Page 2 | At what age did you no longer have to “do” bedtime?

Wherearewe2001 · 2023-12-20T09:53:06+00:00

5yo and 2.5yo here. Bedtime is a 1-2+ hour saga that involves multiple instances of getting out of bed, messing around, wanting cuddles, books, drinks or toys. By the time they are both settled it’s close to 9pm and the evening is gone. They have a bedtime routine that’s the same every night. It’s the point of getting them into bed and the lights off that the trouble starts. It’s an exhausting and relentless ordeal. At what age do children generally just go to fucking sleep, without all of the drama? Or even better, at what age to they just take themselves off to bed and you don’t have to “do” anything? I’m living for those days…!

MySecret21 · 20/12/2023 16:37

My boys are 6 and 9 and although I still read with each of them before bed, and lie with them for 5 minutes, the whole process is over in about 20 minutes and then they just go straight to sleep.

I can’t remember a point where it’s ever been a drama, even as very young children they always just stayed in bed once they were tucked in after their story.

Nononononoyes · 20/12/2023 16:39

11 and still going here.
I started this godforsaken cuddle routine that she now can’t sleep without.
I just keep telling myself that I’ll miss it when she doesn’t want it anymore…

MsTwaffles · 20/12/2023 16:51

It is tough, and I know this doesnt seem helpful right now, but I do a bedtime with my dc, 18 and 12. It's basically soending extra time with them chatting but sitting on the end of their beds, they open up a lot more like this I find. But I love it.

I do remember how hard bedtime is when theyre younger though, you have my sympathies

Feralgremlin · 20/12/2023 17:17

I still do bedtime for DS10 (nearly 11) but he has ASD and his sleep has always been a nightmare. It has got easier though as we have perfected the routine, worked out what works well and what doesn’t. We have an app called New Horizon that has guided meditations for bedtime on which has been a complete game changer, along with a weighted blanket and white noise.

Dutch1e · 20/12/2023 18:14

MsTwaffles · 20/12/2023 16:51

It is tough, and I know this doesnt seem helpful right now, but I do a bedtime with my dc, 18 and 12. It's basically soending extra time with them chatting but sitting on the end of their beds, they open up a lot more like this I find. But I love it.

I do remember how hard bedtime is when theyre younger though, you have my sympathies

This warmed my heart, how lovely

ReadyForPumpkins · 20/12/2023 21:33

MsTwaffles · 20/12/2023 16:51

It is tough, and I know this doesnt seem helpful right now, but I do a bedtime with my dc, 18 and 12. It's basically soending extra time with them chatting but sitting on the end of their beds, they open up a lot more like this I find. But I love it.

I do remember how hard bedtime is when theyre younger though, you have my sympathies

This is so lovely.

Nineteendays · 20/12/2023 21:44

Mine are 8 and 11 and I don’t ‘do’ bedtime anymore. They do want their special handshake before bed but they don’t have to be in bed for it. Sometimes I read with the 8 year old as we’re reading Harry Potter and it’s too hard for her to read it on her own yet. It depends on time. I’ve never lain with them waiting for them to go to sleep though. My friend used to and then her daughter took longer and longer to fall asleep and needed to hold her hand and in the end my friend had to put a mattress on the floor in her dd bedroom and sleep there holding her dd’s hand. It went on for years too! And seemed to result in her dd feeling less and less secure in her own bed as she couldn’t settle unless my friend was physically there holding her hand.

WhatWillAPearDoAtNight · 20/12/2023 21:45

RoachFish · 20/12/2023 14:28

Around 7/8 in my house. By then they got themselves ready for bed, they read their own books and then I just went and said good night and switched the light off when it was time to sleep. So my involvement was probably less than 5 minutes per night at that stage.

Yea this happens in my house now too. It's fabulous. My DD is 7

WhatWillAPearDoAtNight · 20/12/2023 21:46

I still go up Tuck her in and give her a cuddle though

Original poster

Wherearewe2001 · 21/12/2023 13:04

Thanks all. Bedtime routine is upstairs between 6.30-7, pyjamas and teeth, a couple of books each, cuddles, chats, then lights out between 7-7.30. This part is fine, it’s once the lights are out that the issues start. Shouting, wanting more cuddles, more stories, drinks, wanting to tell us “one more thing” (which is usually something silly”), getting out of bed and being silly. This can go on for another hour. They wind each other up too, they share a room and separate rooms aren’t an option due to space.

I try to do the supernanny style grey rock thing of just taking back to bed with no interaction, but it’s so hard and has varying success. Maybe I need to be firmer with it.

OP posts:

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 21/12/2023 13:09

I wonder OP are they just not tired enough? Maybe push it back a bit later? What time do they get up

Original poster

Wherearewe2001 · 21/12/2023 13:13

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 21/12/2023 13:09

I wonder OP are they just not tired enough? Maybe push it back a bit later? What time do they get up

They wake up between 6.30-7.30am. The 2yo still has a lunchtime 1hr nap. We’ve tried dropping it but all that changes is that they are awake until 8.30pm screaming and crying hysterically, as opposed to awake until 8.30pm messing around and chatting 😣

OP posts:

morechaimama · 21/12/2023 13:16

Is there a possibility of the younger one going up earlier and doing their bedtime routine and snuggling down so that they're already half asleep when the older one goes up, having done their stories and cuddles a bit later downstairs?

stargirl1701 · 21/12/2023 13:17

Still 'doing' bedtime here at 11 and 9.

