When did you realise your boss doesn’t give a frick about you?

[Ntail]

I’ve only recently come to realise that my boss really doesn’t give one fuck about me or my wellbeing/progress. I’m a PA.

She constantly takes credit for my work and gives vague criticisms when she is in a bad mood.

I used to ask her about her weekend or holiday plans and she would tell me all about them but never ask a single question back.

Usually manager’s get their PAs a small christmas gift or something. It’s the done thing at my company. I decided to buy her a bottle of wine and a card and she said “thanks, are you hoping for a good appraisal at salary review?”

This. In fact my current line manager is a thoroughly decent person who has gone above and beyond in her dealings with me, but it’s not something I tend to expect as a rule.

I learned this of my new boss about a week into her post. I’d just started a masters (funded by work, agreed 10 months earlier with previous boss, interview with uni etc). She tried to get me pulled from it, said there was no benefit to the wider team and I was being selfish. (Previous boss signed it off as a thank you for my years of dedication and I’d worked there longer than anyone else in the team). When she couldn’t pull me off it she told me to my face the timing was wrong for the team, the course was above my ability, I was being selfish and needed to really have a think and make a responsible decision…. So I decided there would never be a “good” time for the team but it was a good time for me and I was happy to be selfish for something I’d fully earned. I’ve completed the first year with multiple distinctions and now have 10 months left to go. Oh and gone are the days of me working all hours - I start at 9am and finish at 5pm with a lovely lunch break in the middle.

Is the right answer.

We tried the "let's all work as friends" model - Cadburys, Rowntrees, Terrys here, Krupps in Germany. Problem was it didn't make enough money.

If people want their workplace to be cute with the feelz, they are more than welcome to try and shape the world in which it works.

But until then, you managed, boss, - the person who pays you - is not your friend, mate, bestie or anything else. Even if you marry them ...

I'd had a few set backs in my career progression - 7 line manners in the previous 12 months for example (each promised to put me on the program that I needed to move up to the next step but all moved on before they actually got around to it). But I could overlook this. The final straw was actually something minor.
My boss asked me and my team to come in on a day off to undertake a task that could have been completed by anyone in the (extremely large) organisation (ie not one that requires special skills/knowledge/qualifications).
I said I couldn't as I was at a friend's wedding. She asked me, with a completely straight face "do you need to go to your friend's wedding?"
Her level was the next level I was aiming for in promotion. But in that moment I thought "could I ever see myself asking someone to miss such an event for such a flimsy reason?" Quickly realising the answer was no I decided I was no longer interested in progressing.
My new line manager is much nicer. But I've canned my ambitions. I come in, work my hours, take a lunch break and leave on time. My days of going above and beyond are over.

Working for someone is just a transaction that you are paid for
they generally care as much about you as you care about them

your getting paid for a job why do you need gifts appreciation and thank you
your doing what your paid for it not like your doing them a favour that they have to be grateful for

I had a boss who was a real cold fish, very clinical and practical, never asked about weekends, family etc and never acknowledged Christmas with a gift. But when my mum was diagnosed with something awful, he was absolutely immense.

I would rather that than a warm and fuzzy type who “talks the talk” but isn’t any good in a meaningful way when there is a crisis. Although there is probably a happy medium to be had!

Blimey! Olympic level arseholery! I hope you loudly pointed out to the teenagers how unkind she was and to try not to follow their mother's awful example.

Here’s the drip…..she was the HR Manager!

I don't recognise this at all tbh. Generally however, I noticed a few years ago that other people like me if I am cheerful, easy going, capable, ask for nothing, devoid of human emotions yet interested in others and never complain. I've been doing this for about four years now. I feel like the human girl replaced by the robot and her parents preferred the robot. There are benefits to it though which is why I continue.

This makes me realise how good my boss is
My horse died suddenly and I had two days off. Went back to work and he had removed her photos from my desk in case it upset me, and at lunch time appeared with a Starbucks and a cake which he silently put on my desk

When my car was in for repair and couldn't be fixed instantly, he found me a car to borrow for as long as I needed

He's even donated his Christmas meal allowance and half his annual leave to a colleague who's daughter is seriously unwell

Oh and when someone couldn't get childcare, he told them it was fine, let the child in the office and set up his own PlayStation for them and snacks and let them paint his nails and do makeup

Her level was the next level I was aiming for in promotion. But in that moment I thought "could I ever see myself asking someone to miss such an event for such a flimsy reason?" Quickly realising the answer was no I decided I was no longer interested in progressing.
My new line manager is much nicer. But I've canned my ambitions. I come in, work my hours, take a lunch break and leave on time. My days of going above and beyond are over

Same here, I noped out of trying for management when I looked at some of the people I'd worked for - I didn't want to wake up one day and find I'd turned into that sort of person. Like the CFO who, rather than tell HIS very senior boss that he hadn't forwarded an email to me with a very important invoice to be paid (something of a pattern with him) and take the blame for it, publicly blamed me for ignoring it and not paying it.

