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Original poster

Jewish woman coming for Christmas, anything I need to know?

96 replies

JinglePringle · 15/12/2023 20:20

Just that really.

She is my Dad's partner they don't live close so we only see them a few times a year. This year for the first time we have our own home and are hosting Christmas.

We have been out to eat with them and although she doesn't eat pork she doesn't seem bothered if others do.

Is it ok to say Merry Christmas?
I know they have 2 kitchens at home is there anything I need to keep separate?
I have got her a present, just a nice candle. Is that ok?

Massively overthinking I'm sure but I don't want to upset or offend and it is our first time doing Christmas so I want it to go well.

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 15/12/2023 20:53

You could ask how your dad's partner celebrated Hanukkah. I've always been of the view that you don't deny Christmas or other Christian festivals because some people have other faiths, you ask or even join in celebrations of theirs.

HermioneWeasley · 15/12/2023 20:55

If they have 2 kitchens at home, she’s likely to have specific food needs and I’m surprised neither of them have mentioned that.

Vettrianofan · 15/12/2023 20:57

Two kitchens. Wow. Sorry I am not getting past that bit🤣

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CanaryCanary · 15/12/2023 20:57

Two kitchens at home means that she takes the kosher rules very very strictly. So no product containing milk can be cooked/stored in the same saucepan/fridge etc as a product containing meat. I assume you’re not set up with two kitchens!

So you really need to ask her if she has dietary needs and what those are.

Inyourwildestdreams · 15/12/2023 20:57

@JinglePringle Yeah I agree with @HermioneWeasley - I’m surprised it hasn’t been mentioned to you before now if you’re preparing food.

AnnaMagnani · 15/12/2023 20:58

If they have 2 kitchens at home, she is serious about keeping kosher.

I'd check with her as it is more complicated than not serving her bacon or sausages.

AffIt · 15/12/2023 20:59

If she keeps a kosher kitchen, then she must be quite observant with regard to dietary laws - I'd definitely check in advance.

CanaryCanary · 15/12/2023 20:59

@Vettrianofan - it’s not unusual at all among Jewish families, but it’s only done by people who strictly observe the kosher food rules (which not all Jewish people do)

justalittlesnoel · 15/12/2023 21:01

Does she keep kosher? If she has two kitchens it suggest she might. Is she planning on bringing her own food? You will need to serve kosher food if not (from a proper kosher established, certified kosher!).

You need to keep meat and dairy separate, depending on how she is she may not eat them together at meals. If dairy is served some Jewish people will eat meat after with a time gap that is shorter (e.g 30 mins) but if meat is served dairy might not be eaten for hours. It needs separate utensils, serving dishes, eating dishes etc. Some Jewish people (depending how religious) may want to use dishes that have been to a mikvah.

I would speak to her directly if possible to check her food / preparation needs.

Original poster
JinglePringle · 15/12/2023 21:06

Oh gosh what have I let myself in for!

They are in their 80's so it's not as simple as being able to ask. They don't do technology and their phone line has been down for weeks (They are getting it fixed in the new year apparently). Communication is done by good old-fashioned post.

We do go out to eat with them and she never asks the waiters any questions about food handling or preparation. Does this mean maybe she doesn't mind if it is not in her house?

I am writing a letter now with all these questions in. Hopefully she will answer it but I am expecting a letter back from my dad which says "Whatever you do is fine. We are looking forward to coming" Which is lovely but NOT helpful!

OP posts:
Original poster
JinglePringle · 15/12/2023 21:10

Have just run through my menu. I have something she can have for every course which has no dairy in it. I can prepare anything with dairy the day before and keep it in a separate fridge in the utility room.

For example starter is prawn cocktail or fruit kebab. Prawn cocktails can be prepared the day before and put in a different room. So I am only preparing the fruit in the kitchen on the day.

OP posts:
titchy · 15/12/2023 21:15

JinglePringle · 15/12/2023 21:10

Have just run through my menu. I have something she can have for every course which has no dairy in it. I can prepare anything with dairy the day before and keep it in a separate fridge in the utility room.

