heart is breaking.
God forgive me but I used to think that people who overly grieved about a pet had never experienced death before, so maybe that's why they were so emotional.
But this pain, is overwhelming. I've lost my dad this year, an aunt an uncle and 2 very close friends, and I feel worse for my pooch's death than I do for theirs.
My dad had Alzheimer's, so although obviously I was distressed when he died it was a blessing for all of us. He wouldn't have wanted to live how he was.
When my mum died when I was in my 20's it felt like I was physically punched in the stomach. The pain was horrendous.
I have lost many people since then, and thought I was less affected by death.
But losing my companion of 16 years has thrown me. I worked from home most of his life and he was my Velcro dog, he was always stuck to my side.
Even if I went to the shops he'd have to come in the car with me. He slept on my bed (I know, I know a huge mumnset no no!!) he was with me constantly. I couldn't even go to the toilet without him sitting dolefully behind the door.
He saw me thought my breakup, he was there when I cried into his fur when there was no one else. He's been my plus one for the 6 years I've been single. :)
He was my shadow and I don't think I realised how much I loved him.
I feel embarrassed about feeling so upset. It's only been 5 hours. But I keep thinking I hear outside my bedroom door, almost jumping out of bed to let him in.
He died peacefully in my arms surrounded by the kids. It was so peaceful and I know it was the right thing for him.
I feel guilty for being annoyed when he tripped me up as he was always at my feet. Feel guilty for shouting at him when he raided a bin.
He was the only one left in the world who loved me unconditionally. And he's gone.
I've always been sympathetic to friends who've lost a dog, but now have a better understanding on how much it really does hurt.
I don't really know why I'm posting. Maybe to hear other stories of people who've lost their pets and how they've managed to get through it.
I know I'm being a bit selfish too, as I'm not really supporting my kids, youngest is 19. But Ive supported them thought the deaths of their 4 grandparents and other friends and relatives but just can't seem to help them. Maybe because they're older, comforting a sad 7 year old over the death of a grandparent seemed to be much easier than comforting them over the death of my best friend.
Thanks for reading this far.