Middle class families seem so much busier in the run up to Christmas

[Santasfakebeard]

The mc families in DC school seem to have something on the whole month of Dec judging by the dc's class whatsapp groups. Is it just a middle class thing? Pantos, choirs, concerts, wreath making & mulled wine family evenings, markets abroad, carol singing.
I would love my dc to experience it all but we simply don't have the funds.
Is it just the mc & umc that can afford to offer their dc those festive experiences?

Yes. This is precisely what MC people do around Christmas. Busy with or without kids is an excellent way of putting it, Spot on.

We did a mix of things over the years. When DD was small, we mostly did cheap (or even free) activities - a visit to Santa in a department store and McDonalds for lunch, staying up late to watch the Late Late Toy Show (iconic Irish TV programme), a switching on of the lights ceremony in our town where the kids were encouraged to dress up in Christmas clothes and sing carols etc. One year I signed her up for a free Christmas puppet making workshop in a library - she made a very cool reindeer puppet.

When she joined clubs (Scouts and a dance class), things got a bit busier and she often had a Christmas party or disco in Scouts and maybe a Christmas performance and party in the dance class. There was usually a Christmas jumper day in school.

When DD got older again (maybe 8 - 11), we got a bit more adventurous and did some of the Santa trail/grotto type things. We just did one each year though. And one year her grandparents brought her to a reindeer farm/train experience with her cousins. Another year I brought her ice skating. I have to confess, I mostly found out about these things through social media. But I didn't book tickets out of FOMO - I just thought they sounded like fun things to do. And it can be hard entertaining an only child at times. Because DD is an only child, I only ever had to pay for one. I might have thought twice if I'd had to pay for four/five kids.

I don't think we ever went to the panto because I was never really into the panto myself. Christmas concerts are probably a bit boring for kids unless it's a child friendly performance and/or the kids are participating.

We had a lot of fun over the years but I'm not sure if DD even remembers all of the things we did. I suspect if I asked her, she'd tell me that the best things were the Late Late Toy Show on TV and the afternoon she spent painting some Christmas decorations with her cousins (the decorations were paid for by my sister). Those same decorations still go on our tree every year but we hide them at the back of the tree because they're so gammy .

Whatever activities you do, make the most of it because those little kids grow up awfully quick and you find yourself missing all the excitement.

I think it’s unfair to say mc are showing off or being competitive on social media.

We are probably middle class and yes we do have a lot of plans. Meeting friends, a few meals out, xmas light trails, meeting Santa, ice skating, hosting friends, couple of concerts the kids are in, work xmas dos, panto.

We are also incredibly busy at work and dying on our asses half the time! When I post pics it’s to share with friends and family not to be competitive.

It’s just that time of year for catching up with everyone and the kids have their end of year concerts etc. it’s also that Christmas for me wasn’t always a happy time growing up so I like to make it as special as possible for my dc.

@JANEY205 they gave out oranges studded
with sweets, and a lighted candle. I had several young children with me. One of them set fire to her own hair, and while I was putting it out, a random child nicked the orange off my youngest child. As I tried to calm her tears, another of my children managed to melt a hole in his coat. We were stuck in the middle of a pew in a crowded church, and could not escape.

Christingle is forever tainted for me now with the sound of sobbing, and the smell of burned hair.

OMG I couldn't not do Christmas dinner!!! It's just massive!?!

I'm MC now but I wasn't always but Christmas dinner was the literal high point of the year!!

Christmas dinner was the literal high point of the year!!

Why though? Did you have loads of people around for dinner? A huge dining table? Just why?

I literally imagine EastEnders all sitting together.

Growing up we sat around a table, barely speaking and ate a small dinner of turkey and ham which lasted twenty minutes max. The only difference between that and any other day was we had a white linen tablecloth on the table on Christmas Day. I don’t have any nice memories of Christmas dinner.

What makes it nice?

We do a lot of stuff at home. We do wreath making every year- we go out for a long walk and get the materials, holly/ivy etc, collect pine cones and we dry our own citrus slices etc. Ribbon and wire etc collected cheap from charity shops or The Works. We make pomanders and stained glass lanterns as well, it costs pennies. We make marzipan sweets and marshmallows and stollen and lebkuchen.

We can't afford to go to theatre performances or winter wonderland trails etc, especially not in the run-up to Christmas. But we are busy, just the cheapo version 😂

YYY to @MillionDryston

OP, what you're seeing is the Christmas equivalent of loud parenting. Maybe it could be called ostentatious festivity?

