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Original poster

I’m being an arsehole and I don’t know how to stop

100 replies

Snowpake · 28/12/2023 01:44

I am full of rage (pmt). dh developed a fever at bedtime. He has just woken me up with his shivering and grunting. He won’t take any paracetamol as he wants the fever to run its course. So I’m sleeping on the sofa, after 3 nights of horrendous insomnia. Tomorrow I will have to take 6 preteens to laser quest on my own, no doubt on just a few hours sleep. Then we are hosting his family (again!!) on the weekend.

im bloody knackered. If it was me I would take some fucking medication and get on with it but I know I’m going to be waiting on dh hand and foot.

Also i know the cold came from fil, who snotted over everything on xmas day. I shouldn’t be so angry but I am. Just shouted at dh and now he’s in a huff because I’m so mean and I know I’m being a shit but I can’t help it

Ans he is really ill and I feel sorry for him

AAAAAAAARGH.

OP posts:
Hermittrismegistus · 28/12/2023 01:47

Cancel his family coming. Tell them you're too tired to host and need to rest.

whoisjoe · 28/12/2023 01:51

I’d also be at my wits end - don’t blame you !
cancel the hosting tomorrow- sick DH and you’re exhausted!

Peoplemakemedespair · 28/12/2023 01:51

Cancel the weekend. Maybe even fake catch dh illness and spend it in bed

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Original poster
Snowpake · 28/12/2023 01:52

Good idea, but I will still be left with bored children to entertain. On boxing day the tv fell over and broke and dh was meant to get a new one yesterday while I cleaned but he went to the gym instead and now he’s going to be out of action for days so I guess I’ll have to take the kids to fucking curry’s which is my idea of hell

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowpake · 28/12/2023 01:53

Can’t get out of laser quest as it’s my dc’s birthday party (terrible time of year to have a birthday) but genuinely can’t bear the thought of doing it on my own

OP posts:
Original poster
Snowpake · 28/12/2023 01:55

Also I hate being a mean bastard but I can’t help the mean things coming out of my mouth

OP posts:
dontgobaconmyheart · 28/12/2023 01:58

I'd stick the paracetamol and a glass of water at the bedside, apologise for raising my voice and that would be it to be honest. More fool him if he won't take it but that's his business. I'm sure he's capable of looking after himself and is hardly at deaths door so I really wouldn't be 'waiting hand and foot' tomorrow, in any capacity. I'd just leave him alone to rest and do your own thing (when the day allows). You are allowed have boundaries, that isn't unkind - nor is leaving an adult with a minor illness to their own devices. I'd want to stay away from him as much as possible anyway to avoid getting it and all he really needs is rest. Leave the teens to it as much as possible and get a quiet coffee/cake while they're busy. Dinner can easily be cancelled if DP has a fever.

Insomnia is really hard, I know (hence the 2am reply). You're not an arsehole, you're just exhausted and underestimating how hard that is.

turkeymuffin · 28/12/2023 02:00

You need damage limitation and rest.

Preteens at a laser quest party don't need that much input? Can you drive them, let them loose and sit with a book in the cafe?
McDonald's on the way home.
Then let them free on devices until pickup time.

Cancel the weekend hosting on basis of illness. Order a tv online if you know what you want. Or go to curry's & ask for staff help to take to car etc.

Don't take on any more jobs or commitments. Act like you have the illness already and perhaps with extra rest you'll only get it lightly.

turkeymuffin · 28/12/2023 02:02

Snowpake · 28/12/2023 01:53

Can’t get out of laser quest as it’s my dc’s birthday party (terrible time of year to have a birthday) but genuinely can’t bear the thought of doing it on my own

Edited

If you really don't want to be alone Can you ask one of the other kids mums to come with you? One may have their own desires to escape home and not mind a coffee & cake with you in the cafe!

I'd prefer to do it alone myself and not have to make small talk but you do you

Original poster
Snowpake · 28/12/2023 02:06

Thank you for the solidarity. Key thing will be to get through tomorrow (today??? AAARGH) somehow.

OP posts:
nettie434 · 28/12/2023 02:27

He won’t take any paracetamol as he wants the fever to run its course.

Is that even a legitimate approach to having a temperature? Surely it's just prolonging the illness? And going to the gym rather than getting a new TV is not a great judgement call either.

I'd be inclined to ask him to cancel the visit from his family. Hope the laser quest is OK.

