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Original poster

Which enclosure would you pick....

73 replies

ApocalypseNowt · 22/12/2023 10:03

Stolen off a podcast but thought it's a fun question to ponder!

You are at Chester zoo.

You have to pick one animal enclosure to stand in. The animals in that enclosure will not attack you.

BUT all the animals from the other enclosures are going to try and kill you. The animals in your chosen enclosure will actively try and defend you.

Where are you standing...?

Granted pretty much every scenario will result in your death but which do you think would give you the best shot at survival (or where would you survive the longest)?

I think I'd go for the elephants. I can hide behind them and they're big enough to take on predators and have nice big Stampy feet to deal with any murderous capybaras for example! Grin

OP posts:
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IrresponsiblyCertainAboutSexualDimorphism · 22/12/2023 12:05

The cassowaries are virtually velociraptors, so that’s another option.

I like this game OP.

IrresponsiblyCertainAboutSexualDimorphism · 22/12/2023 12:08

sockarefootwear · 22/12/2023 10:23

Hmm. I'm torn. How long will we be standing in the chosen enclosure?

If it's only for a day or so I'll go in with the lions. I'm sure they could see off most predators or at least keep them at bay for longer than most other animals. However, their enclosure is outdoors so I could die of exposure in the winter and (particularly as a vegetarian) their food would not be easy to digest for me so if it's a longer term thing I'd just starve to death. So if it's a longer term thing I'll go in with the great apes. The large ones could do a decent job at protecting me, I could eat their food and they have a nice indoor section to keep me out of the elements if need be.

The lions have a lovely new home with an indoor section now, so you might want to reconsider.

IrresponsiblyCertainAboutSexualDimorphism · 22/12/2023 12:08

ApocalypseNowt · 22/12/2023 11:46

They'll mostly be taking turns at attacking you, one enclosure at a time.

The sloth attack will take days…

LadyLindaT · 22/12/2023 12:10

Has to be a Honey Badger. They aren't afraid of anything!

Sintel · 22/12/2023 12:15

Polar bears for sure.

DreamingInPhosphorescence · 22/12/2023 12:22

Orangs. I’ll sit in one of the rope swing things at height and let the orangs deal with anything at ground level or that tries to climb up.

Original poster
ApocalypseNowt · 22/12/2023 12:22

IrresponsiblyCertainAboutSexualDimorphism · 22/12/2023 12:05

The cassowaries are virtually velociraptors, so that’s another option.

I like this game OP.

Just looked up Cassowaries....they can hear heartbeats!?!! Wtf! Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
ApocalypseNowt · 22/12/2023 12:23

DreamingInPhosphorescence · 22/12/2023 12:22

Orangs. I’ll sit in one of the rope swing things at height and let the orangs deal with anything at ground level or that tries to climb up.

Edited

Good call but you'd be vulnerable during the bat attack.

OP posts:
ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 22/12/2023 12:25
National Panda Day GIF

Giant Pandas - they've vicious bastards but nice and snuggly!

DreamingInPhosphorescence · 22/12/2023 12:26

Can the bats be distracted by fruit? Should be plenty in the enclosure.

GloomySkies · 22/12/2023 12:28

Do I have prep time and is there an underwater enclosure? Scuba suit beats claws and teeth surely.

Failing that, rhinos if there are any. Saw a mum and baby rhino causing all the other animals to scatter in advance of them at Colchester Zoo.

JenJenJenJenJenJen · 22/12/2023 12:28

I’d go for the sealions, simply because I love sealions. They’d be rubbish in terms of defense, but I like swimming and fish so would have plenty to keep me occupied while I wait for imminent death.

Original poster
ApocalypseNowt · 22/12/2023 12:30

DreamingInPhosphorescence · 22/12/2023 12:26

Can the bats be distracted by fruit? Should be plenty in the enclosure.

