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Original poster

Don't know if we should give DS condoms or not

86 replies

Monkeybrains192 · 10/12/2023 17:16

He's 14, in year 10. He's had a girlfriend for a few months now. They'll both be 15 next month. We've had lots of chats with him about sex, we've said he should really wait until they're both 16, he says they're not having sex yet and we asked him to come to us if that's going to change.

Should we get him some condoms though or will he see that as a green light from us? Can you tell this is our first teenager!

OP posts:
captaincalamari12 · 10/12/2023 17:20

Defo buy the condoms. He will say that they won't have sex 1) because it's what he thinks you want to heat and 2) because the thought of you know he's having sex is mortifying for him.

Fivepigeons · 10/12/2023 17:21

Thats a tricky one... could you maybe leave a box of condoms on the side in the bathroom.. and just keep them there. Then he will know there are condoms there if he ever wants to take one. But you won't have specifically given them to him so he won't see it as a green light.
Obviously 14 is very young but also you want to absolutely make sure that if it does happen they are using protection. Well done for not just sticking your head in the sand or thinking you telling them to wait is 100% actually going to work in making them wait.
Hopefully they will wait but yes its best to have contraception easily available on the off chance.

FatFatMary · 10/12/2023 17:22

I think at 15 they should be mature enough to buy them themselves

rubyslippers · 10/12/2023 17:23

they are much too young to deal with the emotional and physical aspects of a sexual relationship so I wouldn’t be pushing this at this age - have you talked about consent, pregnancy etc?
do you have any reason to believe he’s sexually active now?
It’s a minefield and it’s good he’s talking to you
but make sure he does know where to buy condoms from
there will also be sexual health clinic and they’re free from there
also if he thinks he is old enough to have sex he can buy them -

Loubelle70 · 10/12/2023 17:23

Granted my dd was 16 but i bought condoms and left them in her bedside drawer though i did tell her it's not condoning or pushing sex but when if they were sexually active, then use them. So yes i would. There was post on here with lad same age and he was going to be a dad..buy the condoms

CurlewKate · 10/12/2023 17:24

I had a basket on a shelf in the loo with condoms and tampons and some other bits and pieces. I made it clear to my children that they and their friends were welcome to help themselves no questions asked. It was bloody terrifying, but I'm glad I did.

CurlewKate · 10/12/2023 17:25

@FatFatMary just wondering how old your children are......

Singsonggsu · 10/12/2023 17:25

Teens can easily get condoms from school actually. Under 16 is against the law OP what about his gf - what do her parents think? I’d be fuming if my 14 yo DDs bf was given condoms by his mum. You can’t condone it by giving them to him, I think you’d be in the wrong. Tbh they’ll probably do what they like anyway regardless of what you say or give him. That’s teens for you!

FatFatMary · 10/12/2023 17:26

CurlewKate · 10/12/2023 17:25

@FatFatMary just wondering how old your children are......

I’ve got a teen close to that age

StrugglingwithmyMH · 10/12/2023 17:28

captaincalamari12 · 10/12/2023 17:20

Defo buy the condoms. He will say that they won't have sex 1) because it's what he thinks you want to heat and 2) because the thought of you know he's having sex is mortifying for him.

Yes and invasive

CeaselesslyIntoThePast · 10/12/2023 17:30

For goodness sake buy them.

MigGirl · 10/12/2023 17:32

DD was 15 last year with her first boyfriend. We bought condoms and put them in the bathroom cabinet and told her she could help herself. We made it clear we weren't condoning it but I would rather they where available rather then a unwanted pregnancy or STD's at that age.

Haggisfish3 · 10/12/2023 17:32

Buying condoms won’t encourage them to have. Sex. 🙄 but if they do choose to have aex, it will mean they are far more likely to practise safe sex and feel able to talk to you about it.

Hedjwitch · 10/12/2023 17:33

I think its young,but then mine were all "late starters" in relationships. If they are having sex then they need to know how to use contraception.

MigGirl · 10/12/2023 17:34

Singsonggsu · 10/12/2023 17:25

Teens can easily get condoms from school actually. Under 16 is against the law OP what about his gf - what do her parents think? I’d be fuming if my 14 yo DDs bf was given condoms by his mum. You can’t condone it by giving them to him, I think you’d be in the wrong. Tbh they’ll probably do what they like anyway regardless of what you say or give him. That’s teens for you!

Teenagers of this age and younger have sex, would you rather they have available protection or risky sexual acts. They don't need parents condoning it before hand they just do it anyway.

FatFatMary · 10/12/2023 17:34

Do you think your son would have unprotected sex ? That’s the issue whether you buy it or not. He might not use it

Sunflower8848 · 10/12/2023 17:34

If the girl is under 16 he could be accused of rape.

Wolfpa · 10/12/2023 17:41

I would just leave some in the bathroom and not make a big deal out of it

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/12/2023 17:44

Loubelle70 · 10/12/2023 17:23

Granted my dd was 16 but i bought condoms and left them in her bedside drawer though i did tell her it's not condoning or pushing sex but when if they were sexually active, then use them. So yes i would. There was post on here with lad same age and he was going to be a dad..buy the condoms

I agree - but remember there is an expiry date on them. It's also very important they know how to take them on and off properly so no sperm leaks out or this can result in pregnancy (speaking from experience!) perhaps print out a leaflet like this too. I'd also print out a leaflet and info about consent too

Original poster
Monkeybrains192 · 10/12/2023 17:44

Oh gosh, such mixed responses, no wonder we're confused!

I'll keep thinking and talking to him. I swear my grey hairs have doubled since they started seeing eachother!

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 10/12/2023 17:45

I think you should agree rules with the girls parents about how supervised they need to be etc as she is a child under your care while at your house

Peterpieper · 10/12/2023 17:48

Buy condoms, better safe than sorry.

dayone · 10/12/2023 17:50

Sunflower8848 · 10/12/2023 17:34

If the girl is under 16 he could be accused of rape.

Highly unlikely as they are the same age.
OP it sounds sensible to have some easily available to him and to let him Kia that they are there BUT you feel they are too young still so are not condoning it. It's not going to encourage him, but it's realistic to accept that teens have sex so supporting them to do it safely is really important.

FatFatMary · 10/12/2023 17:52

Instill a fear into him of getting a girl pregnant. He needs to understand statistics properly, even of a girl getting pregnant using hormonal contraception only

Stuckinarut23 · 10/12/2023 17:52

I would definitely make him aware about consent, under age sex and warn him that he could get into trouble etc and stress the importance of safe sex.

I would definitely tell not to rush things and for them to wait until both ready etc. But I would tell him I will keep condom's in this drawer etc but also tell him he can come to me anytime to talk. 15/16 is a common age to have sex and I'd they are going to do it they will.