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Original poster

Jewish woman coming for Christmas, anything I need to know?

96 replies

JinglePringle · 15/12/2023 20:20

Just that really.

She is my Dad's partner they don't live close so we only see them a few times a year. This year for the first time we have our own home and are hosting Christmas.

We have been out to eat with them and although she doesn't eat pork she doesn't seem bothered if others do.

Is it ok to say Merry Christmas?
I know they have 2 kitchens at home is there anything I need to keep separate?
I have got her a present, just a nice candle. Is that ok?

Massively overthinking I'm sure but I don't want to upset or offend and it is our first time doing Christmas so I want it to go well.

OP posts:
Louandsi · 15/12/2023 22:37

If she eats out in local pubs, she will eat in your house. Just give her vegetarian food\ salmon. Wish her Merry Christmas, don't overthink it. I expect she is pleased to be spending time with you & values family.

etmoiandme · 15/12/2023 22:41

WinterNamechange · 15/12/2023 22:27

I think if she was expecting you to cater for very specific requirements she would have told you by now, so you may make her feel awkward if you go really over the top - especially as you say she is fine going out for meals in pubs etc.

My first thought too.

You sound really lovely and thoughtful OP, but I bet you anything she won't want any fuss and will be happy to eat most things apart from the obvious no-no's, pigs in blankets etc.

Salmon or vegetarian probably most safe....or all go out for a Chinese meal!

Interested in this thread?

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Events & celebrations
therealcookiemonster · 15/12/2023 22:47

@JinglePringle given what you mentioned re eating at the pub, it could be she has two kitchens for convenience. a lot of non jewish people I know who do big hosting have two kitchens to enable a lot of food preparation.

Confuzzleduzzled · 15/12/2023 22:56

I’m Jewish. I have 2 sets of crockery, cutlery, pots and pans. One for dairy and one for meat. When I eat out I just stick to vegetarian and fish. I’d happily eat veggie or fish at a friends house but would let them know in advance rather than let them guess. I also wouldn’t be bothered that the dishes had been used before for meat as long as they had been washed.
Lots of Jews keep kosher at home but aren’t observant when they go out.

MumChp · 15/12/2023 23:01

One kitchen is to prepare dairy and one kitchen is to prepare meat. They don't mix in the Jewish kitchen.

LeaveBritneyAlone · 15/12/2023 23:13

Honestly just ask your dad! Jewish people are obviously very knowledgable about their dietary requirements and used to communicating them, she will know what’s best.

Anele22 · 15/12/2023 23:42

My mum kept a kosher kitchen – separate cutlery and crockery for meat and milk. She and my dad ate nonkosher out although not pork or seafood. I remember having an Indian takeaway with Mum and eating it in the car! Such a lovely memory! After my dad died she didn’t bother anymore and brought nonkosher meat into the house. I wonder if the lady coming to your house for Christmas kept kosher in her two kitchens previously. She clearly isn’t bothered now otherwise she wouldn’t be eating out in pubs.
I think she’ll have a wonderful time in your home.

Vettrianofan · 16/12/2023 01:05

Soontobe60 · 15/12/2023 21:53

Rude!

Show quote history

I've thanked the poster for letting me know the reason why. But carry on being offended when there isn't anything to get worked up about 🤷🏻 save it for the "rude" posters please. Stop searching threads for reasons to be offended.

Ibizafun · 16/12/2023 01:30

I have to be honest.. if she has 2 kitchens she's very kosher and I'm wondering what she's doing with a non Jewish guy?

Anyone with two kitchens would not eat in a non-kosher home so I really think it's up to her to advise you of any dietary requirements.

Ibizafun · 16/12/2023 01:31

She def won't eat prawnsGrin

LeaveBritneyAlone · 16/12/2023 01:32

Ibizafun · 16/12/2023 01:30

I have to be honest.. if she has 2 kitchens she's very kosher and I'm wondering what she's doing with a non Jewish guy?

Anyone with two kitchens would not eat in a non-kosher home so I really think it's up to her to advise you of any dietary requirements.

Being kosher is not an extreme aspect of Judaism. Many Jews date outside their religion and eat in places other than their own homes!

Who else is betting the partner has said to OP’s dad “make sure you tell your DD in bringing my own kosher fish” and he’s gone “will do” and had totally forgotten 🤣

Ibizafun · 16/12/2023 01:47

MBL · 15/12/2023 21:46

While the two kitchens does indicate a certain level of observance the fact that she has eaten in regular pubs with you and is coming to your home to eat I think says a lot. She isn't a fool. She knows you aren't Jewish and what that would entail.

I would have vegan/veggie options available for all courses and I would not serve pork/shellfish.

I'm sure you'll all have a brilliant time and your present seems perfect.

I disagree. You're Christians celebrating Christmas in your own home. why should you not eat pork or whatever you like? Absolutely offer her a fish or vegetarian alternative though.

Ibizafun · 16/12/2023 01:57

LeaveBritneyAlone I am Jewish and can tell you being kosher is definitely not extreme (obvs) but having two kitchens shows you are at the extreme end of kosher!

AliceOlive · 16/12/2023 02:07

You can’t know without asking her. The easy be observe Judaism are many and varied. If she’s really that strict out of the home, she wouldn’t be dating your father nor eating in your house.

