Anyone had to deny their kid opportunity for something great/fun due to proximity to exams?

[Echobelly]

So I came to pick up my oldest (15) from singing lesson the other day and they'd been told about an opportunity to audition for a part at major opera house - they've done a children's chorus there already and they were so excited. My heart sank a bit as it's GCSE year and I couldn't see how they could do it, but it turned out that it was in a period where doing it was just about plausible without it being disruptive and so cautiously we continued and my DH, who I thought (kind of hoped) would oppose it was for allowing it.

But now we've had a school progress report and it's not great - they're not getting bad marks but they're more than a little under what they are capable of and we both have to agree, sadly, that it's in part because of music stuff they have been doing.

They get so absorbed by it that they just focus on practising their music stuff above everything else. I just feel awful because I did these sorts of singing parts when I was a teen and they were an amazing experience... but at the same time I don't think we can risk them underacheiving at GCSE because of it. Obviously, it's not guaranteed they'll get the part (as it is, I think they probably want slightly younger kids) but unfortunately the timing just isn't right, and they are getting to a stage where they're getting bit old for children's parts, though I did do some during 6th form.

Has anyone else had to turn down great opportunities because they were just too near exams?

I negotiate with my child life is about balance for children as well as adults

In terms of what you think is underachieving for GCSEs, my view would depend on which subjects. If likely to do well in English, Maths and possible A level subjects, then I'd be fine with your decision.

One of my students performed on the west end the same month as her GCSEs. It was a lot of work though and she had to have a lot of support to manage her time.

I am glad your DC is going to audition.
If they do get the part you can help them to draw up a timetable including singing practice at home, rehearsals for the show, revision for exams and freetime.
I think it's doable but sometimes children that age have difficulties managing their time and you say they can get very focussed on the singing at the expense of other things, so having a timetable would actually help with that.
It sounds quite rigid but it does work. I did a lot of music alongside my school work and all the way through university too and I used a timetable for years to make sure I gave everything the right amount of time but also had down time.

@Echobelly but maybe your DC’s future is as an opera singer? If my DDs had such an amazing talent, I would be nurturing and encouraging that in favour of GCSEs, I’ll be honest. Also, there is a funded third year at further education level, so there’s an opportunity to retake GCSEs. I’m sure this will be a very unpopular view on MN where everyone’s child gets a full bingo card of 9s at GCSE and anything less than Oxbridge at uni leaves grown people weeping!

Exams aren't the be all and end all. Perhaps they will go on to have a theatrical career

Don't take this opportunity away from them , but help them plan revision effectively

Audition is a week away, they've already put a ton of effort into prep. This isn't the time to pull the plug. You don't think they'll get it anyway so it'll resolve itself

GCSE’s don’t matter as long as they get high enough grades to get into college/apprenticeship or whatever they want to do.

I got B’s & C’s, dropped out of college then lied and said i finished it on my CV. Never been checked out and now in my 30s with a fairly decent job (no quals needed I worked my way up).

Obviously some jobs need certain qualifications and if her dream is to do one of those then yes GCSE’S matter. I really think there is a huge amount of stress put on kids for exams when grades don’t matter for most jobs. Who cares if they got an A or a C if they both get you the same place onto the same course? Deffo let her do things she enjoys too!

You realise music is just as important as their gcse subjects? If not more so as they clearly really, really enjoy it and get a sense of achievement from it?

No doubt about it… the music stuff would be fine by me. But that was my daughter’s ‘thing’. She and her friends were even in the school Summer production at exam time.
why does everyone look down on music/performing arts? It’s bloody hard work, particularly the exams! But she also got good grades in all her other subjects.

Anyway, she went to uni, got a good music degree and is a senior school music teacher now.

It’s a tough one, but would denying the opportunity to continue with something she’s seems rather passionate about to concentrate solely on GCSEs possibly have the opposite effect and actually hinder the GCSEs. She would no longer have the escape of music / release from the stress of school and exams which may have a negative impact on performance. If it were me I think I’d be trying to find a way to balance the two things. I understand it’s not always that easy in reality tho.

