Desperate - newborn crying every time I put her down

[user2233]

Hi,

My one week old keeps crying every time I put her down in her next2me crib. She's been changed and fed and I've been sat up for the past two and a half hours trying to put her to sleep. When I manage to get her to sleep and finally put her back in her next2me she starts crying straight away.

I've been combination feeding and been giving her bottles during bedtime to help her sleep for a longer stretch.

What can I do? Feeling extremely sleep deprived as this has been going on for days and I've just had a little cry about it. Any suggestions? TIA

Does she have a dummy?

You can put a hot water bottle in the crib just before you pop her in, maybe the cold sheet is waking her up?? (Remove after you've put her in, obviously!)

Is the next to me crib too big for her? Some babies find it so... have you got a moses basket? Try that. Or failing that the car seat! I know some people from on that but my son around that age would only go off to sleep in his car seat! So I just put that by the bed and rocked it until he drifted off...
You could also try swaddling.
Some babies get very anxious just put down on their backs in what to them is a big space.. they are used to being held by you or scrunched up inside your belly. It's a very different environment for them.
I had a rocking stand for a moses basket which my daughter liked as a newborn...
Sometimes you have to try out a few different scenarios to find what will settle them.
It's a hard time I have sympathy! But it will get a bit better as your baby grows

My son started the crying four / five days after birth. He was very unsettled even when sleeping. We used a soother, but he screamed a lot anyway. It did help at night though. He would stay up for hours. Handholding him & rocking crib were good.

Roll up a top that you have worn and put it next to her.

I think the term is Velcro baby! My first was one and I’m hoping my next one isn’t as it is very hard. We gave in to it and coslept as I could not cope with the lack of sleep. We have had great sleep since we gave in and he just self serve breastfed 😅 but it wasn’t / isn’t ideal as it’s a hard habit to break. Tbf i know very few people who don’t end up with a toddler in their bed regardless of where they slept as infants… no real advice other than giving in for now and cosleeping or simply persisting with what you are doing and something will eventually work! It helped me to consider that baby had been literally inside me and it was possibly a bit of a stretch to expect him to sleep on his own. Taking shifts with my partner also helped - I went to bed after dinner then we swapped around 10/11 and I slept with baby. She got up early and took over to let me get a couple more hours of solo sleep before she went to work. He was happy to sleep on her just not alone. This got us through the crazy early days. Hope you get some rest. Be kind to yourself, you are recovering too.

Babies are so used to being curled up next to your heart that being on a cold surface away from you is scary. It's instinct to cry as in caveman days if they've been put down then a predator might come and eat them. Babies also need to wake and feed regularly at night to establish your milk supply. Do you have a partner to share nighttime roles with?

Try a moses basket so they feel more enclosed (but not a sleep positioner), and warming the mattress with a hot water bottle or heat pad then removing just as you lay them down. Try to get them in a deep sleep after about 20 minutes before laying down. Too early or too late mine would wake. Also putting them down bottom first often then lowering the rest of their body often helped with mine.

Please, please don't put them to sleep in the carseat. Newborns could only be in the carseat for a maximum of 30 minutes due to the risk of positional asphyxiation. The same with the bouncer or rocking chairs, their airway is too vulnerable for them to sleep in them.

If nothing is working then look up the Safe Sleep Seven for co-sleeping and try it.

DC2 was like this. I had to co-sleep or not get any sleep. It wasn't what I would have planned but it was the only way to survive. I looked at Lullaby Trist for guidance on the safest way. No pillows, DH in the spare room. I lay on my side facing her with my arm stretched out above her head. Actually ended up getting more sleep than I did with DC1 who didn't oversleep.

In the daytime I used a stretchy sling or tool her in the pram for a walk to get her to sleep.

My baby was a crier and the pressure you feel to stop them crying can be overwhelming. White noise combined with not faffing about worked.

For me, the more I picked him up, rocked him, held him, put him down, picked him up again, the more he cried. It’s completely natural for a baby to cry and some babies do cry more than others. It’s dangerous to have the mindset that you have to stop them crying because if you’ve tried everything and they still cry, what do you do?

If your baby is fed, winded, loved and clean try putting them down with some white noise. If they cry, don’t rush to pick them up.

@user2233 I agree with @Wrongsideofpennines Do not use your car seat for baby to sleep in. Very dangerous.

Do you have a partner/family member/friend who could either hold baby while you sleep or sit with you while you co sleep? (Co sleep was the only way I could get any sleep but I had my partner sit with me to make sure I didn’t roll on top of her). When I woke up she was being cuddled by her dad (my partner) on the couch and she finally wasn’t crying. I think it helped her bond with him because he sat with us as she breastfed and I fell asleep.

Other suggestions are swaddling, rocking her to sleep, pre warming her crib, sitting with her with your hand on her so she feels close to you, rocking her crib, playing white noise, cd with relaxation sounds like the beach/ocean, rain, trickling streams etc. sounds. Play relaxing music. While you sit with her relax your breathing and pretend to fall asleep.

Really loud white noise can help.

I ended up co-sleeping. I didn't plan to but I was hallucinating from lack of sleep.

I put a purflo nest in the next2me. I couldn't take anymore lack of sleep it wasn't safe for me or baby.

