How many siblings do you have and has that been a positive or negative for you?

[Whatsgoingonwithmyhead]

I’ll start.

2 siblings, all very close in age

Growing up we didn’t play together loads and certainly from age 8/9 onwards we just played with our own school friends and I didn't interact with my siblings much.
(This was party probably influenced by the fact my parents didn’t do stuff to help us bond, e.g. we didn’t really go on family holidays or have shared hobbies or interests)

Money was quite tight with three kids in the house so I didn’t get to do stuff I would have liked e.g. I was desperate to do ice-skating as a child but my parents couldn’t afford it / manage the logistics so I didn’t get to do it.

As an adult my sister has mental health issues and is hugely reliant on my mum, meaning I never get to spend any time with my mum without my sister (they live together and mum refuses to leave sister home alone to come and visit me, I now live the other side of the country so it’s an overnight trip). So it’s massively impacted my relationship with my mum & not in a good way.

My younger brother moved far away and does his own thing / isn’t very communicative so I don’t have much to do with him at all, although he’s pleasant enough.

So overall although my siblings are good people, I don’t understand at all when people say a child needs siblings.

One brother 12 months younger, got on really well as children especially as our parents liked to move a lot so it was good to have a constant. As we grew older we grew apart, I now think he is probably ND and he has never settled down or had dc. He has had a lot of issues and our parents support him a lot. I do my best when they go away. He is really ill atm and it is very upsetting as he does not do any self care and he is almost 60.
I have 4dc, the 2 eldest had to share a room and I am really lucky they look out for each other but none of them are planning more than 2 dc.

None, and I've always been perfectly happy. I dreaded dealing with my (divorced) parents as they got old, but it turned out to be easier than I thought it would be. I've seen most of my friends, who have siblings, having to deal with their parents mostly alone also, due to being the only one in the same locality.

My exDH had one brother. They were never really close, and have had little to do with each other for over 20 years, and I doubt that will ever change. The first time he met his adult nephews was when his DF was dying.

1. Various ages. All get along ok really. I'm

Closer to one than the others two.

One brother, 2 and a half years younger. He was a bloody annoying child. We fought like cat and dog. Now we are in our 40s. His two kids also fought like cat & dog. I have an only, but she has lots of honorary sisters. My brother and I might not talk for months, or even only once a year, but even though he's an insufferable know-it-all full of unsolicited advice I still the live the f--cking dickhead.

I am a only child. When I was younger I used to wish I had a sibling because I didn't live in the same town as my school so didn't get to see any of my school friends outside of school time. My mother is very demanding and I had to do a lot of things for her up until I was 30 when for many reasons I stopped talking to her. I used to wish I had a sibling to share the burden of my mother with me. However, now that is no longer an issue I am glad I do not have any siblings. My Dad is one of 5 and very rarely speaks to any of his siblings because it is always hassle when he does. Since his mum died 12 years ago all of the siblings drifted apart and now only speak to each other if they have to.

I have one sister. We were not close as children. I always wished she would play with me, but she is very antisocial and angry and preferred to lock herself in her room. As an adult she has extreme, conspiracy theory type ideas and gets very upset if anyone disagrees with her. She's racist and does not approve of my husband as he is from a different background to us. Now she has fucked off and left me to look after our elderly parents with dementia on my own.

Sometimes I feel terrible that I haven't been able to give my son a sibling. But I console myself that there's no guarantee they would get on, or that one of of them wouldn't be a complete arse like my sister.

I’m one of 5 (3 brothers and a sister). My childhood was busy and chaotic, lots of family time - holidays, days out and so on, lots of love but lots of anger and finding our way. Wasn’t very close to my siblings growing up and we get on now but not super-close. Might see them once a month if that. We love each other and are supportive of one another’s lives. It’s nice being part of a large family in that there is always someone to call on and you feel networked in close relationships. But lots of my childhood I longer to have more of my parents attention and care. I am one and done - though there is a step-sister for my daughter so she isn’t strictly an ‘only.’

I’m the third of 4 siblings. Generally got on pretty well growing up, and still love their company as adults.

Talk to my sister most days. Brothers live further away so not quite as close but get on well.

We all felt loved growing up, although it was quite busy and maybe from other people’s perspectives there were some downsides. Not from mine, I loved it. It was fun.

I have one sibling, who is NC with me and all other family. She was never particularly nice to me growing up. We would occasionally play when we were children, but it was always on her terms. I yearned for her to want to include me more or be nice to me. My friends could never (and still don't understand) why I would love us to have a relationship. I have never wished that she didn't exist or thought that it would have been better to have been an only child. Unfortunately, however, my sister is gravely ill. She's an alcoholic with end stage liver failure. My father is also terminally ill. It's so hard going through this on my own. Instead of having a sibling to share the worry and responsibility of my parents with, instead I have the added worry of worrying constantly about her too and the impact of her illness upon my parents. Looking back now, I really wish that I had a third sister. One who gets on well with me and has children so that my kids have cousins. I'd just love to be able to talk to someone who grew up with the same parents, went to the same school etc and had so many shared experiences. It's difficult but it is what it is and I am lucky to have great friends, a wonderful husband and beautiful healthy children.

Just to add that this is a really good thread and I feel actually a lot better for knowing that there are others in the same situation as me ( a poor relationship with their troubled sibling whom they also worry about), whilst also worrying about parents.

