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Original poster

How many siblings do you have and has that been a positive or negative for you?

151 replies

Whatsgoingonwithmyhead · 30/11/2023 09:07

I’ll start.

2 siblings, all very close in age

Growing up we didn’t play together loads and certainly from age 8/9 onwards we just played with our own school friends and I didn't interact with my siblings much.
(This was party probably influenced by the fact my parents didn’t do stuff to help us bond, e.g. we didn’t really go on family holidays or have shared hobbies or interests)

Money was quite tight with three kids in the house so I didn’t get to do stuff I would have liked e.g. I was desperate to do ice-skating as a child but my parents couldn’t afford it / manage the logistics so I didn’t get to do it.

As an adult my sister has mental health issues and is hugely reliant on my mum, meaning I never get to spend any time with my mum without my sister (they live together and mum refuses to leave sister home alone to come and visit me, I now live the other side of the country so it’s an overnight trip). So it’s massively impacted my relationship with my mum & not in a good way.

My younger brother moved far away and does his own thing / isn’t very communicative so I don’t have much to do with him at all, although he’s pleasant enough.

So overall although my siblings are good people, I don’t understand at all when people say a child needs siblings.

OP posts:
desperatemum24 · 01/12/2023 06:58

I had 2 elder siblings. Both 5+ years older than me and were horrible to me growing up. I was basically an irritant who they took pleasure in making cry. My eldest sister died in her twenties which obviously had a massive impact on our family. I left home at 19, I couldn't wait to get out.

My other sister and I were close for a few years when my dc were young but she started reverting back to her meanness, Shitty comments, telling me off. I backed away massively and now see her maybe three times a year.

Having siblings definitely didn't benefit me, but I had rubbish parents too so I suspect I would have been very lonely without them.

cantbecaught · 01/12/2023 06:58

One sister who has shaped who I am and is my biggest fan and supporter. She'd say the same about me.

Cotswoldmama · 01/12/2023 07:24

I had a full sister, we were always quite different and didn't really play alone together but would play together with all the kids in the street. Then at about 7 my mum met my step dad and he had 2 daughters too and so I then had 2 step sisters, we got along on and off! Then when I was 12 and the 14 I had a half sister and half brother. I loved having much younger siblings but I hated being relayed upon to help and spent more and more time at friends houses and I must admit really wanted more attention from my mum. I have 2 boys and wouldn't have more. I like that they have each other and they have as mu h attention that my husband and I can give.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
SheilaFentiman · 01/12/2023 07:39

One brother, a couple of years older. He is one of my favourite people in the world.

LovelaceBiggWither · 01/12/2023 08:00

One sister a year older. She was a controlling bully for all my childhood and has been hideous to me as adults. She suddenly cut me and our parents off a couple of years ago. Started speaking to my parents again but I remain frozen out. It's actually a relief and I don't know what I will do when she inevitably tries to get my mother to get me to speak to her. I am hoping I will have the strength to say nah fuck off.

Peacheroo · 01/12/2023 13:39

I'm an only. I hated it and felt lonely and jealous of my friends who had this amazing friend that was always there. I promised I would have more than one child but life being what it is, I have one and won't be having any more. She also hates it. I think it's made me less sociable although when I was younger I think it made me a bit clingy. That's not to say I had a bad time of it etc. i just imagine that siblings would have made it better.

I would say it's also made me less socially able - that being said I know lots of people who have siblings who are much less socially able than me so it's likely irrelevant.

I'm also well aware that not all siblings are friends. My parents have siblings. One many years apart and one is a middle with less than two years above and below. Neither of them have good relationships and if not NC, very close to it. The grass is always greener so it seems.

Drhow · 01/12/2023 13:42

One brother who is 6 years younger. Hated him growing up because he was absolutely awful. He completely terrorised me from about 2 onwards. Examples of this include pouring pink nail polish in my hair, throwing a heavy metal toy car at my head, hitting me over the head with a pool cue and smashing my beloved snow globes up. I hated him. Moved out at 16 so he was 10 and I’ve barely seen him since.

He’s mellowed out a lot now in adulthood and seems like an alright guy but I still don’t have much to do with him, I moved away so I just don’t see family much.

GladioliandSweetPeas · 01/12/2023 13:48

One, 4 years older than me. Definitely a positive when we were little but now we don't get along and haven't since he became a teen.

I only have one child and wanted more but my DH left me. Been single since. I feel guilty for not giving her a sibling, every single day

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 01/12/2023 13:52

I'm an only. It made me feel special. But I was surrounded by adults as a child, which had positives and negatives. Kids need other kids to mix with. I've always been better with one or two others rather than in a group - have had to work hard to get social skills. My DH has two siblings. He's the eldest and isn't interested in them and hardly ever sees them. I've got two Dch and they don't get on.

Regalhen · 01/12/2023 14:06

I have a twin sister but we've not been close since we were under 12 years old. We are completely different people and don't share similar values.

She bullied me from the age of 13 or so and treated me with contempt pretty much since then - she went through puberty three years before I did, so I guess that she felt she was 'older' more grown up than me

As adults we are not close at all. When I went through dv and being a single parent, she sided with my ex husband; probably because he was abusive to me, not in spite of this. We don't really have a relationship now

Ironically, my sister has done well out of having a sibling, as I shared my friendship group with her as my sister had no friends growing up. She met her husband through the group. When I became a lone parent, she encouraged them to drop contact with me

I have one child, and am glad

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 01/12/2023 14:10

Also, as an only, it's made me very happy in my own company and able to entertain myself. I only feel lonely when DH is around and doesn't interact with me!