They can bathe/shower themselves, I still do a bedtime story (one chapter), supervise toothbrushing and then tuck in/kiss goodnight.

SouthLondonMum22 · 21/12/2023 13:20

He turned 1 a few weeks ago and he goes to bed easily overall. We keep the bedtime routine short and sweet with bath, beaker of milk + quick story, teeth & bed.

Of course, he's just one child. Ask me again in April when I have newborn twins as well.

Quornflakegirl · 21/12/2023 13:20

Mine are 11 and can and sometimes do take themselves to bed if I am having a very early night and not feeling well. Sometimes it’s great and they’re straight to sleep in minutes, some night are hellish and they dick around for hours.

Brandyginger · 21/12/2023 13:23

I still supervise bedtime at 11 and 15 but all the getting out of bed makarky stopped around age 2. DH and I were firm and unsmiling and just didn’t engage at all once we were sure there wasn’t some kind of emergency or health issue.

I think you’ll find that 10 days straight of CONSISTENT non engagement and you’ll have stopped it.

FoxtrotSkarloey · 21/12/2023 13:24

PMSL at those saying it's because you let it.

Mine are the same. It's a fucking nightmare and totally killing us because we either eat too late, or fall asleep with them and then have to get up to do the evening chores.

I suppose in a way, we do enable it, but the ONLY reason we do is because if we didn't one would be so bloody noisy it would disturb the other.

It's mostly the older one who has nearly always been unable to go to sleep alone, but the younger is pretty shit too.

I hate it.

Alalalalalongalalalalalonglonglilong · 21/12/2023 13:30

Wherearewe2001 · 21/12/2023 13:13

They wake up between 6.30-7.30am. The 2yo still has a lunchtime 1hr nap. We’ve tried dropping it but all that changes is that they are awake until 8.30pm screaming and crying hysterically, as opposed to awake until 8.30pm messing around and chatting 😣

Show quote history

Sounds like the little one still needs to nap so. I would try shortening the routine but starting it a bit later, so hopefully you get that sweet spot when they are tired enough to fall asleep quicker but not enough for overtired hysteria to kick in.

My twins are 10 and they get hounded upstairs then I come in to tuck in and kiss goodnight about 45 mins later. They read for a while. I think I stopped ushering them up the stairs at about 8 but always go in for a goodnight hug and kiss, they can't sleep without it apparently. I'm home with them in the afternoons though so I have caught up on all the news so its a bit easier than a FT working parent.

Happiestathome · 21/12/2023 13:32

Youngest is 13….I’ll let you know when I get there 😂

LaChienneDesFromages · 21/12/2023 13:53

DD’s both opted out of bedtime she’d 11/12 but we’re good at imposing their own routine of reading then light out. They are now mid-teens and I do still tuck them in and have a chat if they aren’t already asleep. Part of the routine is curling up on the sofa with me for a chat/tv programme before they go up.

DS is 12. Bedtime routine is still very important and calms him after a busy day. And as we’ve just started reading The Order of the Phoenix at 700+ pages, I’m pretty confident it’ll still be the case well into Spring! He also likes one of us to be pottering upstairs while he’s going to sleep as he’s a little anxious.

My advice is to find routines that work for you as you’ve perhaps got another decade to go!

Bbq1 · 21/12/2023 15:18

MsTwaffles · 20/12/2023 16:51

It is tough, and I know this doesnt seem helpful right now, but I do a bedtime with my dc, 18 and 12. It's basically soending extra time with them chatting but sitting on the end of their beds, they open up a lot more like this I find. But I love it.

I do remember how hard bedtime is when theyre younger though, you have my sympathies

Me too. Dh and I both have a proper good night routine with our 18yo ds. We have some of our most in depth chats sat on the end of his bed. Sometimes the chats run for an hour! Ds is open anyway but It's still a lovely way to keep communication open and he's very interesting with great ideas!

reluctantbrit · 21/12/2023 16:27

I think by 9 DD would shower and get ready on her own and then "summon" one of us to read to her. It was also a good time to talk 121 with her.

But before it was very much a getting ready, story, bed, light out. Unless there was an issue we didn't see or hear her again.

It was very different when she was 7, it took ages and in the end it was clear her ADHD didn't let her brain shut down and she couldn't relax.

I think you need to ensure all is done and dusted and there are no reasons to get out again.
Are they really ready for bed? Is the time too early or too late?

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 21/12/2023 23:25

Wherearewe2001 · 21/12/2023 13:04

Thanks all. Bedtime routine is upstairs between 6.30-7, pyjamas and teeth, a couple of books each, cuddles, chats, then lights out between 7-7.30. This part is fine, it’s once the lights are out that the issues start. Shouting, wanting more cuddles, more stories, drinks, wanting to tell us “one more thing” (which is usually something silly”), getting out of bed and being silly. This can go on for another hour. They wind each other up too, they share a room and separate rooms aren’t an option due to space.

I try to do the supernanny style grey rock thing of just taking back to bed with no interaction, but it’s so hard and has varying success. Maybe I need to be firmer with it.

It may be a good idea to start a new thread - possibly under 'parenting' asking for some specific advice for other parents who have managed DC with a similar age difference who have to share a room . I think that is your problem - but equally there must be lots of people in a similar situation so their specific advice would be useful .

Redwinesalt · 21/12/2023 23:36

11/13 and still need supervision as they are on phones / devices etc. not uncommon. Bed 10ish

At what age did you no longer have to “do” bedtime?

Interested in this thread?