Love it!!

@Naptrappedmummy
They're signaling that they are familiar with and can afford those clothing brands, whether they come from Vinted or not. They're also signaling that they are so loaded that it doesn't matter if the clothes become ripped or stained, and also that their children are 'spirited' and allowed to choose their own clothing and they are such relaxed, confident, and privileged parents that it doesn't matter if it looks as if their children are a troop of feral-looking urchins.

There's a huge amount of class/ income signaling involved in broadcasting your jam-packed Christmas schedule to others too.

We get busier in December but mainly through the stuff that naturally occurs like school events, and addutional church services rather than booking expensive extras. We've got a December birthday to fit in too- that can be a bit awkward as some options are Christmas theme only or closed.

I don't have lots of £££ activities planned in, partly because by the time my brain is ready to accept Christmas is approaching and planning mode commences, it's too late to book a load of stuff. Partly that a lot of festive things are autistic child overwhelm/ sensory hell territory. I did some nice winter wonderland days out when they were younger that were a bit less intense and had some substance to them, but some things seem pretty gimicky. Ice skating is dyspraxia hell...

We're not prone to FOMO and spending just-because.

Can I dare say that many of the activities now are very LMC rather than solidy MC? The grottos, light trails, Christmas markets, breakfast with Santa etc are rather tacky for the solidly MC. The former are much more likely to be sharing everything on the class groups too. The very working class families in our school concentrate on stuff rather than experiences. So lots of personalised Christmas items in the run up, Christmas nails for mum, hair done, Christmas Eve is the busiest time for barbers, many stay open until 5am so that the men look their best on the day. Christmas themed clothes for the dog. Loads of money spent on presents (on credit/loans) so they can "see their faces on Christmas day".
The solidly MC spend a lot less money on stuff and mix with other PLU for carols and mincepies around the piano (and they are cringing at the parents who do school pick ups in a Santa hat from mid November). Family walks (regardless of weather), toboganning on boxing day in a forest park that no one has heard of, old traditional Christmas films played on a projector in someone's garden. Christmas dinner in grandmother's house where everyone opens presents together (no dashing downstairs for their dc at 3am to see if Santa's been) and gets absolutely stuffed on a slice of turkey and 2 Brussels sprouts.
We had one girl in our school whose mother was a solicitor, from old money. She got the mandatory lump of coal and a satsuma on Christmas day and had a lovely time. Their present was a family one, such as some boating equipment and they'd go out on Christmas day and use it and it would all be splendid. The mother made a big deal when the school canteen Christmas dinner went up by 50p one year, I overheard her saying she wasn't sure if the dc could do it the following year. She was incredulous at how expensive everything was becoming!

Does it matter @feralunderclass

The sensible people will just do the things they enjoy and not care what "class" that might label them as

I'm very much from the background of the solicitor mother you described - and I love a Christmas light trails, for instance. I don't care what "class" they are.

Life must be very constrained if you pick activities based solely on whether the signify the right things about social class. I expect it's the social climbers who really care about doing the right thing . People who are happy with who they are will just pick activities they enjoy.

That's exactly my point, it's the social climbers ie LMC who are desperate to be seen on their vair busy weekends #makingmemories. Everyone else just does whatever they want. People have judgements about the activities of the 'other' but who really cares if they are having a good time.
I'm also making the point that it's not necessarily people with money who spend a lot. In our class those on benefits got the most spent on them. Buy now, worry about it later. People who actually have the money might spend in different ways though.

Yes to this.

As PP says, MC are typically not going to the things mentioned here, nor acknowledging this on class WhatsApp groups.

I find the humble bragging isn't so much "omg I've got breakfast with Father Christmas at the garden centre, then a light trail at some barns, then Christmas disco at KidsWorld". Far from it.

It's more the competitive underspending. As in "we all know we can afford any of this, so this isn't something I can boast about, so look how Mary Poppins we are without spending a penny" and I hear much more "oh we don't really go in for that, but this weekend we're going to Brancaster for a nice coastal walk and to take some cuttings from the coastal path to make our kitchen garland".

When i was a child I asked my dad what class are we. He said there's no such thing as class anymore . I believed him for years . Even during my adult hood. It was only when I came on MN I realised it was a thing.

I agree though people should do what makes them happy. I wanted to take my children to the theater it will be 100 pound for 4 of us . I would rather use that 100 for the heating to be warm. And my kids don't know about the theater.