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 01/12/2023 14:16

I'm one of 4. I'm the youngest by a considerable way (parents very open I was an unwanted accident). It's been a tale of two halves.

Our parents were violent, abusive alcoholic drug addicts. As a very young child having siblings was literally a life saver. All of us intervened to help another at some point.
When I was 7 we were taken by our grandparents. We were all very close. As I was so much younger my eldest brother and his wife were like an Aunt and Uncle more than siblings for a long time.

However, my eldest brother took up drinking. Then when our father was dying he declared we were all to spend time with him. I refused. After a lot of arguing and threats, he has basically turned into our father in how he treats people, I've had to be NC with all of them. My brother for turning into a violent thug that abuses his wife and children, and my other brother and sister for going down the "That's just X, you know what he's like, he's just stressed..." route of trying to make it acceptable.

WhichIsItWendy · 01/12/2023 14:18

Two siblings, fairly close in age.

We played as kids. Had sleepovers with friends together and generally kept each other company.

As adults, we see eachother regularly and each have kids who are now great friends. We go on holidays together once a year as a big family.

We had periods of plenty of money and times of hardship. We did lots of clubs and activities which I'm grateful for. But also had plenty of TV days.

I have three young children myself now and they adore each other and are undoubtedly positive influences on each other.

So for me, siblings are very positive.

DoThePropeller · 01/12/2023 14:19

Five. Very positive. We all live within a few miles of each other and it was a very warm loving home. I have three children and would love more but feel stretched already!

JaninaDuszejko · 01/12/2023 14:19

I had three siblings and it was a very positive experience. We grew up in a rambling farmhouse so plenty of space inside and out and my parents were comfortable and we had more (clothes, things, space, holidays) than most of my friends. Because Dad was a farmer and was around all day we spent a lot of time with both parents. It was all very idyllic. We still all get on well as adults and go on holiday together etc.

LunaTheCat · 01/12/2023 14:22

One sister. 2 year age gap. She was my soulmate. Lovely , close relationship. She died 10 years ago. I miss her every day.

Work2live · 01/12/2023 14:23

I'm an only child. Overall I've found it positive.

I vaguely remember feeling a bit of an odd one out as a child, because I was one of two only children in my large class at school. But it never really bothered me and I never felt lonely.

I enjoy it as an adult too, our family is small and close, but I appreciate I'm fortunate that my mum isn't too elderly yet, and maybe I'll feel differently in 10-20 years. Then again, I'm currently watching (and helping) her deal with my grandma's slow decline as my uncle lives an hour away and does very little to help.

WhichIsItWendy · 01/12/2023 14:26

I think what this thread shows is that it really doesn't matter if you're an only child or one of twenty.

Being happy, having social skills, support and friendship really isn't dictated by if you have a sibling.

Lots of siblings are best friends. Lots hate each other. Same as anything.

What I do think is important, is how you raise your kids. Don't have favourites. Make sure you treat them fairly, promote kindness amongst them and encourage healthy relationships when they're older. A lot of how siblings relate is down to their parenting I think.

JaninaDuszejko · 01/12/2023 14:26

LunaTheCat · 01/12/2023 14:22

One sister. 2 year age gap. She was my soulmate. Lovely , close relationship. She died 10 years ago. I miss her every day.

❤I'm so sorry, that must be awful.

BebbanburgIsMine · 01/12/2023 14:30

One brother who has bullied me my entire life.

I have nothing to do with him any more.

I have two adult DDs, and they are quite close.

RaraRachael · 01/12/2023 19:26

I'd love to have had a close sister so that we could socialise together. Any time I tried to do this with my sister she always claimed she had no money. We really have nothing in common except having been born to the same parents.

Toddlerteaplease · 01/12/2023 19:27

One sister, 15 months younger than me. We get on really well. We are completely chalk and cheese. She's great. (Even if hate her hairstyle!)

dixeypeach · 01/12/2023 19:37

2 siblings
Brother 15 months younger
Sister 10 years younger

Growing up I was kind of close to my brother as we had the same friendship group. Even as adults now we chat most days and I see him and his family often.

Hated my sister when she came along lol right up until she was 18. I had my first 3 children young and she was 7 when my first was born so she was more like a sister than an aunt to them. We are extremely close now.

SiennaMillar · 01/12/2023 19:38

One. Negative

Itslookinggood · 01/12/2023 19:46

It is a relief to read this thread. I seem to be surrounded by people who are close to their siblings.

eldest of four kids born within 5 years. 2 x narcissistic parents. Mother resented me. Lots of physical and emotional abuse. Bullied by one brother, who was supported by parents.

the 2 boys both heroes and golden children, then my sister, the youngest, was total.ly neglected. Unspoken competition for parents’ attention.

but on top of all that was a narrative of ‘we’re a family’, going to church etc. family Christmas. headfryingly confusing.

I’m only just unpicking it now in therapy. Couldn’t work out why we weren’t close. Now I know.

so a negative from me.

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