Womencanlift · 28/12/2023 02:28

Take a friend with you to the party

Get your DP to order a TV from AO.com while you are out, hopefully get next day delivery

Cancel any hosting. After all your DH is ill and you don’t want to spread germs…

Ignore the man flu if he isn’t going to help himself by taking a sudofed

coxesorangepippin · 28/12/2023 02:29

Definitely cancel dinner with family

Drinkinggreentea · 28/12/2023 03:03

Cancel the visit with his family as he's probably contagious but stop being mean to him when he's ill. If it was the other way round and you were on here saying your DP was angry and shouting because you had a fever everyone would be saying he's abusive and to LTB...

Schneekugel · 28/12/2023 03:28

You're not being an arsehole, DH is. He's deliberately allowing himself to be more ill than he needs to be. I'd have no sympathy with that. Paracetamol to help the fever won't slow down his recovery, there's no advantage to "letting it run its course" other than being an effective way to opt out of family life. I wouldn't run round after him at all. Cancel Lazer quest if you're exhausted and can't do it. If DH gets up and comes downstairs go back to bed for a few hours sleep yourself. Cancel his parents at the weekend, he's ill and you don't want to spread it around. Also they're his parents and primarily coming to see him not you, if he's not there to host they shouldn't come. He's totally taking advantage of you, being selfish and I'm not surprised you're angry. I would be too.

GoodbyeKyle · 28/12/2023 04:03

Oh my Lord - when I read that the Tv fell over and broke on Boxing Day 😳 my heart goes out to you, OP.

You've hosted DH's family and you're hosting again?! And FIL kindly gifted a man-cold to DH who refuses paracetamol?? Honestly, I'd cancel this weekend too. Please put yourself first in this instance, it sounds like you're the one having to do all the running around.

You deserve a medal. And a bottle of Prosecco to enjoy after the laser quest party. Buy pizzas for the kids and order your fave food delivered?

Also - I'd be a dick as well tbh, especially if DH managed to go to the gym but didn't replace the Tv.

KievLoverTwo · 28/12/2023 04:12

So he wants to go to the gym and spread his germs around instead of looking after a family need. He got ill from his dad who spread his germs around. Now the germ giver wants to come back and interact with someone rife with germs. This is a family thing. Get ill and suck it up like a man.

Stop. Just STOP.

Cancel the dinner. Don't bring him anything. You'll be amazed at how quickly he recovers or pulls out the meds when he has to look after himself.

LizHoney · 28/12/2023 04:43

Drinkinggreentea · 28/12/2023 03:03

Cancel the visit with his family as he's probably contagious but stop being mean to him when he's ill. If it was the other way round and you were on here saying your DP was angry and shouting because you had a fever everyone would be saying he's abusive and to LTB...

Be real. We all know that if it was the other way round and OP was I'll, she'd still be doing laser quest, cooking for his family and buying the telly. Letting the virus take its course like he's some holistic therapist is a luxury few mothers have. He is choosing to feel too crap to help at a really busy time for their household, zero sympathy for such selfishness.

flowerchild2000 · 28/12/2023 04:47

So take some medicine for your insomnia.

Newchapterbeckons · 28/12/2023 05:14

I would be telling dh to sort the tv whilst you are at laser quest, he should have prioritised that in the first place.

Cancel the family visit. Dh can take the dc out, you can rest and relax this weekend. You need to stop being a martyr op. He isn’t dying, he has a cold no need for room service!!

miniatureroses · 28/12/2023 05:28

I would definitely cancel his family on the basis of sickness.

determinedtomakethiswork · 28/12/2023 06:17

So hang on, he went to the gym when he wasn't well?

I would tell him if he didn't take the paracetamol then he would be sleeping on the sofa. He has to help himself. Also ask him when he got his medical degree.

Pinkyhere · 28/12/2023 06:26

Agree with all the advice from pps
Cancel the family
Take a friend to laser thing -and possibly a huge bar of chocolate for yourself or whatever will ease the pain.

You are not being the arse.

GreatGateauxsby · 28/12/2023 06:30

Womencanlift · 28/12/2023 02:28

Take a friend with you to the party

Get your DP to order a TV from AO.com while you are out, hopefully get next day delivery

Cancel any hosting. After all your DH is ill and you don’t want to spread germs…

Ignore the man flu if he isn’t going to help himself by taking a sudofed

This.

Refusing medication makes him the arsehole though.

LittleGreenDragons · 28/12/2023 06:35

Take the kids to lazer quest. Then you sit in a cafe drinking coffee and eating cake until its time to leave.

Leave paracetamol and water next to his bed. Send dinner/breakfast for the next couple of days but he stays in that room until better. It is obviously easy to pass on and you have to think of yours, and the kids, health...because he and his father won't.

Then we are hosting his family (again!!) on the weekend.
Hell no. Cancel it and say that FIL has made the rest of you sick. If DH wants to host while you stay in your bed resting then he can but you won't be doing it. Stand your ground here.