I have a friend of similar age who keeps a kosher kitchen, but gladly eats ham and anything else outside. She says “my kitchen is kosher but my stomach isn’t.” She keeps kosher at home because she has loved ones that would not come to her house and eat otherwise.

So just ask. I’d ask her directly. My friend came to Christmas dinner last year and was delighted and delightful.

EconomyClassRockstar · 16/12/2023 02:16

Well, firstly, she's coming to your house for Christmas so OF COURSE it's ok to say Happy Christmas. I have quite a few Jewish friends who are strict Kosher at home but really aren't out of the home. One of my best friends loves coming to ours as I LOVE prawns and serve them all the time and it's the only time he "can" eat them.

So, yes, just ask but it sounds as if you are being a thoughtful and kind host and, regardless of any religion, that should be enough.

AliceOlive · 16/12/2023 02:16

That was supposed to say “the ways to observe Judaism are many and varied”

caringcarer · 16/12/2023 02:17

CanaryCanary · 15/12/2023 20:57

Two kitchens at home means that she takes the kosher rules very very strictly. So no product containing milk can be cooked/stored in the same saucepan/fridge etc as a product containing meat. I assume you’re not set up with two kitchens!

So you really need to ask her if she has dietary needs and what those are.

My DH is a vegetarian and he has his own shelves in the big fridge, his own freezer, his own microwave and air fryer and all his own knives and cooking utensils. You just get used to it. Just don't serve meat and dairy at the same meal. It's one or the other.

Bells3032 · 16/12/2023 04:45

MBL · 15/12/2023 21:46

While the two kitchens does indicate a certain level of observance the fact that she has eaten in regular pubs with you and is coming to your home to eat I think says a lot. She isn't a fool. She knows you aren't Jewish and what that would entail.

I would have vegan/veggie options available for all courses and I would not serve pork/shellfish.

I'm sure you'll all have a brilliant time and your present seems perfect.

This.

Also just cos she has two kitchens doesn't mean she's religious..I have seperate Dish washers and sinks etc (though not a whole seperate kitchen) but because the previous owners were religious and I loved the house.

Honestly I'd be surprised someone that religious level would be dating a non Jew/eating at regular restaurants.

Do you remember what she ordered when you went out to eat. Was it meat or did she stick to fish/veggie?

Honestly she's coming to your home and she knows you're not Jewish/not gonna serve a strictly kosher meal. So don't stress

PeanutAndBanana · 16/12/2023 05:13

In my ex husband's family, kosher observance varied from those people who didn't eat pork or shellfish through to some who observed all laws and wouldn't eat any food that wasn't prepared in a kosher kitchen. When the latter came they'd bring their own food and cooking equipment.
I tended to avoid banned foods, and plan either meat or dairy free meals but never went beyond that. I do honestly think that if she's eating out in pubs she's going to be fine with whatever you do but avoiding pigs in blankets, seafood and having dairy free options sounds absolutely fine.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 16/12/2023 05:27

Vettrianofan · 16/12/2023 01:05

I've thanked the poster for letting me know the reason why. But carry on being offended when there isn't anything to get worked up about 🤷🏻 save it for the "rude" posters please. Stop searching threads for reasons to be offended.

Show quote history

I found your comment both rude and uneducated Maybe you need to think about your attitude towards people with other beliefs traditions.

DoorPath · 16/12/2023 06:52

JinglePringle · 15/12/2023 21:10

Have just run through my menu. I have something she can have for every course which has no dairy in it. I can prepare anything with dairy the day before and keep it in a separate fridge in the utility room.

For example starter is prawn cocktail or fruit kebab. Prawn cocktails can be prepared the day before and put in a different room. So I am only preparing the fruit in the kitchen on the day.

Prawns are not kosher. You're going to need to at least Google this, for goodness' sake.

Redcar78 · 16/12/2023 07:06

highfidelity · 15/12/2023 21:19

What don't you just ask her? I'm Jewish, not kosher, and when friends cater for me (for the first time), they ask. Just do that.

I do know some kosher Jews who stick to vegetarian food when eating in non-kosher restaurants and friend's houses, but surely it's easier to just ask her.

Have I said just ask?!

Have you bothered reading OPs post???? She can only write a letter to communicate which she has done 🤷‍♀️ she's doing nothing wrong asking for advice so wind your neck in hon.

Ballsy · 16/12/2023 07:09

DoorPath · 16/12/2023 06:52

Prawns are not kosher. You're going to need to at least Google this, for goodness' sake.

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Which is why OP is suggesting preparing it earlier and storing it separately from the kosher fruit kebabs…🙄

renthead · 16/12/2023 07:34

I will buy a new plate, bowl, pans, cutlery etc to be on the safe side.

OP please don't do this, this is a massive overreaction and I'd think that she might be embarrassed that you went to such trouble. The woman eats in normal, non-Kosher restaurants... she is clearly not that bothered!!! There are quite a lot of Jews who are Kosher at home but much more relaxed outside the home.

I'd also be quite surprised if a guest came to a religious / celebration of another group and then imposed a lot of strict requests on the host??!! People don't generally do things like that.