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Original poster

I’ve excluded her and I feel horrid

88 replies

sowhisper · 22/11/2023 20:50

DH and I have booked a city break in the new year and invited along my parents. We’ve never holidayed with them before out of the UK. As a gesture of thanks for helping us out financially some time ago, we thought we would pay for their room and flights.

We didn’t deliberately leave out my sister but she is heartbroken and saying she feels terrible to be excluded and that it is really painful. She has her own family and we aren’t that close at all. We also didn’t invite DB and his lot and they don’t seem slightly bothered. We are just two couples so totally had it in mind as a trip we could enjoy. I could have and should have extended the invite to all but it never came to mind given we just wanted to treat my parents on this occasion.

If it’s relevant to add, all families have been on holiday with my parents individually before and we have also been for small weekends away as a whole group. It’s just this occasion which looks different

Should I apologise to her? I don’t know if that will just maybe worsen things. Thanks very much if you read this far.

OP posts:
NotObligedToArgueWithStrangers · 22/11/2023 20:53

I'm bemused as to why she thinks she should have been invited??

PersonaNonGarter · 22/11/2023 20:54

You are fine. Why does your sister feel she is entitled to this? It’s madness.

threecupsofteaminimum · 22/11/2023 20:54

I think your sister needs to grow up a bit, is she usually spoilt?

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Minniemouse85 · 22/11/2023 20:55

doesn’t sound like you have done anything wrong!

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/11/2023 20:55

Huh? Of course you don’t apologise. You haven’t done anything wrong. Did you kick off when she went away with your parents? No. Just ignore her.

shockthemonkey · 22/11/2023 20:56

This is nothing to do with your sister. Very strange reaction on her part.

Primefungus · 22/11/2023 20:56

I can see why you aren't close! You have done nothing wrong enjoy your break

Starrydream · 22/11/2023 20:56

Does your DSis know you are paying for your parents flights and hotel? If so maybe she is ‘heartbroken’ because she thinks she’s missed out on a freebie?

Seriously, it’s not like you’ve invited all other family members except her.

PortalooSunset · 22/11/2023 20:57

You don't need to apologise and you didn't need to invite her. Be different if she was alone and lived with them maybe?

ChaToilLeam · 22/11/2023 20:58

Did your sister help you out financially? This is to thank your parents for doing so. Your sister needs to grow up and get over herself a bit. I think she just fancies a freebie.

Original poster
sowhisper · 22/11/2023 20:59

ChaToilLeam · 22/11/2023 20:58

Did your sister help you out financially? This is to thank your parents for doing so. Your sister needs to grow up and get over herself a bit. I think she just fancies a freebie.

No she didn’t. They are very well off as far as I know - so definitely wouldn’t be hankering after a bargain surely, they’re not grabby people either

OP posts:
judgedreadful · 22/11/2023 21:01

You don't need to apologise for anything. Enjoy the break with your parents and leave her to it.

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 22/11/2023 21:01

Is she usually the focus of your dps attention?

2chocolateoranges · 22/11/2023 21:01

You don’t need to apologise as you don’t need to invite her.

you have gifted this to your parents as a thank you, it has nothing to do with your sister.

I go away for weekends with my mum and would never dream of inviting my sibling.

Original poster
sowhisper · 22/11/2023 21:03

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 22/11/2023 21:01

Is she usually the focus of your dps attention?

Used to be, just circumstantially.

OP posts:
Delatron · 22/11/2023 21:03

She knows exactly what she’s doing. Don’t give her another thought.

DisforDarkChocolate · 22/11/2023 21:03

Why do you think you should have invited her?

Honestly, enjoy your break and stop worrying about your entitled sister.

Aturtleatemysandwich · 22/11/2023 21:11

If you’d invited your DB and his family as well she might have had a point. But it’s perfectly normal to holiday with your parents without also inviting your siblings and there’s no reason you should have invited her. She clearly has raging FOMO issues, but you did nothing wrong. I wouldn’t start apologising or trying to placate her, you’ll just encourage her to think she was right

Original poster
sowhisper · 22/11/2023 21:23

Delatron · 22/11/2023 21:03

She knows exactly what she’s doing. Don’t give her another thought.

Do you think?

OP posts:
itsalongwaybackfromsorry · 22/11/2023 21:35

Ignore her.

You haven't done anything wrong.

CorvusPurpureus · 22/11/2023 21:36

Would it be a problem if she joined?

As in 'hey dsis, didn't think you'd be fussed, but if you want to join us, how lovely!'

<send all the links etc>

If she would be no bother then everyone is happy.

If she'd be hard work, then it's all about the nodding along, non comittally.

WhycantIkeepthisbloodyplantalive · 22/11/2023 21:40

It is absolutely nothing to do with your sister, what an entitled reaction. You wanted to treat your parents to a break away as a Thank-you, this is a completely different dynamic to a group/family holiday.

You should absolutely not back down on this one.It's incredibly bratty to react the way your sister has, whether she means to or not.

Suggest you all arrange a family get together in the new year and explain you wanted to do something nice for just your parents to say Thankyou.

ohchoche · 22/11/2023 21:40

You've done nothing at all wrong, and I'm really sensitive to family dynamics. Ignore her.

Original poster
sowhisper · 22/11/2023 21:42

WhycantIkeepthisbloodyplantalive · 22/11/2023 21:40

It is absolutely nothing to do with your sister, what an entitled reaction. You wanted to treat your parents to a break away as a Thank-you, this is a completely different dynamic to a group/family holiday.

You should absolutely not back down on this one.It's incredibly bratty to react the way your sister has, whether she means to or not.

Suggest you all arrange a family get together in the new year and explain you wanted to do something nice for just your parents to say Thankyou.

She would just continue to say she feels excluded and has declined offers to do another occasion (meal, that kind of thing) separately

OP posts:
SkaneTos · 22/11/2023 21:45

In my mind, you could maybe possibly have been excluding her if

  • She lived with your parents, or
  • You were, say, 5 adult siblings, and you invited everyone except her.
Neither of which is the case.