At what age did you no longer have to “do” bedtime?

[Wherearewe2001]

5yo and 2.5yo here.

Bedtime is a 1-2+ hour saga that involves multiple instances of getting out of bed, messing around, wanting cuddles, books, drinks or toys. By the time they are both settled it’s close to 9pm and the evening is gone.

They have a bedtime routine that’s the same every night. It’s the point of getting them into bed and the lights off that the trouble starts. It’s an exhausting and relentless ordeal.

At what age do children generally just go to fucking sleep, without all of the drama? Or even better, at what age to they just take themselves off to bed and you don’t have to “do” anything? I’m living for those days…!

We stopped when youngest was 6. “Bedtime! Meant upstairs clean your teeth , pyjamas and bed . Still come down to do kisses and cuddles. At 8 years old I choose when to clean teeth and do a story and he still sometimes sleeps in my bed. But it’s optional and they are quite capable of put themselves to bed.

Mom of a 2yo and 3.5 yo here. We keep bedtime routine simple: pyjamas and night-time nappies, I read a story, tuck them to bed, give them a kiss and good night. I'm usually done by 7/7.30pm and they fall asleep by around 8pm. We have a baby gate on their bedroom door and we trained them to understand bed time means bed time. Your children might cry at first because they don't want to go to sleep yet but just let them and they'll soon understand it's time to sleep. Obviously if they're asking for water or something reasonable go and check

I leave mine with a 360 cup of water to thwart any drink requests. However, they cannot share a bedroom! If yours are winding each other up, could you after stories/teeth/pj's tuck one in in your room and move them to their own bed when you go to bed?

5 is still young. DS is 5.5 yo and bedtime is about 90 minutes but it's probably my favourite part of the day. We go up at 7 pm and do all the bathroom stuff and getting PJs on. Then we do drawing, reading, learning and talking until he nods off. It's usually about 90 minutes and it's my favourite time of the day, at least on school days.

I had this. When my sister and her children came to stay, she said “oh, how funny, your children get revved up at bedtime instead of getting sleepier!”, while her own children snuggled down quietly.

I couldn’t wait for them to put themselves to bed.

My daughter stopped wanting me to kiss her goodnight in her early teens (I actually can’t remember when me reading bedtime stories stopped) but I discovered I felt a bit sad. I remembered that I always used to put myself to bed as a child and, though it didn’t feel bleak at the time, I wanted to feel closer to my own children. The boys lasted longer and I still sometimes go in and cuddle my cuddliest youngest at the age of 17. I announced when he was 13 or 14 that he was probably big enough to stop and then we both ended up in tears because the thought seemed so sad! (I started it I think.)

Depends on the children i guess... i never had to do bedtime routine with my son(almost 6 yrs), as the moment he touches the pillow he's asleep... used to fall asleep next to me and we moved him in his bed... since having second child (almost 2 yrs now) couldn't continue like that as baby was total leech next to me, he then started falling asleep on the sofa next to his dad ,again move him to bed after... and now just goes to bed on his own in his room💁
I'll get feedback for this but its how you train them. This is not right or wrong or anything when i say so. Its how you best feel to do with your children. Some people like reading bedtime stories singing and all of that.. i dont really... so i never did... They expect you to read them now etc every night cause u always do it. So if you dont want to to do it anymore its time to stop

I wonder if the 2020 lockdowns stole us doing bedtimes a bit (now have teenagers).

they still want a cuddle before bed (even 16 yo DS!)
BUT …. I may already be in bed before them!
I’ve given up waiting for them to go to bed before I do ! …. If they’re last up they’ll even check the door is locked and come to tell us they’ve checked !
if they aren’t headed for bed then I’ll nag a bit, but no longer get involved.

in the OP’s current situation you need to put your foot down a bit about when bedtime is!!

either don’t contend interaction after 8pm, or start a bit later and accept the children are part of the evening. …. at that age we did a bit of both! kept them up at weekends and had quick bedtimes and “lost the plot” midweek to enforce an earlier bedtime.
we didn’t used to eat till they were in bed when they were little, so I’d say “yes, after I’ve had my dinner” to most questions and they’d generally be asleep by the time I got there.
if you keep giving attention they’ll keep seeking it !!

If anyone is still on this thread, advice pls!! I have tried this so many times but they get SO upset if we don't stay. HUGE tantrums for hours, they won't stop. They're on the shy side so I worry I'll give them some kind of worse separation anxiety if I push this, so eventually after a few days of trying always end up back in with them. Age 2&4. Separate rooms so when husband is away it's a bloody nightmare

Can you try setting up a little station in the hallway that's comfy for you but with a book, coffee etc. Do story, kisses, night. When they appear, straight back. Not all the way downstairs, you're right there. They are only going to seconds before being out back. I'd be really surprised if they persisted getting out of bed beyond a few nights.

Put them in the same room to sleep and stay in there to settle them.

We had books on the sofa, cuddled up for reading, then up to bed, lights out, door shut. No messing. Why start something so stretched out and then wonder why it takes so long.