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Original poster

Dealing with very competitive school mum

84 replies

Pennyapple · 07/12/2023 06:55

I thought my daughters bfs mum wanted to be friends. However only wants to meet for a cuppa to chat about my daughter, her extracurriculars, what she's doing in school etc.. Anything she finds out my child is doing she gets her daughter into by hook or crook.
For context both are top sets. Other mum left very high powered job & is very wealthy. Her dc's appear to be her projects.
I feel like she sees me & my daughters as rivals!

OP posts:
TheaBrandt · 07/12/2023 06:59

You could have some fun with this! Tell her about the mud wrestling and mandarin.

Alternatively you could turn it into a positive I had as great arrangement with a friend where we did alternate weeks for the hideous swimming lessons was great only going half the time.

Original poster
Pennyapple · 07/12/2023 07:06

@TheaBrandt I've tried being friendly but I just feel there's this competitive undertone. It doesn't help that my dd seems to be the teachers favourite this year.

OP posts:
MrsNandortheRelentless · 07/12/2023 07:07

Avoid.

Can you even be arsed?
It would majorly put me off having anything at all to do with her.

Way too much like hard work.

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Families
muchalover · 07/12/2023 07:14

She can only compete if you set up yourself on the other side of the net.

It's disappointing that it's accepted that teachers have favourites because it's your DD. Being the not favourite is massively damaging to those children. Or is it a humble brag?

Miloandfreddy · 07/12/2023 07:17

How on earth would you know that your DD is the teachers favourite? Sounds like you're as bad as her to be honest.

theduchessofspork · 07/12/2023 07:19

Just stop having a relationship with her

Be friendly but distant

The ref to your daughter being the teachers favourite is a bit odd BTW

pilates · 07/12/2023 07:20

I think I would gradually start pulling away and be very busy. At this time of year it is plausible.

CurlewKate · 07/12/2023 07:22

How do you know she's really competitive? What does she actually say?

Original poster
Pennyapple · 07/12/2023 07:23

muchalover · 07/12/2023 07:14

She can only compete if you set up yourself on the other side of the net.

It's disappointing that it's accepted that teachers have favourites because it's your DD. Being the not favourite is massively damaging to those children. Or is it a humble brag?

Why would it be a humble brag. I just thought I'd mention it as the mums competitive nature ramped up a notch this year & maybe the teacher has been a factor in this.

OP posts:
FourFourOne · 07/12/2023 07:32

Why do you think your daughter is the teacher’s favourite?

Finestreason · 07/12/2023 07:37

Talk about anything but your children. Talk incessantly about the weather. If she has no other interests or you have nothing else in common then what is the point other than a functional relationship built around organising your children’s mutual activities?

You can always make a bit of a sport out of winding her up by noticing her competitive weaknesses and pressing on them very carefully and with precise gentle effort. People who live vicariously through their children are tremendously vulnerable as they have weak ego strength. I’m not a sociopath.

HelpMeGetThrough · 07/12/2023 07:38

Why bother meeting her in the first place, she's nothing to you.

Finestreason · 07/12/2023 07:38

HelpMeGetThrough · 07/12/2023 07:38

Why bother meeting her in the first place, she's nothing to you.

She is vulnerable prey in a ruthless world.

Spinet · 07/12/2023 07:40

I've found this is fairly common. Not that my kids are remarkable but that every interaction is about competition (the rules of which vary but are weird and arbitrary). I don't engage with it and avoid the people who do it.

I would never interfere in my kids' friendships but don't have to be mates with their friends' parents. This is good because I can't be arsed with this competitive stuff at all.

CurlewKate · 07/12/2023 07:41

@Pennyapple What does she actually say?

Noghtsaving · 07/12/2023 07:42

Miloandfreddy · 07/12/2023 07:17

How on earth would you know that your DD is the teachers favourite? Sounds like you're as bad as her to be honest.

I did think this.

It may not be competition. It’s maybe just that her daughter likes being daughter, so she puts hers in things yours is doing.

I would not consider this competitive but suspect you may be if you have interpreted it like this.

00100001 · 07/12/2023 07:43

How do you know she's the teacher's favourite? Are you attending lessons too?

CaptainMyCaptain · 07/12/2023 07:45

Miloandfreddy · 07/12/2023 07:17

How on earth would you know that your DD is the teachers favourite? Sounds like you're as bad as her to be honest.

This.

If you don't like this woman just don't engage. No need to join in.

Jacfrost · 07/12/2023 07:46

Miloandfreddy · 07/12/2023 07:17

How on earth would you know that your DD is the teachers favourite? Sounds like you're as bad as her to be honest.

Exactly what I thought!

Original poster
Pennyapple · 07/12/2023 07:46

FourFourOne · 07/12/2023 07:32

Why do you think your daughter is the teacher’s favourite?

The mum in fact informed me my daughter was!

OP posts:
Noicant · 07/12/2023 07:48

Noghtsaving · 07/12/2023 07:42

I did think this.

It may not be competition. It’s maybe just that her daughter likes being daughter, so she puts hers in things yours is doing.

I would not consider this competitive but suspect you may be if you have interpreted it like this.

Show quote history

Yup, a mum I know put her DD in the same gym class as mine as the girls get on. Dd was delighted to see her there.

I know DD was her teacher’s favourite because the teacher told me but only after she stopped teaching DD. Would never have guessed or thought about it tbh.

Winterhater7 · 07/12/2023 07:49

I used to have a friend like this. Sometimes I’d hide the clubs he was doing so the mum wouldn’t copy. She was really nice, and I don’t think it came from a bad place, but it was like I’d do all the legwork and she’d join in.

It’s tailed off a bit now that they go to different primary schools, but I still keep a lot of things to myself.

CaptainMyCaptain · 07/12/2023 07:51

What is wrong with children's friends joining the same clubs? I don't see the problem.

Smugandproud · 07/12/2023 07:52

theduchessofspork · 07/12/2023 07:19

Just stop having a relationship with her

Be friendly but distant

The ref to your daughter being the teachers favourite is a bit odd BTW

My dd’s bf was definitely the teacher’s favourite one year. I knew this because dd told me the teacher called the bf Matilda as a compliment and dd and others were v. jealous. Teachers do have favourites.

Another dm was v. competitive but I actually felt sorry for her as it was so ridiculous. She was v. disappointed when her dd split up with her boyfriend and my dd had just started dating my now sil, she told me that she thought he would have been a good match for her dd! Our dd’s are mums now and the dm is a competitive dgp.
Sad really, we’re both fortunate imo.

Original poster
Pennyapple · 07/12/2023 07:53

It's the clubs, our holidays have been copied, she always asks my dd what book she's reading on playdates & gets the same for her child.. She's very involved with the school & seems quite passive aggressive that DH & I "don't chip in".. But we do we support & buy tickets for every single thing going on🙄

OP posts:
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