Anyone had to deny their kid opportunity for something great/fun due to proximity to exams?

[Echobelly]

So I came to pick up my oldest (15) from singing lesson the other day and they'd been told about an opportunity to audition for a part at major opera house - they've done a children's chorus there already and they were so excited. My heart sank a bit as it's GCSE year and I couldn't see how they could do it, but it turned out that it was in a period where doing it was just about plausible without it being disruptive and so cautiously we continued and my DH, who I thought (kind of hoped) would oppose it was for allowing it.

But now we've had a school progress report and it's not great - they're not getting bad marks but they're more than a little under what they are capable of and we both have to agree, sadly, that it's in part because of music stuff they have been doing.

They get so absorbed by it that they just focus on practising their music stuff above everything else. I just feel awful because I did these sorts of singing parts when I was a teen and they were an amazing experience... but at the same time I don't think we can risk them underacheiving at GCSE because of it. Obviously, it's not guaranteed they'll get the part (as it is, I think they probably want slightly younger kids) but unfortunately the timing just isn't right, and they are getting to a stage where they're getting bit old for children's parts, though I did do some during 6th form.

Has anyone else had to turn down great opportunities because they were just too near exams?

Of GCSE’s are important, but unless the marks exclude your DC from taking the subject at A- level, I think you are being a bit narrow minded.

I assume your DC will be going to university? Their application will be much more attractive if it has experience of performing in an opera, rather than a clutch of excellent GCSE’s.

First of all progress reports tend to be "if they took the exam right now this is what they would get" they still have learning to complete.

What career path does your child want to go down ?? Would this opportunity with the opera house be beneficial experience for their future career or is it literally just a hobby??

Talk to your child, come up with a plan, a revision plan and study hours to fit everything in. A level 5 in RE isn't going to cause any issues if they have no intention of studying RE further, but am experience they could benefit their future career deffinatly shouldn't be passed.

It's 7 months till GCSEs there's lots of time to help plan and revise and study

Other than getting what you need to get in to sixth form, and the occasional specific requirement for a specific degree, GCSE grades are really not that important. No way would I deny my child an opportunity to do something they love and are passionate about in the hope that it would bump their GCSE results up a grade.

This with bells on.

That plus perfectionist/anxious children (which it sounds like DC is if they're crying about letting a teacher down) need to be doing things that they are good at.

PLUS, this phase of your child's life is about giving them tools and support to learn how to make good decisions. This one really isn't yours to make. I understand that having spoken to school you're now reassured and it will go ahead, but the point still stands. Actually your DC should have gone to their HOY or guidance teacher and had the chat themself. That's how you teach decision making.

(You are getting it tight from me because I had exactly the same conversation with a friend last night who is cutting her DC's sport time down in order to focus them on a revision timetable. Bonkers)

Other than maths and English it's quite difficult to resit GCSEs. It shouldn't really affect your decisions as passing first time would be best for her. Dropping a couple of grades at the worst shouldn't be a problem for any future plans.

I have a young family member who is extremely successful in their industry. Barely got any GCSEs due to dyslexia and various other challenges (being stuck in a failing school). If your child has a talent, let them develop it. It could lead to a successful career.

My DC are both mid 30s now and I can honestly say that I have no recollection of what GCSEs that sat, let alone the results. By the time they were at uni, those exams were already irrelevant. They both have good careers and are doing well in adult life. We do however all remember their achievements out of school, music, Dof E, etc. All the stuff that brought joy really

Good grief.

The angst! Talking to H of Y and all the other fluff over such a small thing in the grand scheme.

Let your child decide for themself. It’s not like she’s roaming the streets and mugging old ladies. It’s an organised and accomplished extra curricular. She’ll need the escape.

As long as they get good enough GCSEs for the next stage, it really doesn't matter about what they get. Let them pursue what they want, it's their choice, not yours. You sound very pushy and very overinvolved, which will only backfire or cause disappointment and resentment.

GCSEs that require coursework are hard to sit. Eg P.E, music or art. It's doable but usually prohibitively expensive. In those there are other well respected awards and qualifications anyway. Abrsm, arts awards and there are all sorts of awards for sport from professional bodies.

For the others, home educators have paved the way to making this possible. it's usually a case of finding somewhere to sit them - often private schools are very accommodating and paying the exam fee plus an admin fee to the school. Usually about 200, but a language will be more as they'll need to pay for the spoken part too.

GCSEs don't matter except for Maths and English.

Extra curricular activities are really important for developing soft skills and in the long term are more important for getting and keeping jobs than GCSE results.

I agree with helping your daughter to manage her time. I'm pretty sure that book about habits for highly successful people discusses this exact issue, it shouldn't be 'I need to give up x to do work' but 'how can I manage my time to do both'. It's a very important life skill to be honest, she's unlikely in the rest of her life ever to be able to totally focus on one thing at a time.

Glad to see you've eased up a bit. I honestly believe it's all about motivation and organisation, not about amount of commitments. Some of the best students I know academically have done their homework in the backstage areas of performance spaces, or at the side of athletics tracks alongside art or sport commitments at a high level too. Just look at how many sports people are also oxbridge students or vets or medics. If a child is willing to do both together and understands they need to commit equally to both then it's not a one or the other situation.