You could throw it at them if you're a decent shot? Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
ApocalypseNowt · 22/12/2023 12:31

GloomySkies · 22/12/2023 12:28

Do I have prep time and is there an underwater enclosure? Scuba suit beats claws and teeth surely.

Failing that, rhinos if there are any. Saw a mum and baby rhino causing all the other animals to scatter in advance of them at Colchester Zoo.

No scuba suits allowed. You can have a snorkel and a dingy.

Also, no body armour allowed in the land enclosures.

OP posts:
EtonMessy · 22/12/2023 12:35

If they have wolves then you’ll find me hanging out with the wolves ! Bloody love wolves but they have an unwarranted terrifying reputation ,thanks Little Red Riding Hood 🙄 All the other animals will be scared of them , so yes I’ll be in with the wolves !! 🐺

DaftFlerken · 22/12/2023 12:42

how would Orangs do in a gorilla or chimp attack though?

Nochoiceleft · 22/12/2023 12:50

I’ll be hanging out with @WellOwlBeDamned

I adore big cats.

LenaLamont · 22/12/2023 12:57

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 22/12/2023 12:25

Giant Pandas - they've vicious bastards but nice and snuggly!

Chester Zoo doesn’t have pandas, so you’ll be a goner

LenaLamont · 22/12/2023 12:59

I’d embrace my imminent death to hang out with my beloved giraffes. I’ve been visiting them since I was a child, and I love every last one of them.

My children now park me at the giraffes and pick me up later.

Totally worth it.

BigBoysDontCry · 22/12/2023 12:59

Are we all there at the same time? I'm thinking I might not be able to outrun a tiger but I could probably outrun some of you lot.

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 22/12/2023 13:02

LenaLamont · 22/12/2023 12:57

Chester Zoo doesn’t have pandas, so you’ll be a goner

Show quote history

Oh no! I should have checked their animal list 😁

ANightmareBeforeChristmas · 22/12/2023 13:25

LenaLamont · 22/12/2023 13:14

@ANightmareBeforeChristmas - I’m nothing if not helpful…

https://www.chesterzoo.org/our-zoo/animals/

Thank you! I will change from the non-existent panda to the cheetah, I think. Its speed will give it an advantage over the other big cats when it is defending me.

https://www.chesterzoo.org/our-zoo/animals/cheetahs/

Cheetah | Meet Our Animals | Plan Your Visit | Chester Zoo

Keep up-to-date with the latest news and information about Cheetah, and discover facts about this wonderful species at Chester Zoo.

https://www.chesterzoo.org/our-zoo/animals/cheetahs

LenaLamont · 22/12/2023 13:43

BigBoysDontCry · 22/12/2023 11:20

I think you'd be most likely to be killed by a polar bear so I'd choose those to simply eliminate the worst predator and they'd also be good defensively. Also big and fluffy while you are waiting to die.

No polar bears at Chester Zoo, you’d best relocate to Yorkshire Wildlife Park in Doncaster for them.

There is a marvellous sign by the staff entrance to their enclosure saying “Do you know where the bears are?”

https://www.yorkshirewildlifepark.com/?_gl=11e7jgv0_upMQ.._gaMzUyNDEyMzQ2LjE3MDMyNTI0NjA._ga_WT6NC0VT57*MTcwMzI1MjQ1OS4xLjAuMTcwMzI1MjQ1OS4wLjAuMA..

Yorkshire Wildlife Park | Animals | Days out in Yorkshire

Visit Yorkshire Wildlife Park; the UK's No.1 walk-through wildlife adventure!

https://www.yorkshirewildlifepark.com/?_gl=1*1e7jgv0*_up*MQ..*_ga*MzUyNDEyMzQ2LjE3MDMyNTI0NjA.*_ga_WT6NC0VT57*MTcwMzI1MjQ1OS4xLjAuMTcwMzI1MjQ1OS4wLjAuMA..

BigBoysDontCry · 22/12/2023 13:49

Can I relocate to Blair Drummond or Edinburgh? Be far more convenient for my family to collect the body.

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