Here’s the drip…..she was the HR Manager!

One of the worst bullies I've ever worked for was a head of HR.

I'm 33 and living ina houseshare with one very hairy fckr who leaves hair literally everywhere including tap and toilet seat and door
My wage is close to nmw after 5 years, lots outside my role and pay grade and it makes 500k annually profit
Im working 40hrs pt to save a deposit and he asked why I need so much money. Even with both wages I make half or less of his and we are the same age
Similar comment from another less senior manager that i made enough money and needed to give up all other jobs
Tbh I really get on with him
One day we were having a water cooler chat by his door after hours and he was very excited about a new revenue stream opportunity.
I knew I would be the one to implement and create processes and do all the work while my line manager lays back and relaxed so I made plans to leave. Between him and the line manager my wage was incredibly low for my entry level job. It was low 5 years ago , now felt lower. Worse was I was doing 3x what I was contracted to, preventing disasters for other depts and managing people all for close to nmw
Another icing was my line manager questioning how I built up flexi. I don't just do 3x my contract I literally do her job while she "wfh"

He treated me incredibly well tbh with lots of freedom but CASH IS KING

Looking at two of my own children, I've been quite shocked at the level of credit stealing by managers, taking credit for their team's work, never giving credit to individuals etc. I think some companies would collapse if they relied on so called experienced middle managers.

From the first moment of employment. I'm there to be paid to work not to have my emotional needs catered for. Unless your employer is your parent, expect the same.

I no longer expect my line managers to care. I do expect them to be competent and to not bully or throw me under a bus.

The last manager I had several years ago I genuinely thought he cared. I worked like a dog, protected him, was loyal. But then in a heartbeat he proved he was disloyal and self serving.

I would also rather my line manager not to be a hypocrite. If you don't care that's fine but don't say you do when you clearly don't.

What a feckin star of a man. I want to work for him too.

I've been a people manager for many many years. I genuinely care about every single one of my team. I know their partner's names, kids names, pets names, what they like doing, what they've done for work before, what their career and life aspirations are and help them get there (even if it's outside the company we work for). My team can always be 100% honest with me as I am with them and I'll always have their back.

Now I know we're all different but I really struggle with my manager if they don't care about me as a person. Nurture me and I'll go to the ends of the earth for you. Treat me like a number and I'll do the minimum.

The majority of my managers have been lovely ( I’m nhs)…,only one that was a nightmare…..I took out a grievance ( as did several others) ….,he was eventually investigated for incompetence

We had a team meeting because we were going to merge with another unit. Our boss virtually said ‘I’m going to be alright because I’ve negotiated a new role for myself but I don’t know what will happen to any of you!’

@newnamethanks

Your a shitty 💩or nightmare boss's dream employee going by your post,

Your employer has a duty of care about your welfare this is a basic legal requirement

Amagine going back to the times in history there was no concept of health and safety welfare regards whatsoever,

look up on Google Internet youtube and watch tv programmes about the reality of what it was like,
you be thankful 🙏 that you live in more enlightened times era,
in regards of employees welfare and safety topic...

Thank you for your concern for my welfare but, oddly, I get by. If more people had had the sense to insist on keeping their - hard fought for by previous generations- Trade Union rights, current employees might not be looking to employers for emotional support. Your post is ill informed and patronising. Do some googling yourself and find out how zero hours contracts, loss of employee rights and other bad practices have multiplied in the last 14 years together with the worst economic circumstances a country has ever willingly inflicted upon itself.

I worked out early in my career that the majority of employers/managers just don't care about the staff and basically see you as an inconvenience to be exploited as much as possible that they will happily get rid off without a second thought if needed.

The worse thing is that I have mostly worked in the charity sector where bosses and HR make a big song and dance about employee welfare while in reality being as bad as any private company if not worse.

The latest example is my employer's attitude when (trigger warning) I had a complete breakdown and made plans to end my life.

I was off work for almost two months as a result as I could not even do the most basic task like concentrating more than a few minutes, write anything coherent and I struggled to eat and sleep so was exhausted all the time.

On my first day back they started pressuring me to ignore the GP's recommendations for reasonable adjustments and wanted me to attend various late evening events that would involve a lot of travelling on my first week. I refused.

Really the last thing I needed was for them to add to my levels of stress.

I am looking for another job and can't wait to hand my notice.

Happens all the time when you only have one member of staff. I've seen lots of small shops with a sign at lunchtime.

Don't blame the employee, blame the employer for being so tight-fisted and not employing sufficient staff.

Also, did you actually read that the pp had had an operation? There wasn't a dripfeed at all, she said it in the first post.

Not me but a neighbour of my mum. He was/is a bus driver and was attacked late one night by a bunch of low lifes. The bus company gave him one day off as a goodwill gesture! He spent a night in hospital. No wonder people don't want to drive buses.