@Carsarelife

I'm really sorry to hear that. That must be very difficult and sad for you. X

I have no siblings and it is a huge negative in my life. I have no children of my own either (through circumstance) so am now facing an extremely lonely future. I do have a partner, but he is an only child too. It's hard. I would love to be part of a family and have that feeling of 'roots' and a support network.

@Bernardmanning yes it's been a tough year and coming up to first anniversary of his death in a few days. I've bought an ashes ring to make myself feel better then i know he's always with me. Through each decision I have to make. The hardest part now is dealing with our parents alone as they are more difficult than ever, I've realised that and the worst bit is going the next 30-40 years without him in my life

I have an older sister (6 years) and younger brother (2 years). We all get on amazingly well, go for holidays together, WhatsApp daily, we've always been close. I think my parents were good at treating us all fairly. Despite being older my sister was really happy to get siblings and she used to play with us quite a bit then when she was 18 and I was 12 she was the coolest big sister who would lend me clothes and do my make up. I actually moved out of home first so that helped too! My brother is closer to my age so we played together loads, used to walk to school together and even had best friends who were brother and sister so the 4 of us used to play together in the holidays.
Now we all have 2 kids each and the cousins get on really well too, my eldest speaks to my nephew every single day and we see them every week as we live nearby. My brother lives further away but it would be the same if he was closer. I love all my nephews and nieces and feel really lucky to be close to them.

One younger brother, fought like cat and dog until our very late teens and still have our moments now. He has additional needs so will be 100% my responsibility when our parents pass. My child is an only child partly for this reason.

I am a firm believer (because of my sibling relationship) that children don’t need siblings.

I’m an only child and used to have actual nightmares about my mum being pregnant 😅But now I have an only child and he doesn’t have any cousins or anyone in the family close to his age. I sometimes look at people with big families and think that it would be more fun for him if he had a whole big clan. But we do make up with it with lots of friends and time hanging out in a big group so the kids can run around feral!

I was just talking to my sister about this the other day. I cried when I was told I was getting a sibling. But I honestly don’t know how I would’ve made it through this life without her. She is my best friend.

I was an only child who got step siblings in my teens and we all get on well. I always wanted to have siblings and was determined that I would not have an only child. That said, life doesn’t always work out the way you want it to and I know plenty of happy only children, I just didn’t enjoy it and would not actively have chosen it. I know my two have always been great company for each other, although they do bicker a lot!

I had this conversation with DH recently as we plan on being one and done. I agree with you, I don’t think a child needs a sibling.

I’m an only child. I don’t think it negatively affected me at all and I never felt that I was missing out. I had good friends both in and out of school and enjoyed seeing cousins when we visited family.

DH has a sister, but they’ve had a complicated relationship and he ultimately chose to go NC. They haven’t spoken in a few years now and I don’t think that’s likely to change. People like to say ‘a sibling is a friend for life’ but it’s not a guarantee!

DH and I come from exceptionally dysfunctional backgrounds mine involved CSA from a sibling. I don’t speak to any of my family. DH’s family members, with the exception of FIL, are nice people doing their best but it is all dysfunctionally fraught so relationships are very managed. I wish sibling relationships were easier.

One brother, 15 months apart , as its been awful in recent years. We were as close as twins growing up and we are polar opposites,
Drinker vs non drinker
Drug user vs never user
Gambler vs light dabbler in teens
Intelligent but academically not vs high academic
Dependent vs independent

And all the above traits have now yielded a non existant relationship even though we live a couple of roads apart.

I wish he was never my brother given what he's like now in his 40s .

I have one sister, 3 years younger. Close as children, not as teenagers and very close as adults.

my children are 2.5 years apart, now 4 and 7 and whilst they have different interests and don’t play together all the time (boy/girl) they adore each other. We do lots of family activities, they do activities together (a drama class etc) and they really do have a lovely relationship. I don’t believe children need siblings but it can be a special relationship. My mum is 70 and sees her sister every week, goes away with her. Her other siblings she sees now and again but talks to all the time.

One younger sister, who I really didn’t get on with as a kid. She always wanted to play with my friends/be involved/centre of attention etc. She is still like this, and loves the focus to be on her. We got a bit closer as we reached early twenties, then I had children she became a doting aunty to them. HOWEVER, last 6 months we’ve had about 2 conversations, and she’s not seen the boys since July. I’ve given up now as she’s turning more into our estranged mother every day. Cannot take the lies, excuses or bullshit.

Our boys are just short of 2 years age difference, and they have a great relationship. Yes they bicker occasionally, but nothing huge and usually playing again within 15 minutes.

I think it really depends on the type of family dynamic you want, and ultimately instil in them. We’ve really tried to do the opposite to how we were both brought up which was an abusive (mentally and physically) way. Our youngest is the most affectionate, loving little boy who constantly tells you he loves you. And our oldest always wants to be involved in what you’re doing, and gives the best hugs.

1 sibling, we're not close though I don't dislike them we just have nothing in common. They are the golden child in my parents' eyes so in that respect it's a negative. We played together sometimes as very young children but they were often quite cruel in their games, it was more usual that we played alone
DP is an only child but has sibling like relationships with friends he grew up with. We each have several close friends who have extremely close, supportive, best friend relationships with their sibling(s) so we feel a little sad and hope that our friends will act as aunts and uncles when we have DC (we make a huge effort with friends' children too)