Tips on parenting and living with two “big” jobs

[Chicci1]

Would love advice from anyone in a similar position. Myself and dh work full time in “big” jobs and have two dc in primary school. Dh has just accepted a promotion which is going to mean longer hours and more stress but is a big step forward in his career. At the moment we’re managing using wrap around care and a cleaner once a week but life is hectic. I find the extra curricular stuff particularly hard to manage. We’re both full time with no chance of reducing days and can usually each work from home one day a week. The other days we take turns to drop and collect. I’m not sure what sort of magic wand I’m looking for but any tips would be welcome!

What time do you get home?
How old are your DC and what extra-curriculars do they do?

What is a ‘big’ job?

A mother's help for a few hours on the evenings with extra curriculars. Basically a totally amazing teenager who does reading, playing and supervising food whilst the other gets picked up/ dropped off elsewhere. A shared calender and a each with clear responsibility for different clubs ie one does beavers, rugby and dance, the other piano, Spanish and computer coding, cleaner and gardener, online shopping and gousto.

This is v helpful thanks

Is a nanny the magic wand you’re looking for?

We found it much less stress for after school care when we both worked ft

Can you afford a nanny?

You need a nanny or au pair who will also do homework, housework, laundry, make dinner for the kids, after school activities etc

Flex your hours if you can to give yourself more time when you need it most. I go in quite early but it means I'm home for the most chaotic part of the day, the early evening.

I think you might get a bit of stick about what a big job is, as lots manage long shifts etc. I am thinking you mean city firm with ££££ and therefore lots of expectation and maybe travel.
I personally checked out of the 2 'big' jobs as I couldn't cope so no personal advice except kudos to you!
But my friends who do it, have lots of childcare, nanny even when kids at full time school, housekeepers or cleaners that come several times a week, parental help, gardeners, super organised diaries, etc. Their jobs are also quite flexible or they have made them flexible. Usually though if someone has a £££ job the spouse has a part time one.

I'd say at least one nanny and/or grandparents is usually the reason a couple who both work ft with more than one child can cope.

Do the sums (if you are numerate enough to cope with the unbelievable fact that nanny wages are quoted net, so you have to try and add on expenses, tax and NI to see if you can afford it. Clue; it's always a bit more than your worst calculations).

Im imagining these days with spiralling house costs that it's getting increasingly impossible to afford it. But it would make your life significantly more straightforward, and you'd spend more time together at home due to being unable to afford to go out.

2 big jobs and a promotion I would assume a nanny.

It might take the shine off your DH’s pay rise but I would view it as a necessary, short ish term expense that allows you to do your chosen careers.

I think 2 at primary is tough, but also the best time with DC -out of toddler stage ant not a moody teenager! I'd put work on the back burner and either look at compressed hours or drop a day.

When do you leave/ get home?
You say you have a cleaner, maybe outsourcing the washing & ironing as well? Batch cooking and just being really organised does help as well, like getting lunches made in the evening.

I’d definitely go for a nanny or mother’s help, who can assist with after school clubs and homework, get them organised for the next day etc. Someone who could also help in school holidays to provide care around clubs which don’t run for particularly long hours.
Shared online calendar for arrangements, online shopping etc.

Meal box subscriptions are a life saver for us like Gousto, Hello Fresh etc also extracurricular stuff we now do most of it on sat other than one which is on a friday when we finish slightly earlier and music lessons which are next to wrap around. I work fairly flexibly so can start early from home, do school run and then office which works well for me but realise that can't always be the case.

We have a live out nanny. She comes at 7am to help with breakfast and does the school run. Looks after toddler through the school day, collects eldest dcs from school at 3.30-4.20pm (depends if they have an after school activities). Runs them all to extracurriculars on certain days, supervises homework and music practuce, sorts out dinner for the dcs and their laundry and gets them ready for bed. DH and I are rarely home before 7pm in the week.

I also have this problem, but I think I'm leaning towards ditching the big job rather than outsource to a nanny and miss out on pick ups, after school clubs and homework. That's the good stuff and I don't want to miss it.

The only people I know that this works for are people who have a nanny-housekeeper. If you can both work from home one day and do school drop offs you could reduce hours a bit that way - ie. they do 8-7, Tuesday 3-7, Wednesday 8-7, Thursday 8-7 and Friday 3-7. That's still 41 hours.

An au pair. It was life changing for us. We had always juggled during the nursery years, then had a hideously expensive wrap-around nanny once they went to school as couldn't work the school clubs hours and jobs. Eventually decided we need less stress, more flexibility and a less expensive option, so gave up the ensuite bedroom to an au pair. Have never looked back.
It has been an incredibly positive experience. The DDs love having a 'big sister', we love the reliability and flexibility, and hadn't realised how stressful it had been always rushing for childcare. Yes, it means someone living with you, and there have been some small bumps in the road (and some empty fridges with our first one who are like a horse), but the positives definitely outweigh the negatives. Aupairworld.com has always worked for us.

Echo that the families I know like this have a Nanny - that enables dc to do clubs , playdates etc outside of school.

Urgh, I hate the whole 'big job' thing.
My dad's been an hgv driver for 45 years, working 14 hour days. Is that a big job?
DH works away Monday to Friday as a tradesperson. Is that a big job too?
No, thought not. Why not?
I'm in a full time, senior role in a professional services firm, so would presumably tick that box myself - if I was having a pretentious 5 minutes and had the inclination to.

Totally agree, I have family members that are farmers and I guarantee they work longer hours than "big jobs" 🙄

Just get on with it like everyone else ?

Nanny as previously suggested

Organisation is key - lift share with those at your children's hobbies

I hope you pay through the nose for her and don't take the piss with your salary.

She prob deserves twice what you earn since she is doing one of the hardest jobs in the world - looking after kids.

Urgh.

Hope you get some useful responses OP, and just ignore the unhelpful posters needing their say 🙄

I do flex hours and work after their bedtime for a few hours but then have more time in the evening for them