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Original poster

How many siblings do you have and has that been a positive or negative for you?

151 replies

Whatsgoingonwithmyhead · 30/11/2023 09:07

I’ll start.

2 siblings, all very close in age

Growing up we didn’t play together loads and certainly from age 8/9 onwards we just played with our own school friends and I didn't interact with my siblings much.
(This was party probably influenced by the fact my parents didn’t do stuff to help us bond, e.g. we didn’t really go on family holidays or have shared hobbies or interests)

Money was quite tight with three kids in the house so I didn’t get to do stuff I would have liked e.g. I was desperate to do ice-skating as a child but my parents couldn’t afford it / manage the logistics so I didn’t get to do it.

As an adult my sister has mental health issues and is hugely reliant on my mum, meaning I never get to spend any time with my mum without my sister (they live together and mum refuses to leave sister home alone to come and visit me, I now live the other side of the country so it’s an overnight trip). So it’s massively impacted my relationship with my mum & not in a good way.

My younger brother moved far away and does his own thing / isn’t very communicative so I don’t have much to do with him at all, although he’s pleasant enough.

So overall although my siblings are good people, I don’t understand at all when people say a child needs siblings.

OP posts:
LittleBlueUnicorn · 30/11/2023 12:21

5 and very negative. Wish I had had none. Don’t speak to any of them.

mindutopia · 30/11/2023 12:25

I am essentially an only child, which has been fine. I do have an older half brother (my dad's son from a previous relationship), but he was nearly an adult when I was born, never lived with us, and I haven't seen him since just after my dad died over 20 years ago. I have never really had an interest in a relationship with him. He's not awful, but he's not particularly nice either. I have no sadness about having never had an adult relationship with him.

I am NC with my mum now. I think as an adult, I'm probably grateful for not having any siblings. My family situation is complicated enough. I think I am glad to be able to make a clean break and not have to also balance sibling relationships too (would they take my mum's side and I'd have to go NC with them too, would they want to keep the peace and maintain a relationship with both of us?). In my ideal world, I'd have a sibling who'd fully support me and totally understand the family dynamics that led me to being NC, but I think life is usually much messier than that. I think it would just add an extra level of issues, so I'm happy to have been an only child.

MilkChocolateCookie · 30/11/2023 12:27

I have one brother, close in age. We argued a lot as kids. As adults we are very different in terms of interests and personality and we don't see each other often, but I know he'd be there for me in an emergency. So I guess a lukewarm positive overall.

DH has one brother, he lives abroad and they haven't seen each other for years. He has very much NOT been there for DH in an emergency (related to their parents), DH is having to deal with everything himself and it's worse than being an only child when you have a sibling who is no help at all. Literally not even a phone call.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
Iateallllllthepies · 30/11/2023 12:34

Only child. Very negative for me.

Now I am the only one caring for a parent with dementia (other parent died when I was 12). There is no other family and it’s draining. My dad was 47 when I was born so I am having to deal with him in my early 40s (he’s 89, we gone assumes I am in my 60s and retired with grown children).

I feel very alone too now that he’s “gone” (still alive but might as well be dead, he’s just a body that sits staring ahead).

Also had a very lonely childhood watching my parent die of cancer, and then having to spend the rest of my life being the only one dealing with my dads mental health issues after she died.

I know sibling relationships are sometimes awful, but it would have given me a fitting chance of not having to navigate this hell alone.

Kpo58 · 30/11/2023 12:34

I have 0 siblings. I was very lonely as a child due to not having anyone to play with/talk to most of the time.

GrouchyKiwi · 30/11/2023 12:45

I have 6 siblings. We all get on extremely well, though obviously had occasional issues growing up, as all people do.

Jewelspun · 30/11/2023 12:49

I've got an older sister and brother and a younger sister. All close in ages and we all get in great and always have done except for a few squabbles as teenagers over borrowing clothes, jewellery and make up etc. My brother is adored and as adults have a very strong bond.

We also have great relationships with our cousins.

