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Original poster

At what age did you no longer have to “do” bedtime?

111 replies

Wherearewe2001 · 20/12/2023 09:53

5yo and 2.5yo here.

Bedtime is a 1-2+ hour saga that involves multiple instances of getting out of bed, messing around, wanting cuddles, books, drinks or toys. By the time they are both settled it’s close to 9pm and the evening is gone.

They have a bedtime routine that’s the same every night. It’s the point of getting them into bed and the lights off that the trouble starts. It’s an exhausting and relentless ordeal.

At what age do children generally just go to fucking sleep, without all of the drama? Or even better, at what age to they just take themselves off to bed and you don’t have to “do” anything? I’m living for those days…!

OP posts:
Tr1skel1on · 21/12/2023 23:49

It's very difficult. Although I'm slightly envious of you I'm currently waiting for my teens, 16 and 17, to get back from late night shopping. Driven by another just 17 year old in bad weather..... I long for the days I knew they were safely in bed

Redwinesalt · 22/12/2023 00:10

"@Tr1skel1on exactly. For me bedtime battles never went. They are fully capable of going to bed. But they'd rather stay up.

Tr1skel1on · 22/12/2023 00:21

Everyone back home safely. Thank Fuck for that. Quite possibly the longest night of my life. Apparently the Maccies drive thru took ages

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flowerchild2000 · 22/12/2023 00:23

4 kids and when it's time for bed, get in the bed. It's that easy. One of them likes to read so I got her a little reading light. Never had an issue.

Emmyweez · 29/12/2023 06:21

I think bedtime became so routine when they got to school age as they were shattered. Although it got easier around 3, so nearly there.

mine are 8 and soon to be 14 and reading to them continues at their request, for the eldest not in bed but before hand as a way to unwind. They do everything else.

user1492757084 · 29/12/2023 06:44

Aged about nine. When they were great at reading books on their own. Bed time was at 7:30 pm for all with lights out by 8:00 pm for youngest and half an hour more for the ones who read chapter books on their own and turned out their own reading light.
Brush teeth, toilet, a story for the youngest and some chapters each for the older two. Say prayers, do they need drink? Leave.
Have a water near the bed, have a night light on in passage for getting up to the toilet.
We were strictly quiet and brief with communication after bed time. We'd turn the light off if the older ones forgot and say night night. If they got up they were directed to go straight back to bed.
Our kids went to sleep easier when they had been physically busy, especially with time outside; after they had supped a small glass of milk and had a snuggly warm bed.
Some like baths after dinner, I liked to have them bathed and in pyjamas with school readers done before dinner so we ate a little later at around 7:00 pm..

NameChangeAsICouldBeOverReacting · 29/12/2023 06:56

I’ve skipped a lot of messages, but it sounds like they aren’t tired enough @Wherearewe2001. I know you said you tried to drop the nap, but how long did you try for? It will take a week or two for your LO to adjust to the new change and for you to see any effect on bedtime.

Alternatively, you keep the nap in but do bedtime later. My 17 month old wakes up at 7am, has a 1.5-2hr nap and bedtime is around 7.45pm.

RuthW · 29/12/2023 07:07

Bedtime stories etc stopped about age 11.

RecycleMePlease · 29/12/2023 07:09

Mine are just pre-teen - I remind them it's bedtime (although if I forget they'll be only max 30 mins late before they remind me instead), and if it's cold I'll go and turn on their bed heater while they brush their teeth and tuck them in.

If it's holidays, and they want to stay up a bit, then they have to come to me for the hug and I don't tuck them in.

Even if there's waffling around it takes an absolute maximum of 30 minutes. This held true when they were younger too. Because I'm very firm about mucking about (and my kids are pretty easy/reasonable about it anyway)

Newchapterbeckons · 29/12/2023 07:11

13/14 ish
Still chat, tuck them in now. 18 and 15.

Newchapterbeckons · 29/12/2023 07:12

Tighten it up op, and shorten to 45 mins. As they get older stories switch to talking out issues and reading themselves..

Christmaswonder · 29/12/2023 07:19

Sorry OP, mine have always just gone to sleep without the drama. 8 and 5 here. 8 year old rarely has a bedtime story these days which makes me sad - he will either read a bit to himself, or in the week he has several extra curricular activities so there’s no time, for him it’s a case of quick tea, jammies and teeth, although he’s always taken to bed by a parent and still insists on several cuddles.

5 year old still has a full routine involving a story and two songs, but again will just go to sleep.

We have the odd night where 5 year old is being noisy (they share a room) and the 8 year old is up and down the stairs, but it’s not all that often.

CeeCee2022 · 29/12/2023 07:50

My son was never early to his bed and a 7pm routine didn't work for us ever.... try pushing their bedtime routine back half an hour and let them play and use up some more energy before bed.

menopausalmare · 29/12/2023 07:54

We still read to my 10 year old and have just stopped with my 12 year old. They have always been good at bedtimes with no messing around, barring the toddler years, because we're firm with them. We want a quiet evening on the sofa. Back to bed!

FluffyFanny · 29/12/2023 08:00

Firstly, you're starting your bedtime routine too late. At that age my dd had lights off by 7pm- not just starting to get ready. I put my dd in the bath very night- I think that helps start the bedtime routine and they enjoy it.

