When did you realise your boss doesn’t give a frick about you?

[Ntail]

I’ve only recently come to realise that my boss really doesn’t give one fuck about me or my wellbeing/progress. I’m a PA.

She constantly takes credit for my work and gives vague criticisms when she is in a bad mood.

I used to ask her about her weekend or holiday plans and she would tell me all about them but never ask a single question back.

Usually manager’s get their PAs a small christmas gift or something. It’s the done thing at my company. I decided to buy her a bottle of wine and a card and she said “thanks, are you hoping for a good appraisal at salary review?”

Managers*

and she didn’t get me anything!

She doesn't sound very nice at all

I realised when my boss (of huge international company doing very very well) told us all he wouldn't be giving us a COL payment as he felt the COL crisis was temporary and therefore not worth it.

I used to work for a man who liked to give the impression of being a real team player and good about work/life balance, family etc (often had soundbites of his quoted in whole company newsletters, made a thing about putting family first etc). I realised this was all bullshit and he didn't give a shit about any of his staff when, within a few weeks of starting to work for him 1) He repremanded me for telling a junior member of staff that he could leave a bit early for a week or so to visit his disabled, pregnant, wife in hospital. Apparently if we made this allowance now he would expect even more when he had a baby at home. and 2) He informed male members of the team that they should have a 'starter wife' in their 20s/early 30s who should happy to stay at home and have children and then 'trade up' in their 30s/40s to someone in the same or a connected profession so they could work/network etc together as they became more senior at work (leaving their ex-wives to do the childcare). This was, apparently, how to achieve the perfect work/life balance.

You need a new boss

From the day I started/interview stage at both of my last 2 jobs.

In part due to their personality type but also it was fairly clearly they didn't like me at all.

I think in both cases I was only hired as I have a Liam neason style particular set of skills. And they couldn't find anyone else...
I then did lots of things that made their department / org look wonderful and shiny and they were "nice" in so far as I was useful to them.
It was pretty much understood both would throw me under the bus without a second thought should anything go wrong/my usefulness stop though.

Yes when my boss took £500,000 out of the company himself but then told me there wasn't any money for a bonus this year. Says it all really.

When they sacked me for taking a couple of days off for the first time in over two years after both my elderly grandparents died that I used to look after a few weeks apart.

These people sound like sociopaths!

From the very beginning of my working life.

The day I finally realised she was a bitch was the day I walked out.

I'd had a minor op the day before (not on a work day) and was in a lot of pain from the stitches, and I was on my own in the shop, so I locked the door, put a sign up saying 'back in 5 minutes' on the door and went off to Boots to buy some strong painkillers.

When I got back she'd turned up unexpectedly, and was annoyed with me that I'd closed the shop. I said if I'd known she was coming I wouldn't have gone, (meaning I would have waited till she arrived and then gone to the chemist), and she said "Ha!! Caught you!" - clearly believing that I meant I wouldn't have done it because I'd been caught sneaking off. She then gave me a major dressing down.

I told her where she could stick her effing job and walked out then and there.

When, during our enforced coffee break, he made a cafetière of coffee for himself and made me an instant one.

I've never expected an employer to be remotely concerned about my welfare and to care as much for me as I do for them. I find it a very strange concept. I'm there because they pay me, the end.

I've had some bosses who seemed genuinely to care and some who didn't even make a pretence of it. Some clearly got where they were via ruthless ambition. On the whole, if they don't care I'd rather they didn't make a pretence of it - if we all know where we stand, it's fair enough.

When I came back to work following a mental breakdown and suicide attempt and being told it wasn't fair on my colleagues to leave work early once a week to attend counselling appointment. Bear in mind, that I put holiday each time for the hour I took early so it is not like I was taking the piss.

I approached my boss and asked for leave as my Dad had been given a terminally ill diagnosis and wasn't expected to last more than 4 weeks.

She refused and told me l should be working.

When I returned to work after my mum died in traumatic circumstances and my boss shouted at me in front of all my colleagues about a trivial mistake I had made on a piece of work I completed when my mum was dying.

When I cried in response and my line manager told me I was too sensitive and I needed to learn to leave my personal life at home. Oh and that I didn't deserve the (below market rate) pay rise I had received just before my mum died because my performance had since dipped (I wonder why). I was devastated because my mum had been so proud of me for achieving the pay rise and I felt like she would have been ashamed of me for letting her down.