Our childhood was outdoorsy and that definitely is a great environment for all getting along than when you're cooped up
Indoors.

Mariposista · 30/11/2023 12:49

None - only child.

My mum is one of 4, and having seen what she has gone through caring for my poor gran before she died, I am glad to be an only child. I've drawn the conclusion that large families suck! (I am sure there are some great supportive ones). I have flown back from my home overseas 11 times in a year to help care for Gran and organise her affairs while the rest have 'lived their lives'.
Rant over. Won't be having a large family myself. Poor gran.

HolySkirts · 30/11/2023 12:57

CharityShopChic · 30/11/2023 09:18

One sister. I do think though that this is a bit of a pointless thread as you can't alter how many siblings you have, and you have no way of knowing what your life would have been like with more or fewer brothers and sisters.

It is what it is.

I think this is fair. Being the eldest of a large family has been a negative for me, but primarily because my parents couldn't cope with the number of children they had, and could in fact barely feed and house us. Our childhood was very poor, very overcrowded, with little or no individual attention, and we felt we continually competed for scarce resources.

As a result, as adults, we keep our distance from one another, and only one of us has chosen to have children, and that child is an only child.

I can't say I wish I'd been an only child, because I don't know what that would have been like, but I can confidently say that fewer siblings, even much fewer, would have been better for everyone.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake · 30/11/2023 13:00
  1. 3 sisters and 2 brothers. We are not overly close, but always there for each other when we need someone. We recently lost our dad, and I honestly couldn't have got through it without them.
Snowpake · 30/11/2023 13:01

Iateallllllthepies · 30/11/2023 12:34

Only child. Very negative for me.

Now I am the only one caring for a parent with dementia (other parent died when I was 12). There is no other family and it’s draining. My dad was 47 when I was born so I am having to deal with him in my early 40s (he’s 89, we gone assumes I am in my 60s and retired with grown children).

I feel very alone too now that he’s “gone” (still alive but might as well be dead, he’s just a body that sits staring ahead).

Also had a very lonely childhood watching my parent die of cancer, and then having to spend the rest of my life being the only one dealing with my dads mental health issues after she died.

I know sibling relationships are sometimes awful, but it would have given me a fitting chance of not having to navigate this hell alone.

I’m so sorry to hear this. I have been through the same. It’s awful. Sending you solidarity and love ❤️

haden · 30/11/2023 13:04

I have 3 siblings, 2 sisters and 1 brother. I am nc with them and my parents now.

My parents didn't have the resources for 4 dc, financial or time. We lived in a 3 bed flat and I shared a room with my sisters. My brother had his own room, as the only boy. At one stage my grandmother came to live with us, so we had 3 sisters plus gran in one room which made no sense looking back. My parents were on a low single income as my dad was disabled so we didn't have much money coming in, or time to do nice things as a family.

I am a private person so sharing a room was horrible as a teen. I got out as soon as I could - I moved out to go to uni and never lived there again.

I don't argue with my siblings but I've never had anything in common with them and don't align with their values. I only ever used to see them at family gatherings , we'd never have chats or meet up to do things as we have completely different interests and I found them often quite negative in their judgement. So I am happier not having their negativity around me.

tortoiseshellcats · 30/11/2023 13:09

3 - we had a difficult childhood so became very close as a result, I still see them often and we all get along well. The only negative is how much I worry about them!

Mardyybum · 30/11/2023 13:10

One brother and one sister for me. Only 18 months between my sister and I and we bickered constantly until I was about 25 and then suddenly a switch clicked and now we are best friends 😂
Always been close to my brother (I’m 5 years older than him) He’s just moved abroad and I will admit to having a little cry most days because I miss him so much.
I honestly can’t imagine life without siblings and always feel a bit sorry for only children (even though they’re probably just fine without siblings!)

Verv · 30/11/2023 13:32

Only child and I loved it when I was younger. Ive always been quite insular/independent so liked spending time by myself and was never bored.