I would try putting the younger one to bed first- half an hour before. Read her a really quick story, kisses and cuddle and turn the lights off and close the door and give your older dd more time for a story by herself. That way she will feel more grown up and responsible and get alone time with you before she goes to sleep- hopefully by then little one will be nodding off and your older dd will have to sneak in and be very quiet when she gets in her bed.

KingsleyBorder · 29/12/2023 08:00

RecycleMePlease · 29/12/2023 07:09

Mine are just pre-teen - I remind them it's bedtime (although if I forget they'll be only max 30 mins late before they remind me instead), and if it's cold I'll go and turn on their bed heater while they brush their teeth and tuck them in.

If it's holidays, and they want to stay up a bit, then they have to come to me for the hug and I don't tuck them in.

Even if there's waffling around it takes an absolute maximum of 30 minutes. This held true when they were younger too. Because I'm very firm about mucking about (and my kids are pretty easy/reasonable about it anyway)

Bed heater? Is that the same as an electric blanket?

FluffyFanny · 29/12/2023 08:01

And BTW, to answer your question I never had the drama around bedtime that you describe- it never got started.

StuntNun · 29/12/2023 08:07

You're doing the right thing with the grey rock - no interaction. We've spent periods where we had to lie in wait on the landing after bedtime to keep taking a child back to bed as soon as they get up. Even now, at age 8 and 11, they'll still get up and wander downstairs for a chat and have to be taken back to bed.

Torchdino · 29/12/2023 08:12

DS would go up and do his teeth himself and choose and pop on some jammies when he was nearly 5, we'd then do a story and cuddles and he'd listen to his Yoto, or do sensible play.

eatdrinkandbemerry · 29/12/2023 08:18

Our youngest is nine and she still loves us to climb on her bed and read a book together 🥰.
She's perfectly able to read to herself but it's sweet and we all enjoy the half hour quality time so it will carry on until she decides she doesn't want it anymore.

AndThatWasNY · 29/12/2023 08:18

I was incredibly strict and with a routine around bedtime. The rest of the day not so much.

From being babies I had the same routine.
Bath, milk, teeth, stories, cuddles, 2 songs, bed.
Took about 45 mins.
Any dicking about after that was basically ignored (unless ill/teething).
So they would get up (first time I would say *it's bed time no more stories/drink/cuddles etc". second time "bed time", third time say nothing just put tem in bed. They all had one night as a toddler of turning this into a game, finding it funny/then getting upset at the absolute lack of reaction.
They all learnt quickly not to mess about and that bedtime was bedtime. I have 4 kids 3 of whom are ND. I need my evenings!

The eldest is autistic and often wouldn't sleep so would look at books in bed for a couple of hours before falling asleep. That was fine as long as I could have my rest.

AndThatWasNY · 29/12/2023 08:19

But as for doing bedtimes and reading stories up until about 10? I actually miss that bit as was my favourite bit of the day.

Plumful · 29/12/2023 08:21

SEG152 · 20/12/2023 16:31

To put it bluntly, your children take this long to settle because you let them.

Stick to routine of books, have water already in their room for them and give them a big cuddle before lights out.

First time they’re up you tell them gently that it’s bed time and take them back to bed and give them a kiss. Next time they’re out it’s a stern it’s bed time and lead them back. Third time just lead them back. If you aren’t giving into their requests they’ll soon be bored and give up.

This! My three year old doesn’t dick around because she knows bedtime means bedtime.

Felisenavedad · 29/12/2023 08:39

My son has just turned 3,bedtime takes about 5 mins at 6.30. We lie next to him and sing quietly and he's out like a light.

If I left him to it, it would take much longer - I think he'd be getting in and out, messing around.

BertieBotts · 29/12/2023 08:56

Can you stagger their bedtimes? Put whichever one falls asleep quickest to bed first and let the other stay downstairs (bring with you and bring back down if youngest and only one adult around at bedtime) then take second up after the first is asleep.

Or put one to bed in your bed and one to bed in your room then carry through when both are asleep.

This way you can also do stories separately so not reading 4 (!)

If 2.5yo is still having a nap consider dropping it.

We have roughly these ages and what we tend to do is 2yo stays in living room with me and has story/breastfeed. If he hasn't had a nap that day he will generally then fall asleep and I transfer him to cot (we have a flat, so living room is next to their room).

If he doesn't fall asleep because he's had a nap, sometimes DH has luck in getting him to lie down in his cot with a bottle of milk/water. They will then chatter away to each other for a while but basically go to sleep. However, if he starts crying or asking to come out, he won't go to sleep that way and it disturbs 5yo so we take him out of the room and generally push him back and forth in the buggy for a bit which generally sends him off within 20 mins or so. That is a pain but we are trying to establish that bedtime = sleep time.

If they are winding each other up, falling asleep separately should help.

If it's mostly driven by one of them, taking the other out of the equation and working on targeting a new behaviour for that child will probably help. This is easier to do at 5 than 2.5. (What I didn't realise is that DH was bribing 5yo with mini marshmallows if he was quiet and let 2yo go to sleep Grin I suggested stickers instead as not so good for the teeth... but it did work!)