Anyone had to deny their kid opportunity for something great/fun due to proximity to exams?

[Echobelly]

So I came to pick up my oldest (15) from singing lesson the other day and they'd been told about an opportunity to audition for a part at major opera house - they've done a children's chorus there already and they were so excited. My heart sank a bit as it's GCSE year and I couldn't see how they could do it, but it turned out that it was in a period where doing it was just about plausible without it being disruptive and so cautiously we continued and my DH, who I thought (kind of hoped) would oppose it was for allowing it.

But now we've had a school progress report and it's not great - they're not getting bad marks but they're more than a little under what they are capable of and we both have to agree, sadly, that it's in part because of music stuff they have been doing.

They get so absorbed by it that they just focus on practising their music stuff above everything else. I just feel awful because I did these sorts of singing parts when I was a teen and they were an amazing experience... but at the same time I don't think we can risk them underacheiving at GCSE because of it. Obviously, it's not guaranteed they'll get the part (as it is, I think they probably want slightly younger kids) but unfortunately the timing just isn't right, and they are getting to a stage where they're getting bit old for children's parts, though I did do some during 6th form.

Has anyone else had to turn down great opportunities because they were just too near exams?

Yeah, that's the thing, this may be their last chance to go for this particular role - as I said I suspect they may already be too old, for this particular production, but they may not get another shot at this.

It would depend what they're wanting to do after school. If it is in line with what they want to continue to do after school then I would still let them but also let them know that their other grades are very important to get on the courses they need. My son is same age (15 in yr11), having his mocks this week and next week. We have discussed everything he wants to do after school and the things he has to achieve if he really wants to get on the course he needs to get the job he wants. He needs his geography, maths, English and sciences so everything is geared towards that. If he wanted to do something like this but his type of inspiration eg go on a field trip for weekend looking at cliffs and rocks, studying the weather, even with mocks Monday - Friday he would be given the chance to go. It would be explained to him it is his choice and he still needs certain grades eg a 5 in maths and 4 in English minimum to get on the geography, geology, chemistry and biology a-levels. Along with higher grades in the subjects I mentioned. They need downtime to succeed so they don't burn out but they also need to start making choices in their own future. When I was that age I was no one's telling me what to do and no one can make me which made my grades suffer greatly. More people pushed more I pushed back x

But does your child want to do something like that for a career? If so, it might be more useful to get experience than GCSEs? (I am a teacher btw).

My DCs school always maintained it was the busiest kids that did best in their exams.
The result if a mixture of having to time manage better to get everything done, as well as a decent amount of time doing what they enjoyed and 'downtime' (although how relaxing that was depends on the actual activity!!).

Personally I would work out what they actually need for the GCSEs re their A level applications rather than it just being about reaching their full potential in their exams. I bet your child doesn't love every GCSE subject but they do love singing by the sounds of it. My son is in a grammar and we decided he didn't need spanish so opted for the foundation exam and achieved the highest he could get in that which was a 5 - but this allowed him to focus on his other subjects and his hobbies and he pulled off 9s/8s in those which helped him secure his place in 6th form.

I think that’s a bit mean. GCSEs aren’t the end of the whole world. Let them have fun with what they love doing.

Let them make their own choices. If they are the sort who gets upset over results then I’m sure they care enough to attempt to balance both commitments. GCSE’s can be retaken, they’re really not the be all and end all.

The singing sounds so good for them!

When I was doing both my GCSEs and A Levels I was denied opportunities for other things as my parents saw exams as more important than anything else.

To be honest, it didn’t help me at all. I was effectively locked indoors and depressed and didn’t work any harder anyway as my mental health suffered. My sister faired better, but it didn’t help me.

I have read a lot of research that having hobbies / exercise / stuff that’s good for your mental health will mean you’ll do better in your exams.

I’d let her do the audition.

I wouldn’t let GCSE’s prevent your child from the audition. You never know what opportunities & doors that May open.

Yes GCSEs are important but they are not the be all & end all they are made out to be .

i think a healthy compromise could be found. Sit down with DC & say you are happy for them to do audition etc as long as grades are maintained to a certain level. Go through a schedule that works & still allows for them to be a teen. Work with the school on it so teachers know where they needs help etc. then it’s down to DC. If they want to do the music side enough then they’ll put the hard work in.

i hate that kids are made to feel (by schools etc) that if they don’t get certain GCSE as a kid then that’s their future down the drain. It’s just not true. I was made to feel like that & I got good grades (just not all A’s) and it really knocked me for a while. Just help DC where you can be clear there are always options to resist or go down different routes etc

Do not remove joy from your child's life because of exams. If the singing doesn't bring them joy that's one thing, but if it does, the opportunity to perform a role at a national opera house is one that should be grabbed with both hands.

The very fact your dd was crying about maths because of her teacher and not herself shows that she is not focusing on the intrinsic reward of doing well. She needs to learn about what SHE enjoys and what SHE wants. This is her life not a series of letters on a piece of paper.

