Anyone had to deny their kid opportunity for something great/fun due to proximity to exams?

[Echobelly]

So I came to pick up my oldest (15) from singing lesson the other day and they'd been told about an opportunity to audition for a part at major opera house - they've done a children's chorus there already and they were so excited. My heart sank a bit as it's GCSE year and I couldn't see how they could do it, but it turned out that it was in a period where doing it was just about plausible without it being disruptive and so cautiously we continued and my DH, who I thought (kind of hoped) would oppose it was for allowing it.

But now we've had a school progress report and it's not great - they're not getting bad marks but they're more than a little under what they are capable of and we both have to agree, sadly, that it's in part because of music stuff they have been doing.

They get so absorbed by it that they just focus on practising their music stuff above everything else. I just feel awful because I did these sorts of singing parts when I was a teen and they were an amazing experience... but at the same time I don't think we can risk them underacheiving at GCSE because of it. Obviously, it's not guaranteed they'll get the part (as it is, I think they probably want slightly younger kids) but unfortunately the timing just isn't right, and they are getting to a stage where they're getting bit old for children's parts, though I did do some during 6th form.

Has anyone else had to turn down great opportunities because they were just too near exams?

All well meaning I know but you sound very intense. Obviously you have to be supportive and guide your children, but this level of angst and involvement for a teenager this age sounds a bit stifling and OTT. Everyone is getting very stressed and it’s all a bit much.

Hi OP, just wanted to say, no one knows what’s round the corner. My brother got good but not amazing GCSE and A level results because he played a sport at county level and also loved video games. He died in his 20’s and the one thing I was always glad about was that he had a great time in his teens and experienced such a lot of things other than just revision and getting top marks. I appreciate this is an extreme example but it’s worth contemplating. Good luck to your DC in the audition.

Yes, GCSEs come first, it's only for a few months.

But what a wonderful opportunity, they may not get this chance again. Let them do it.

If you see last page, they are going to do the audition, and obviously if they get it they will do the show.

It was DH having a wobble so then me having a wobble mostly and DC doesn't even know more than we wanted to check with the school what the progress report meant and would potentially doing the show be an issue, to which the answer seems to be 'no'.

I'm glad they are doing the audition.
Auditioning /performing give so many life skills that can't be taught in school. And are such an adventure as well.

Can you look at a tutor to help with any wobbly subjects? In my experience that can make all the difference.

Exams can always be resat. You may never get asked again to audition for such a big event.

Exams can always be resat. An amazing opportunity like this may not come up again.

If your child is so absorbed by singing, it's likely that they will go into music. In a decades time your GCSE results will be irrelevant.

I wouldn’t worry about SATS!
They are not beneficial to the student only to the schools, students gain nothing on their records for good or bad results!!!

You have a few options for her here.

Give her a few months to get her grades up

See what else she needs to drop to accommodate study - socials, paid work, hanging out with mates, gaming or whatever else she does with her time.

Support her in managing both with strict time management

Sit back and see what happens.

My DD was a chorister and was offered a place to sing at a huge, once in a lifetime opportunity. It was two weeks before she was due to sit her first A level exam, and obviously huge amount of rehearsal time prior, including three weeks away from home. Our take on it was that she can do A levels any year, but there would never be another opportunity like this one.
She did do it all, and got her first choice Uni but it was a lot of very hard work and long days.

@Cornishbake any tips, please? My DD2, who is in Y3 currently, has been invited to audition to become a chorister. She has her audition in January. As a family, how have you found a chorister’s life? I’m very excited but very torn, especially as DD would be able to access an education at a world-class music school.

I would explain to them the report from school. See how the feel it's then up to them to decide and you to guide them.

Plenty of children do lots of extra curricular activities and still get top marks in exams.
Why do u think others want to hear about yr child’s exam results? It’s the last thing people want to hear people boring on about their kids.
Make sure they have time to study but not pressure to do so, go to the audition if they get the part it was meant to be if not that ok too.

I think this is the kind of subject Mumsnet excels at. Thoughtful question, thoughtful but sometimes challenging answers. No nastiness. Just the kind of different perspectives you'd get from a largeish group of your friends to help you sort your way through

@ProfessorMinervaMcGonagall
Best thing we ever did! It is a massive commitment, but we have no regrets whatsoever. My DD didn’t start until Y9, which meant we juggled through GCSE’s and A levels. However, academics were never compromised and the choristers were always very well supported.
Different choirs and schools will have different levels of commitment, I’d ask whether you can get a current year commitment list and rehearsal schedule and assess how it will fit with your family. Or you can just do what we did and go all in completely blind and wing it!
If your DD is offered the opportunity, grab it with both hands. It was a life changing experience for my DD, she was incredibly lucky to be able to perform nationally and internationally, and record professionally.

For those saying you can retake GCSEs, how do you do that?
I know you can resit maths and English, but what about the others?

If you think exam results are that important to your child, can't you let them decide, making sure they understand how it could impact them?

I could have done better than I did...My exam results were still good enough for me to do the college course I wanted to do. It would have made no difference if I'd got all A*s, so unless they want to go to oxbridge, they might not be too worried about slipping a grade.

I've never applied for a job that cared about the others so whether that matters would depend on specific career goals

@SomersetBrie
Find an exam centre. Book. Pay the admin fee to the exam centre plus exam fee. It's usually around £200 in total.

Some subjects that involve lots of coursework are harder and often prohibitively expensive to arrange.
Languages are a little more tricky as there's a spoken test, but they're doable.

Exam centre could be local school or college who are prepared to give a space to an external student or a dedicated centre. Often private schools are quite accommodating.

@Cornishbake thanks so much for responding. If she got accepted, DD would get a place at Chetham’s School of Music as well. I think I like your style of going in and winging it because if I look into how hard it is, we will never do it, and DD2 deserves the chance to try for it. It will be a nightmare logistically, especially as I have a DD1 who is blind and will be moving on to post-16 options next year.

I remember being envious of friends who went and saw U2 at Wembley back in the day, even though the concert was around the time of my a-levels.

Fair enough.
A friend's DC looks like leaving school with no GCSEs so I was wondering what his immediate options might be.
I think he can do a foundation course of some kind but I was wondering if doing GCSEs later was an option.
(not relevant to this thread, I was just curious)

Grades aren’t everything. Following your child’s dreams is so much more. I did terribly in my exams due to long sickness periods. I did my degree through the Open Uni once I turned 18, did my masters 3 years later and I haven’t looked back. There are other paths if they really don’t do well in their GCSEs

What can you do? Exams have to come first. My niece is part of a street dancing crew that have actually done quite well but says she has to quit to concentrate on her A levels.