For us its traveling on the bus and counting how many houses we see with Xmas lights. They help me wrap non child presents . There's the things they do at school as well. Helping decorate the house. They have Xmas duvet covers that we put on close to Xmas. It's small things but I feel like Xmas day in its self is enough

No you've missed my point. It's the social climbers ie those who recently left the LMC who are so keen to distinguish themselves from the LMC and therefore insist on doing only clearly MC things.

The very established MC (many generations) I know, will just as cheerfully go to a light display or Christmas market as they will go Holly picking/ have friends round for mince pies.

But you don't have to be middle class to sign up for an events email list - museums and other such places are always trying to get people to sign up for emails..

I have to say some of your school whatsapp groups are very different to mine. On ours, we ask for missing homework, to clarify dates of football matches and are sent reminders for the collection for teacher’s gifts. There are on average, two messages a week in the groups!

I’m not sure who or why the ’boasting’ (although I don’t believe it is boasting) is said to? Even the children don’t speak about gifts etc. If I ask my DC if they’d like to go to X or Y, they might mention that one of their classmates went and said it was hood/not good but it isn’t something that would otherwise come up.

I can’t even imagine people writing that they went here or there in a school whatsapp group. I am absolutely certain that if somebody wrote ‘I went to a wreath making workshop on Thursday’ that it wouldn’t receive one reply. It might get the odd thumbs up emoj at best. I’m certainly not friends on social media with any other parents and I’d be surprised if other parents were.

I have to say your school whatsapp group sounds more fun!

There are more Christmas things to do that require payment, experiences as such. I think that social media means people want to have pics to post.

As a child I remember helping at the church Christmas bazaar, going carol singing at a residential home and at the local nunnery and decorating the church, plus doing the actual carol service, I was in the choir.

This year I’m visiting a city centre Christmas market with DS GF and family friends and have two fuddles and two Christmas dinners to attend linked to my hobby groups and voluntary role. I’m also going to a Stately home for its light show but my friend volunteers there so I’m going as his guest on the staff only night so no crowds. I also pick greenery and make a few wreaths for friends. The two Christmas dinners are free as thank you for volunteering and the group has just been gifted some money. So I’m having quite a Christmassy time but hardly spending anything.

Growing up we sat around a table, barely speaking and ate a small dinner of turkey and ham which lasted twenty minutes max. The only difference between that and any other day was we had a white linen tablecloth on the table on Christmas Day. I don’t have any nice memories of Christmas dinner.
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What makes it nice?

@Novelhelp sorry your Christmases were shit. It sounds like the family that was the issue. What makes it nice? We all get together late AM, open presents, have cocktails and snacks and the kids play, then we have a long lunch with wine and delicious food then we’ll chat and play board games until late. And probably eat again! It’s an amazing day.

When I read the threads about 'special' food people eat at Christmas I wonder what they are eating the rest of the year. There's nothing really special about a roast dinner, drinks and chocolate. Everything is available now all year round, nothing is a treat.

When I read the threads about 'special' food people eat at Christmas I wonder what they are eating the rest of the year. There's nothing really special about a roast dinner, drinks and chocolate. Everything is available now all year round, nothing is a treat.

Im a bit the same tbh. DH likes cooking and trying new recipes is a weekly thing. I’m worried now my DC will say their Xmas day was rubbish when they look back at them. I have no idea what to do to make them different?
I’m beginning to think it’s having loads of people around the table mainly?
It’s just our family and the kids will squabble and leave the table as soon as they can. Then we will clean up and resume whatever we were doing beforehand. I don’t know what to do to make it better?
And pls don’t suggest board games. I hate them.

This is true...I was watching a vintage episode of Fanny Craddock on youtube the other day. She was making a Christmas cake. She was describing the ingredients and was saying how it was expensive and a bit special...then she said something like, well we should at least be able to have one decent piece of cake a year. It really struck me how different life is now. You can have a decent piece of cake every day now if you wanted to. A box of chocolates and some nuts is no longer a treat. Most of these treat foods and available all the time and are affordable for the majority.

It struck me how different life is now

I was telling my teen dd that when I was young (in 80s) we were always excited to open the advent calender to see what the picture was. I remember thinking the little squares were so beautiful. She said it must have been lovely to have that feeling of anticipation, everyone has everything now and there's nothing much to look forward too. What a great place of privilege, but mixed feelings about it 😕