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Original poster

Jewish woman coming for Christmas, anything I need to know?

96 replies

JinglePringle · 15/12/2023 20:20

Just that really.

She is my Dad's partner they don't live close so we only see them a few times a year. This year for the first time we have our own home and are hosting Christmas.

We have been out to eat with them and although she doesn't eat pork she doesn't seem bothered if others do.

Is it ok to say Merry Christmas?
I know they have 2 kitchens at home is there anything I need to keep separate?
I have got her a present, just a nice candle. Is that ok?

Massively overthinking I'm sure but I don't want to upset or offend and it is our first time doing Christmas so I want it to go well.

OP posts:

Vettrianofan · 16/12/2023 08:12

ChocolateCinderToffee · 16/12/2023 05:27

I found your comment both rude and uneducated Maybe you need to think about your attitude towards people with other beliefs traditions.

Show quote history

Or you could look at it that I was being educated by another poster who is aware of beliefs traditions that I personally was unaware of.... I don't know anyone Jewish in the area I live so it's not something that I would be privy to.

Sharing knowledge is how others become educated.

highfidelity · 16/12/2023 09:00

@Redcar78 Wind my neck in?

WOW. Not your place to tell me that.

As a Jew, I am simply telling OP what is the best thing to do and asking randoms online is not that.

I also think she's making a far bigger deal than need be given her guest hasn't sent a list of requirements.

That's all.

TwoShades1 · 16/12/2023 10:01

I think it will be fine. The fact that she eats out at pubs with you and has agreed to come for Christmas means she either isn’t strongly religious or she only practices strongly in her own home but doesn’t like/want to impose on others.

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Events & celebrations

Daisies12 · 16/12/2023 10:05

Just ask. It might be easier if she brings her own food but that’s up to her

LeaveBritneyAlone · 16/12/2023 10:08

I wonder if there is ever a post about Jews that doesn’t descend into anti-semitism. Would a Muslim poster giving advice to an OP be told to ‘wind their neck in’?

Spirallingdownwards · 16/12/2023 10:11

As she hasn't already put forward her dietary needs other than no pork (and seafood) I would work on the basis that she is fairly relaxed on the rest of a standard Christmas meal.

I have a number of Jewish friends who would eat pretty much everything I would think to include in a Christmas dinner.

I do think you are lovely to be putting this much thought and consideration into making her feel welcome and comfortable in your home.

FluffComingOut · 16/12/2023 10:15

They have no phone and they are in their 80s? What if they need an ambulance or doctor?

CloudyAgain · 16/12/2023 10:38

Tulipsroses · 15/12/2023 22:05

You are really overthinking it. If someone says they are Jewish doesn't mean they are practicing ultra Orthodox Jew. I am a Jewish women, I eat everything and celebrate Christmas.

Me too. I love Christmas and eat everything. Bacon Big Tasty anyone? My family are Christian (DCs identify as Christian after their dad!) and I love celebrating all the Christian holidays. I go to synagogue on my own mostly. I belong to a small community and there are a range of kosher requirements so we default to vegetarian for any get togethers.

Definitely just ask. The 2 kitchens are a surprise if she eats in pubs but it might have already been in situ when she / they bought the house.

I suspect if she is coming for Christmas and not specifically said anything about her diet she is pretty relaxed.

DeanElderberry · 16/12/2023 11:49

Respecting religious food traditions at home but not expecting other people to adjust their lives to them seems quite normal. I don't eat meat on Fridays (I'm in a minority among Catholics these days) but if I'm invited out on a Friday will be happy to eat whatever my kind hosts put in front of me - likewise alcohol in Lent - I'll serve it to guests and take just enough to not make them uncomfortable, also take some outside the house on the same principle. The New Testament basis for that is 'Sabbath is made for man, not man for the Sabbath'. Not knowingly serving pork or shellfish sounds considerate, having vegetarian options even more so. I'm sure you'll all enjoy the meal and each others' company.

TigerOnTour · 16/12/2023 12:11

I would make her something vegan and have enough to go around d of the other non pork/prawn stuff so she can have some if she wants.

whattheactualfrog · 16/12/2023 12:53

Maybe check with her first? I usually keep kosher but not if I’m visiting non-Jewish people. Meat and dairy has to be totally separate.

Wishing her Merry Christmas & Happy New Year completely fine.

fuckssaaaaake · 16/12/2023 13:18

HermioneWeasley · 15/12/2023 20:55

If they have 2 kitchens at home, she’s likely to have specific food needs and I’m surprised neither of them have mentioned that.

Nah I have two kitchens but eat whatever when out. We've all got our own way of working the rules 😂😂

BlowingAway · 16/12/2023 13:30

It's great you are being so thoughtful.

My parents have separate plates and cooking stuff for meat and for other things at home, but will eat out anywhere and just not eat the meat, so I think it's quite normal for people to be more strict at home.

She'll probably eat fish but not shellfish (fish needs fins and scales so salmon is fine). You can mix fish and dairy no problem.

And anything veggie will be ok too.

If she eats in pubs then I don't think you'd need new or separate crockery.

Rocknrollstar · 16/12/2023 13:42

People who have tow kitchens have them so they have a separate kitchen for Passover, not one for meat and one for milk/ fish. It sounds to me as if she was probably once more orthodox with her previous partner. If there were any problems surely they would have told you? I’d just make sure you have a veggie alternative. Lidl do great vegetarian wellingtons.

Pedallleur · 16/12/2023 14:08

Any Jewish food shops nearby? My local deli is not strict but obv no bacon/shellfish. It isn't inspected by the Beth Din who are the ultra orthodox food regulators. There is a large Jewish community near me so it's as relaxed or severe as you need. This is north Manchester.

rainbowbee · 16/12/2023 14:38

I would ask. A close friend is Jewish and is vegetarian unless the meat is from a Kosher butcher. She also won't eat from anything that pork has ever been cooked in although the cutlery and crockery doesn't count. You wait an hour between meat and dairy. No shellfish. People will vary in their degrees of strictness though.

FrogletandMe · 17/12/2023 16:30

You would think if she was overly devout, she wouldn't be celebrating Christmas though

itsmylife7 · 17/12/2023 16:43

Is there a possibility her husband was very strict around kosher food etc.

And assuming he's no longer around, as she with your Dad, she's not as strict?

Just an idea 💡

Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/12/2023 17:21

She does eat out and we just go to local pubs

Given she does this but doesn't ask staff about food prep, she's maybe not that concerned about keeping kosher

Obviously check - I'm sure your consideration in doing this will be appreciated - but I wouldn't start buying separate cutlery etc. quite yet

BlowingAway · 19/12/2023 23:26

Rocknrollstar · 16/12/2023 13:42

People don't have separate kitchens for Passover. That's 8 days out of the year.

Newsenmum · 19/12/2023 23:28

I’m sorry but the merry Christmas thing tickled me 🙈 I think it would be very weird if you didn’t say that!

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