Also, want to add that if you need to give yourself a break or you are feeling overwhelmed, put your baby in her crib or (if you don’t have pets) on a floor mat where she is nice and safe. Then go and have a cup of tea, a shower or something to help you relax. It’s ok to let them cry for a little while. Take a 10 minute break every now and then throughout the day. A break not housework. You can let the housework slide.

Hang in there, it does get better. 💖

She's one week old, brand new out the packet. She's very confused to this loud, bright funny world which is so different to inside your tummy.

I know you're tired op, try and tag team if you can (you don't mention a partner but we used to do 4 hrly stints)I co slept with both of mine too.

You're doing a great job, easier days will come 🥰

I would wait a few weeks before combination feeding. At a few days old your milk supply isn’t established. For the first couple of weeks it is just eat, sleep and repeat regardless of whether it’s bf or formula. If they are dry and warm but awake and crying then feed.
They have tiny tummies that hold enough fuel for 2-3hrs. Just the act of feeding uses up so much energy.
BF through the night is so much easier. Go to bed early, take food and drink with you, put on the TV and just feed.
Babies don’t follow rules. In the first two weeks if they nap during the day you nap too. Discourage visitors so you can get as much rest during the day and baby isn’t being passed around like a parcel.

My DM was a midwife, she always maintained that BF in the first few weeks was natures way of making you rest after birth. No one else can do it and you are stuck with your feet up. If people want to help they can feed you and make you drinks.
It’s a very short time, take the opportunity to just snuggle down with your little one and bond.
After a couple of weeks you see feeding patterns emerging. DS started to go longer during the day, would cluster feed in the evening then I would get a few hours sleep from 11-2. BF at night was in low light and if he fell asleep I would wake him until he had fed for at least 30-40 mins Any less and he’d be awake again in an hour.
During the day if they sleep, you sleep too. After the first two weeks your body adjusts to short periods of regular sleep. It’s a real killer initially but don’t try and fight it.

Oh @user2233 I remember that phase well (and I promise it is a phase, no matter how endless it might feel right now!)

As others have said, please don’t use a car seat for sleeping, such dangerous advice!

With my DD we found it easiest to have her in shifts overnight so we both got a few hours of decent sleep. We also found my DH had far better luck getting her down in the next2me as he didn’t smell all lovely and milky etc. I was far too anxious to properly co-sleep even though both the HV and midwife reassured me, but it’s worth taking a look at La Leche safe sleep 7 (https://llli.org/news/the-safe-sleep-seven/) which has lots of great advice on how to do it safely. It gave me the confidence to feed DD lying down so I could doze during my shifts.

As awful as it feels now, I promise you it will pass. I remember the feeling of pure elation when I managed to put my Velcro baby down in the next2me for the first time. Be kind to yourself, these early days are so tough so don’t be afraid to ask for help from your partner or friends and family.

No advice but I’m in the same position. Currently awake with my 5 day old. He sleeps fine in his bed in the day but just wants to feed be cuddled all night long.
Wakes up as soon as I put him down.

Are you able to nap during the day to get in sleep when you can? That’s what I’ve been doing and it’s the only thing helping me get through the nights.

Mine were like this. Just co sleep. It's what we've evolved to do.

I saw someone yesterday with a vibration device attached to her stroller. She said her little one loved it. I think it might have the same soothing effect that riding in the car has for some babies.

I believe there are some that are made for the next2me. Might be worth a try.

Yes, so did I. Little babies like being next to their mothers and to feel her heartbeat, it's what they have been used to. You can co-sleep safely and your baby will feel secure.

The stroller thing is called a Rockit https://rockitrocker.com/ fyi

It might be too big for her.

Switch it out for the Moses basket for a few months.

We didn't use the next to me for 4 months!

@user2233 @Lem0nie

Is it just in the night you're both having most difficulty putting baby down?

My first was a winter baby too and it took me aaaages to work out that baby wasn't staying down in the Next2Me at night because they were cold so just wanted heat seeking cuddles and a belly full of warm ling mummy milk all night. My second is 7m now and if the temp drops below 18.5 they won't stay down for more than 30mins (they're in a vest, sleepsuit and 2.5tog).

Have you considered that at all? What's your room temp like at night? What do your babies wear to bed?

Also congratulations to you both 🥰

Sending you lots of virtual hugs, it's exhausting I know. My 2nd DD was like this. She definitely was a baby who needed to be held or rocked to sleep, but I do think the cold crib was part of it when she was a newborn. I had to just get her to sleep in any way I could and then try to make a transfer. She was a 40 min sleeper as well so I was knackered!
Try to get as much help as you can in the night and the day, and sleep whenever you can. Xxx

Ah, honey. Congratulations on your baby.

Look up the fourth trimester, it may help you understand better what's going on. You've had great advice already, and I'd add that safe Co sleeping is your friend here. The car seat isn't though!

You can't function on such little sleep. So, who can you get to help you? Get someone to come and see to the baby while you sleep. Ask for help. If you had a decent stretch of sleep today, you'll be better placed to deal with tonight. I know asking for help is not what anyone wants to do, but sometimes, needs must.

It won't last forever, bit right now if feels hellish. Lots of us have been where you are. It does get easier.

Re Car Seat -I thought young babies should not be put in cars seats at all?