DH does sometimes have very strong initial reactions and then backtracks, I was kind of carried along with it but I did tell him how much much it meant to me when I experienced doing the role, that it was honestly one of the highlights of my life.

Audition is a week on Monday, we'll see what happens!

good exam grades are definitely important and should be a focus but doing other things/having things that children are passionate about is also important.
the singing should create opportunities of things that they can talk about in interviews/personal statements which will be very beneficial and also create other useful life/workplace skills.

more to life than exams honestly ! sounds like this is a path your child wants to follow and is good at it!

Good luck to them!
My DD has a lot of music and drama commitments, and we had a good chat about what we could press pause on in the run up to GCSEs. Year 13 now, and she has a PT job and a boyfriend added to the mix, so she's continuing with her singing and her in-school drama, but taking a year off from her drama school, which is saving her 6 hours a week (pls all the extra during show weeks).

Dd3 is in y11 and whilst I will encourage her and support her as far as I'm concerned her gcses are up to her. I never expected my parents to 'manage' my O levels as the results were for me not them and I've been hands off with all 4 of mine. Has your dc had their mocks yet?
Dd3 has just got an important part in an international body ( don't want to be too outing) and she will have to do a lot of research - the main event is at the end of February. She is aware that she has her gcses coming up so she has to manage her time. She is planning her next week of rock climbing as well and trying to decide if whit would be good. My dd3 is also very involved in music and spends/ wastes a lot of time on that but her future is in her hands not mine. Currently she's looking at A levels/IB and wondering if she can start with physics and if she doesn't like it swap to Biology!

My DD did her equivalent of GCSE’s last year (we are not in England) and having been through that experience and seeing the stress she felt and the pressure she put herself under I would be ACTIVELY encouraging young people to get involved in something else otherwise school/exams becomes too overwhelming and all consuming. There needs to be a balance!

I'm almost 60 and when I was at school getting a C at O level was considered an achievement and very very few got all As. My eldest two are in their 30s and it was still quite rare to get all A*s and dd1 wasn't at all upset that she 'only' got As in both her English gcses. Ds is 20 and by then numbers had just come in but children seemed quite relaxed about 8 and 9s. He got 8 in both English gcses and was a little disappointed. Now dd3 will probably think the world will end if she doesn't get all 9s! As PP say gcses are just a stepping stone to the next level. If the OP's dc only gets a 6/7 in maths it's not a fail and unless they want to take it at higher level then it won't affect her future. DD3's school is insisting on a 9 to take higher level maths.

English and Maths are the key, the rest don’t particularly matter. A-Levels get you into Uni but I wouldn’t burn out over either. Help them plan their time and do the music. The worst thing to happen would be canning the music, then being miserable and distracted and tanking their exams AND not having done the music. Also, I was predicted to fail English with a very poor course work grade and walked out with an A so frankly, these practice exams are not always such a useful predictor of what is going to be on the actual papers nor how you will perform in that environment

My son, Y13, rows 6 times a week using rowing machines as necessary for poor weather. For him it seems to go hand in hand with the academic stuff … he rows and he studies. Focuses the mind and he’s doing very well. I’m so happy he has these amazing opportunities. I think you should keep the singing.

Good luck in the audition, I hope they enjoy the experience whatever the outcome.

It's interesting reading the variety of responses on here with regards to how much parents should have a say at this age. It will vary immensely from one child to another, but I do think that parental boundary setting is still important to help teenagers make the transition to independent decision making. Even if they ignore the boundaries, just having to make a decision to ignore one is useful. (which is also why too many boundaries, or too tight, is unhelpful because they will just learn to ignore them all completely)

I'm reminded a little of talking with my son at the start of yr 12. He'd made a decision to try an unnecessary extra (language) A level, and was then concerned that if he needed to drop it the enthusiastic teacher wouldn't let him. I said, that's fine, let's review how it's going at half term and again at Christmas - and if it's proving too much then I'll tell your teachers you have to drop it. As it turned out he did very well. Has just started at Cambridge and negotiated time away earlier in the term for a local performance of his own musical - no he's not studying music, and he kept on top of his work too. That may sound like a normal level of maturity for an 18 yr old, but it has really only emerged recently.

Hope the audition goes well.

if they get offered it - one thing to factor into the discussions is is the child’s issue total available capacity to do the school work and the music? Or is it their time management skills and tendencies to put off things less interested / engaged in?

If it’s total capacity, then not doing the music (or some other activity) will help with school.

If it’s time management and discipline, then it’s unlikely to. The procrastination will just switch to something else instead. Sometimes being relatively busy can help people like this - because xyz has its slot and has to be done then because there aren’t alternatives. Create more time and there’s more faff space.

GCSE's are just a stepping stone, I know people who left school with no GCSE's and one is now head of the fire and rescue service. Depends what career they want to pursue but I wouldn't stop them from doing what they love