I’m being an arsehole and I don’t know how to stop

[Snowpake]

I am full of rage (pmt). dh developed a fever at bedtime. He has just woken me up with his shivering and grunting. He won’t take any paracetamol as he wants the fever to run its course. So I’m sleeping on the sofa, after 3 nights of horrendous insomnia. Tomorrow I will have to take 6 preteens to laser quest on my own, no doubt on just a few hours sleep. Then we are hosting his family (again!!) on the weekend.

im bloody knackered. If it was me I would take some fucking medication and get on with it but I know I’m going to be waiting on dh hand and foot.

Also i know the cold came from fil, who snotted over everything on xmas day. I shouldn’t be so angry but I am. Just shouted at dh and now he’s in a huff because I’m so mean and I know I’m being a shit but I can’t help it

Ans he is really ill and I feel sorry for him

AAAAAAAARGH.

You definitely can get fevers with colds! Colds are types of coronavirus, fevers are absolutely potential symptoms.

Cancel the weekend.
Take yourself to bed.

Get through today then tomorrow theatrically take to your bed to rest and leave it all up to him.

Ugh I've got no sympathy for people who refuse to take painkillers. If people want to be in pain or feel ill, they've got no right to complain about it!

Does he ever let you have a day in bed op? You have got the same cold and no sleep yet you don't get this.

@LittleGreenDragons This is good advice!

Oh OP, sleep deprivation is awful, it really affects my mood badly, so I completely sympathise!

Agree with PPs, enlist help if you can and cancel the snotty in-laws! Hope DC has a good birthday and you get some sleep.

You allow him the day in bed and you doing the party when he is feeling lots better but you are feeling worse with no sleep for 3 days and now with a cold?

this is the wrong way round. !

your kid will still have a great day with their friends without you there . Their birthday still happens with dad in charge.

You’re making yourself the centre of everything and it’s too much stress.

Or at least DH comes too for support because you are unwell -

and you should t be driving on the roads with that little sleep. Dangerous.

Taking paracetamol will reduce your temperature, it won't cure you

Virus cells die at temperatures above 38 which is why our bodies have developed a fever response. We get infected with a virus, our body temperature rises to above the point at which viruses survive, the virus dies, we get better

Taking paracetamol obviously makes us feel better but it interferes with the immune response and it takes longer to get better

Some people would rather feel really ill for a few days and then be fine, than feel fairly ill for a longer time

Taking paracetamol obviously makes us feel better but it interferes with the immune response and it takes longer to get better

Thanks @tenbob & @Icelandic9 for explanations. That makes sense now. I suppose the other decider should be which approach has more impact on the OP and the rest of the family.

If he's feeling better he can take some painkillers, down a redbull and bloody get on with it, you know like you are.

It's his childs birthday, he doesn't get to opt out.

Glad you have cancelled weekend plans.

Most people don't get a fever over 38 degrees in the first place. It's been my job to deal with this in the past and it wasn't that common to have one that high. But I take your point that people might prefer to choose their natural immune response.

However, there are people out there who get headaches, for example, and then refuse to take anything for it. It winds me up when they moan about it to me. If they want a headache so badly, they should shut up and enjoy it!

As I said, I'm not very sympathetic on this! 😁

This is the thing that stands out to me. 🫤. Are you just mean to your husband?

I don’t understand men sometimes. Mine will drink his body weight in alcohol but often refuses paracetamol if he’s feeling unwell as though it’s poison.

A fever will still run its course with the help of paracetamol, he’ll just feel far less shit with it 🙄

And youll be expected to carry on normal duties fo course…

I’m sorry @Snowpake

I have zero sympathy for anyone who claims to be sick but won't do what's necessary to feel better, especially when there are childcare and other responsibilities.

I'd tell dh that I will do laser quest but he needs to take meds, sort the tv out and let his family know there will be no hosting this weekend.

I’d say the OP is deeply angry at the double standards. At the fact she is taken for granted by everyone too.

Her DH can decide to not take paracetamol because he can afford to have several days in bed ‘letting the illness run its course’.
Whereas she is expecting to hold fort, do everything despite the lack of sleep, host the PIL etc… All this knowing that her DH would not return the favour. (Which also means she’d have to take said paracetamol….)

And tbh, I get why she is angry.

But at the very least, he should have tested. For several days as unfortunately tests don’t always come up positive straight away anymore.

A whole different discussion to what the OP is struggling with though.

Glad you've cancelled the weekend plans as it must have been very stressful with that coming up .

You'll get through the laser quest outing which will hopefully tire out your DC a bit .

Hope you get better sleep tonight and the TV arrives soon . Also fingers crossed you don't get your DH's cold/virus.

FWIW I don't think you are going mean. I think your husband is being a selfish twat. He should have bought the tv and not gone to the gym. He ought to take the medicine. And if he's going to refuse it, then he should be the one sleeping on the sofa! When a person has kids and responsibility, they don't have the luxury of self indulgence (refusing medicine and lounging around being waited on for days).

Glad you've cancelled the guests.

Guess tomorrow you take to bed with the cold he gave you and tell him it's your turn to rest and sleep for the day

Where do you live where sleep meds aren't available? Any pharmacy or doctor would have several options. I don't see how this is any different than your DH not taking meds.

You really aren't an arsehole!

In my own country, you wouldn’t get anything worth taking unless going to see a GP for a prescription. And then they’d be reluctant to give you anything, let alone for more than a few days.

Dint assume you can get similar medications everywhere in the world.

(even though I assume the OP is in the U.K. but I might be wrong there ….)