Got harder when my mum got sick with cancer and I gave up work to look after her for a couple of years as my dad was working and earning a lot more than me. When she died it left me and my dad which was difficult as I had to deal with his grief singlehandedly.

He went blind during covid, and im the only person around to look after / out for him.
Even then, im not sure the relief of responsibility is enough to make me wish for a sibling.

tobee · 30/11/2023 13:52

1 older sister. Less than two years. She's very strong willed and thinks I'm deliberately wilfully going against her a lot of the time - im just using my own judgment etc. But she's always included me in lots of things. Doing things with her peer group for example. We're pretty close but can argue a lot. Always try to be there for each other in times of crisis or worry. Went on holiday together this year and enjoy going out together

PollyPeep · 30/11/2023 13:56

My siblings are a huge source of joy and comfort to me! We have close bonds and I can't imagine not having them in my life, which is why we chose to have more than one child. Mumsnet seems to skew towards people who have negative relationships with their siblings but in my own life I don't really know anyone who doesn't have, at the worst, a neutral relationship with their siblings. Most seem to be positive.

Roadtomandalay · 30/11/2023 14:03

I have 1 sibling. Fell out a lot growing up. Now we are not in contact. So I'm effectively an only child but with the added stress. Would rather have been an only child from the beginning, or have two siblings so I would still have one at least. :(

RaraRachael · 30/11/2023 14:08

One sister - 8 and a half years older than me. We grew up virtually as only children and have never been close. I was academic and she wasn't so have always earned more. She seems to have had a lifelong chip on her shoulder although she's probably now got more money than me due to having sold property and moved to a cheaper area - and she got much more from my mother's will than I did, (because I brought shame on her by getting divorced). Yes she really was that old fashioned and narrow minded.
I've actually stopped contacting her as all her messages are nosey, critical or argumentative and I'm feeling better at not having that stress in my life.
I have 3 and a half years between my two and they get on really well.

MintJulia · 30/11/2023 14:13

Four siblings.

As a child it meant no privacy, and not enough of anything else. We competed for everything and saw each other as rivals.

As grown ups, now with enough space, food, resources, money, love, privacy, we get on ok, and form a loose bu fairly supportive family.

Esgaroth · 30/11/2023 14:22

1 younger brother, about 2.5 years younger. We fought a lot, but also played a lot and laughed a lot. Now we don't fight anymore and get on great. He's a good friend and we can always make each other laugh - we have very similar senses of humour.
We live in different countries so don't see each other that often but I'm very glad to have him.

Mihijita · 30/11/2023 14:22

I have a brother and 5 half siblings. I’m close with my brother but he has mental health issues so it limits what we can do and he will always need a degree of looking after. I’m not close with my half siblings, they are nice enough but we don’t have anything in common and I didn’t see them growing up because my Dad was a bit useless. I don’t see the point in forcing the relationship and neither do they.
I have one DD now, I don’t feel any pressure to give her a sibling because I don’t think it’s enriched my life in any way. DH is close with his 3 siblings but he also feels the same way. It’s interesting.

Burpcloth · 30/11/2023 14:40

Interesting to hear the number of people with difficult childhoods and poor sibling relationships. My experience was different. I'm one of 3. Whilst we're not hugely close now (we value catching up when we do though), I can see now as an adult, how important their presence was during a challenging childhood. It's easy to assume things are normal in families when you're a kid - I think I'd have been a lot worse off without the validation of a sibling's "wtf" expression during particular moments.

emsmum79 · 30/11/2023 14:47

0 siblings. Very positive. I'm very close to my parents and have had lots of friends throughout my life.
Now that my parents are getting older I have the support of an aunt and uncle as well as my husband.

ifonly4 · 30/11/2023 15:00

None. Growing up I would have liked the company and it would be a great support now if I had a sibling as my Mum isn't easy. Other than that, I don't feel the need for one.

DH one of four. They don't speak to eachother, but all speak to us. DH gets sick of being caught in the middle, can't mention his DS to either DB as they get angry about her, DS asks if we've seen either of them and then wants more info, which we know they don't want us to tell her.