At 15/16 you are there to guide and support her decisions not dictate how she should live her life because if you do it could back fire massively. If I was that concerned I would look into private tuition and revision courses. As you say she may not even get the part but if you don’t let her try she may resent you forever.

Personally I'd prefer a dropped down grade at GCSE and a kid who put their passion first.

Not like anyone gives a crap about their results as soon as they've got their A levels, unless they need to show consistency for a top 5 uni or something.

Maybe maths isn't their thing, but music is?

If the school is concerned then they can refuse to give permission, then the opera house won't get a licence for her and she can't do it.

However mine have done performing round exams and I don't think it's effected them. If anything I think it gives them a break and helps them mentally.

Dd1 was in Annie the week before year 6 SATS
DD2 was touring with a circus the summer she did year 6 SATS although I think she only had rehearsals before the exams, she did miss the last Thursday and Friday before them.
Ds did his GCSEs last year, finished on the Friday and had a week of all day performances in an outdoor show the week after.

Some good answers on here: you can retake a gcse you can't redo a once in a lifetime experience.
Also once you're beyond a certain point in education no one cares as long as you got decent maths and English. Once you've done a levels no one asks.
It's also worth pointing out to kids this is a perfect example of how you can't have everything perfect in life. At some point they have to choose what to focus on the most.
I definitely vote to keep up the singing.

Can't you say he or she rather than they? I find it hard to read (maybe I'm just not moving with the times).

Millions of kids get GCSE passes, it’s nothing to get excited about. The country is full of folk with degrees and strong academic achievement that end up in bog standard jobs the same as those who coasted through school. Even with failed GCSEs there are routes for apprenticeships alongside functional skills so if they’re not naturally academic, or if they’re late developers, it’s nothing to stress about. The problem is with the education system that aims to create compliant mediocre robots.

If someone shows natural talent and passion for something then that’s what I would be encouraging as a parent.

I guess it depends what they want to do after their GCSEs. My DD has several outside music and drama activities. Roles in shows that take up a lot of time. She did badly in a recent progress check exam but for her (also being autistic) and grade at science gcse which she’s not a big fan of anyway is not worth fighting for when her music and drama activities will provide her with additional external exam certificates and experience in real theatres so that when she applies to do drama for post 16 onwards this will count more. Also with her being autistic it’s hard to change her focus. She doesn’t have a learning disability, she just hyper focuses on what she enjoys and won’t give time to what she doesn’t.

These external opportunities will also go well on ucas forms in the future for other careers showing the core skills of commitment and teamwork etc.

Haven't read through all the posts, but it sounds like your child is really passionate about it and it could lead onto a career doing something your child loves and let's face it it's not often people find a job doing something they love.

I would help them do a schedule where they can fit everything in.

Just to say about my experience with my eldest daughter. She desperately wanted to be in her theatre school production of everyone’s talking about jamie … but the production itself was in the middle of her a level exams. We talked it through with her and decided to let her do it - she was ensemble.

In hindsight it was actually the best decision for her. She is on pathway for ASD diagnosis atm and social anxiety has been a huge thing over the past number of years. Whilst her grades may have dipped slightly from what she was capable of, the production gave her so much more. She found she could make friends and people genuinely liked her, it gave her a lot more confidence and her anxiety lessened. With her going off to university in September, those skills were priceless.

In terms of her academics, we did put in place a schedule so she knew when she should be working - but we were also aware that for her mental health we couldn’t curtail everything else that she wanted to do to focus purely on academics.

Good luck to her with whatever you as a family choose to do. It’s never clear cut or straight forward.

Sounds like you have a good outcome with the head being reassuring and your DC offering some other things they can drop.

I think you need a collaborative kind of conversation:

“ok DC there are only so many hours in the week. Schoolwork is going to take X hours if you want to get your grades, this show (if you get it) will take Y hours, currently you see friends/do other hobbies for Z hours. That’s too many hours, so something needs to go, what is it?”

Your DC can still enjoy music without being part of a rigorous or demanding audition or performance process at this specific time.
It may well be that music is going to be a really important part of your child’s life in future. How wonderful to have a talent and a passion! GCSEs are not the be all and end all but they are a useful platform for the rest of your education/training/job applications and if your DC can get their GCSEs they then have more flexibility in future regarding further study and jobs/careers.
Many people who work in entertainment or theatre or music also have other jobs to earn money before or alongside or in between their performance career.

To be honest, I would always go for an amazing-or even a good opportunity over exams. I think kids should learn to "spin plates" as early as possible.

So glad you’re letting them audition OP. It’s an amazing opportunity and they can put it on their CV / personal statement. Life experience is just as important as exams. I’m sure with the right help and motivation they can achieve both. Sounds like they have a good work ethic and want to succeed. Good luck OP’s DC! (or should that be - break a leg!)

Difficult one, OP, but just remember retakes are a thing.