When that behaviour continued for the first 5/6 months after my mum died while I was struggling with grief and guardian/caring responsibilities for a school-age sibling. Nothing I did was good enough and I was regularly shouted at and called names for tiny trivial mistakes. (I have decades of experience since then and everyone I work with now would consider them trivial mistakes that were not worth getting upset about.)

Oh and when that same line manager threw a strop in front of all my colleagues because I declined to work overtime in the last fortnight of my mum's life. And yes that woman did know my mum was actively dying.

Neither of them offered condolences let alone any other support. They made my life hell in the aftermath of something that was already horrific.

I was 20, a year into my first proper job, had been caring for my mum, was suddenly responsible for my school age sibling, was completely traumatised by what happened to my mum, and felt like I deserved the way my boss and manager were treating me. I didn't yet have enough work or life experience to realise how wrong it was - I do now and I look back with horror. I spent years blaming myself and feeling I wasn't good enough. I still panic when I make tiny mistakes at work.

I now manage young staff of the same age who are in their first proper jobs - if any of them ever experienced anything in their personal lives like what happened to me, we would bend over backwards to support them. Genuinely support them.

I can't even begin to understand what possessed those people or how they justified their behaviour to themselves.

Don’t bother getting her anything in future @Ntail, she clearly doesn’t like/care about you (she doesn’t sound like a kind person so maybe she doesn’t care about anyone). Just turn up for work, do your job to earn your money and don’t go out of your way for her. Also don’t bother asking her about her weekend/holidays etc. She doesn’t ask you any questions in return because she clearly isn’t interested.

I once worked as a PA for a man who told me he had fought and fought for me to get a 10% rise when it was salary review time and he had to ask his own manager for salary increases for himself and his PA.

I only got a 2% rise but he kept going on and on that he'd tried really hard to get me more money.

He hadn't. I accidently saw the memo (in those days). He'd asked for 2%.

oh come on. It's basic decency to show a bit of compassion to a loyal and hard working colleague whose loved one is dying.

Today well actually yesterday after a meeting. They just don't care and have no bloody clue. I'm really angry/frustrated as I really respected them up until now

When I asked for reasonable adjustments to be made (to wfh for two out of five days) to help with my ADHD symptoms backed up with the same recommendation by occupational health who strongly advised it but was denied because my role 'requires me to be visible'.

Her role is the same but slightly more senior and I've seen her once in four weeks and people with the same role wfh regularly. She was meant to be having weekly one to ones with me and I've had one (in the only time I've seen her in the last month).

It's only because she wants me to be there to pick up all the shit she can't be bothered with.

I handed my notice in on Weds and start a new job in 8 weeks under a manager I've had before who is amazing and very flexible

When, after almost 10 years of working at the company, I went on maternity leave to have my first DC but they didn't bother to send me a card or even a congratulations txt/email until 4 months after baby was born. It's a small company.

When I was sexually assaulted at work

I was bent over a bin,changing the bag and a male customer came up behind me and shoved his hard-on into my arse

I ran downstairs,very upset and he told me to 'phone the police when you get home' and made it clear I was to get back to work and stop making a fuss

The same boss got a bollocking when I kicked up a bigger fuss and went over his head to his bosses who where disgusted at him

Funny that when it happened again,he couldn't have got to the phone any faster

Same boss was 'let go' for harassing young female staff

The new female boss walked away when I said I'd taken a racial insult from a man

Me-boss,I've just been called a 'white wog' by a man upstairs and I'm not going back up until he's gone-in fact,I want the police called-im not taking it

Her-grunts and walked off

I have a new job more or less lined up in the new year and it will leave them fucked-we are short staffed to say the least

I worked in an awful school for a really vile headteacher - the type where there was huge staff turnover after he began, bullying was rife. I had a week off with stress and was referred to occupational health. To make the appointment I needed to leave around 2:45, at the same time the children left. There was no cover needed or any inconvenience for them, but I needed to miss 15 minutes of directed time.

He called me to a formal meeting to discuss my request, deliberated and eventually grudgingly agreed that I could go, but that I mustn’t tell anyone else or everyone would think they could leave early for appointments. Fucking batshit!

I now teach in a different school and have an ace headteacher who was fabulous at giving me afternoons off and letting me miss meetings when I was juggling my Mim being in hospital. Recently gave me an hour of cover so I could see my son’s nativity too. School catchment is more challenging and it can be really tough but I’m not even looking for other jobs because I never want to work for a head like that man again!!