Yes, we have had to forgo stuff that is too near exams. The opportunity that your child is getting does sound enriching and something that your child is passionate about. Exams are important and we are an academic household, but I’m learning also that to raise a rounded child, we must focus on more than just exams.

i would draw up a contract with your child on how time will be split between the extra curricular activity and exam related studies. If the exam grades on mocks and tests slip, they miss out on rehearsals or whatever you deem appropriate. Even pull them out as a last resort. From a mental health perspective, having something ‘happy’ in the midst of what is usually stressful (exam revision) may actually be beneficial. Also, it may encourage a more disciplined approach to revision, eg, ‘I’m taking two hours out for the extra curricular, so therefore I have to do two exam papers before I leave, I will have to wake up early to achieve that’, as opposed to sleeping late and wasting time pottering about, before studying. Life skills.

What? If they don’t pass their GCSE’s then they won’t get to the next stepping stone? I think that doing both could create unnecessary stress.

It might take an extra year while they consolidate, but they will get there.
Level 3 is funded until the school year they turn 19 so essentially they have an extra year.
Many young people take advantage of that now and do an extra 1 year qualification that's a bit lighter after A levels but they can also do it the other way around.

My mother took me off rowing team because she thought it was interfering with my studies. It was all downhill from there, to be honest - I completely lost any interest in school, scraped through with my exams and left without completing my A levels. Years later I went to uni as a mature student. 30 years post incident I am planning my PhD. I have no regrets about “performing below my capabilities” in my exams but I am still really bitter about being made to give up rowing. Make of it what you wish.

Best thing I ever did was compete at a high level in a sport throughout university. Even though I have a very academic career,related to my degree, I still feel my career success owes more to skills learnt through team sport than anything else. The resilience, team work, leadership.... All from sport. (And my daughter dances and performs and I see her get the same benefits from that )

Update: they did the audition tonight and are through to the second round! That means a longer workshop after school tomorrow (Day 2 of mocks) - luckily Wednesday is just one exam which is their strongest subject so not a problem.

@Hummingbird10 - failing exams is not a concern, I think they could easily pass them all without trying too hard, but they have high academic sights so it might affect willingness of good unis offer if they fell behind in some of their weaker subjects. Pretty much in the last week they've changed their mind about taking one A-level subject where they would need a higher science mark to take take it at the 6th forms they've applied to (science being one of their weaker subjects), so that's taken some pressure off as well. They didn't change their mind because of the science thing, just decided to do something else instead.

But I've come to the conclusion that as long as they get into 6th form, which they definitely will one way or another, it'd be worth the possibility of dropping a mark in a couple of subjects to do this if it comes off

@Echobelly

Congratulations! Sounds like it will have been a great experience whatever happens next. I often think being busier is actually better for academics because there's no time to procrastinate.

Obviously the plural of anecdote is not data, but this was definitely the case for me.

I wasn't in a production but while doing my GCSEs I ran our high school Christmas production (twice) with basically no adult intervention, held three different school leadership roles (house captain etc), played on a school team and did a young leader role at scouts.

I then did 5 a levels plus general studies, while also organising the school Christmas concert, school play, 4 different volunteer roles and had a part time job. Plus plenty of parties and hangovers.

I maybe could have squeezed an extra A* or two out of my GCSEs but everything else went as well as it can.

Final update - They didn't get it. They were OK about it as they knew from second stage audition yesterday their voice didn't quite blend with the others' they tried out with, and I remember losing out to parts because of that myself when I was a kid. It's both a shame for the opportunity, but kind of a relief that even though it would have been in a slight lull in GCSE activities it would have been stressful and meant really no time to just kick back for a bit this year.

Got nice feedback about high standard of their singing and that they had obviously prepared well.