For example starter is prawn cocktail or fruit kebab. Prawn cocktails can be prepared the day before and put in a different room. So I am only preparing the fruit in the kitchen on the day.

That sounds manageable - obvs she won't eat prawns.

ReflectiveRogue1001 · 15/12/2023 21:16

Prawns aren't kosher!

nothernexposure · 15/12/2023 21:17

Probably also need to be aware that shellfish isnt Kosher so if she does stick to dietary requirements she wont eat prawns

DeanElderberry · 15/12/2023 21:18

It might be more hospitable not to do prawns at all - smoked salmon would (I think) be acceptable.

ReflectiveRogue1001 · 15/12/2023 21:18

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highfidelity · 15/12/2023 21:19

What don't you just ask her? I'm Jewish, not kosher, and when friends cater for me (for the first time), they ask. Just do that.

I do know some kosher Jews who stick to vegetarian food when eating in non-kosher restaurants and friend's houses, but surely it's easier to just ask her.

Have I said just ask?!

highfidelity · 15/12/2023 21:23

DeanElderberry · 15/12/2023 21:18

It might be more hospitable not to do prawns at all - smoked salmon would (I think) be acceptable.

My friend's know I take smoked salmon very very seriously. They'd not offer me any as supermarket smoked salmon is rarely, if ever as good as anything available at a Jewish deli.

Anyway, OP, if she is kosher, you can't even mix meat and milk at any point during the meal, so if you're serving anything meat or fish-based, there can't be anything dairy in the pudding. But again, she might not be this strict and why it's worth asking her directly.

And also, it's not even about preparing food in different rooms, to keep kosher, there are separate plates, crockery, saucepans etc.

Movinghouseatlast · 15/12/2023 21:24

Shellfish is totally out if she is kosher. You could do avocado for her instead.

Original poster
JinglePringle · 15/12/2023 21:25

Thank you everyone. I knew she couldn't have the prawns, you are right I'll just do some salmon.

Like I said it's not as easy as just asking. I will send a letter tomorrow but dad handles all the correspondence so I don't know if he will ask her. They are very old fashioned.

She does eat out and we just go to local pubs so I think sticking to keeping everything as vegan as possible is going to be ok. I will ask in the letter.

OP posts:
FuckingHellAdele · 15/12/2023 21:25

ReflectiveRogue1001 · 15/12/2023 21:16

Prawns aren't kosher!

I assume that's why the OP is doing fruit kebabs as an alternative, and keeping them separate

SausageinaBun · 15/12/2023 21:27

I'd be really surprised if she would have 2 kitchens at home but be ok with non-kosher meat.

That might mean that she sticks to vegetarian and fish (but not shellfish or a few obscure other types of fish), but then can have dairy, because she's not eating meat.

The other thing that has caught us out occasionally has been gelatine in desserts. Obviously not in a traditional Christmas pudding, though that could be a problem if made with real suet. Not sure if that's even a thing any more.

mondaytosunday · 15/12/2023 21:30

Ask? I mean kosher usually separate dairy from meat (I grew up in a Jewish neighbourhood and there were often two dishwashers and two sets of plates, but no one had two kitchens). But when they came to my house (Catholic) most kosher rules went out the window! Bacon was popular - these were kids though.
Anyway you need to ask about food, but otherwise carry on as normal - she is a guest in your home and should expect to join in usual traditions (and you can say Happy Holidays if you don't want to say Christmas).

SylvanianFrenemies · 15/12/2023 21:30

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Who the fuck says things like this.
It is possible to talk about being hospitable to a Jewish guest without making "jokes" about people who revel in raping and torturing Jewish peopme to death, you know. Try it.

titchy · 15/12/2023 21:32

Don't do smoked salmon for her. Just vegetarian unless you have bought specific kosher meat. And prepare her food separately.

I'd assume if she eats out she choose vegetarian options so she may not be so frum as to require a separate kitchen as she would be at home.

How come this hasn't come up before though?