Lovely relaxing, mindfull things that make you stressed as fuck....

[Acta]

Earlier this year, I decided to get loads of houseplants because they're meant to be calming.
Nothing has ever had me so bloody stressed...

Some died which made me sad.

Others don't look at all healthy which makes me feel useless.

Others are fine but just look at bit naff in the space I've put them which makes me feel disappointed.

Others have thrived to the point where I've had to re-pot them which has made me happy.

But that's also meant I've needed to buy new pots which makes me feel broke.

And new pots means their original pots are just hanging around now which makes me feel like my house is cluttered.

But then if I buy new plants to go in the now empty pots, I feel stressed because I worry that these new plants might die.

Ad infinitum.

In short - my plans for living among greenery, having purified air, feeling calm among living things has not fucking worked at all

Please tell me what lovely calming, relaxing, mindful things you've done which have totally backfired....

Mindfulness workshops at work make me stressed! Empty your mind they tell you, I can’t. I just end up counting or reciting the alphabet in my head, and waiting for the torment to end!

I can’t have a massage without thinking ‘am I enjoying this, did I get the full hour, how long to go’ etc. Ridiculous

I got given a wellbeing journal when I was in hospital. I wasn't well enough even to look at it until about 3 weeks ago, when I thought it would do me good to write down some of my thoughts and feelings.
I opened it up for the first time and it immediately got my back up! Instead of the lovely blank pages I was expecting, each page was full of bits YOU HAD TO FILL IN!!! Starting with the date, then lots of wanky bits like, 'how do I feel today?' 'what are my goals?', 'what has made me feel happy?', 'what has made me feel sad?'.
NO NO NO! I don't want to have to fill in information because the page tells me to! I want a stream of thoughts and feelings to issue from my mind to my paper via my pen without being instructed on what to write. It feels like homework and I'M NOT DOING IT!

Doing the relaxation bit at the end of yoga classes.
i’m usually dying for a pee and can’t relax in a room full of strangers anyway, never mind the mating whales/ tinkly chimes music they always play which is irritating at the best of times.

Almost all of it. I'm the same with plants and it's such a waste of money, time and is very guilt inducing.

I recently attended a pain management session, the climax of which was a lot of chat about mindfulness and having us all lie on the floor and do deep breathing. Apparently 'almost everyone' loves this part of the session and the feedback is always amazing...

I'm unsure what at all about lying on a rock hard grubby mat in the local shabby village hall with a bunch of bewildered and awkward strangers could be relaxing or generate mindfulness. My back was killing me and I was counting down the minutes to get out and get home.

I think I'm just not really suited to most supposedly relaxing activities. For example:
Nice relaxing bath- reality= either painfully hot at first or quickly goes cold. Can't see because it makes my glasses fog up. hair gets wet and/or frizzy and too long to wash and properly rinse in the bath so end up having to shower afterwards to wash my hair.

Spa day and massage- was persuaded to do this with friends once and never again. Stress of having to be 'presentable' in swimwear for a day when not actually doing proper swimming, stress of knowing what to do and how to behave for the massage (what to wear, whether it's OK to have it in still wet swimwear, what to say, the struggle to get in to the right place on the bed, worry about whether I might relax too much and fart etc etc).

I’m probably an outlier but yoga when they constantly go on about breathing and proper breathing and then instead of the exercises it’s all I can think about . Also I don’t find deep breaths and taking them
relaxing or calming… it makes me feel lightheaded .. I just feel they distract from the actual exercises going on and on about breathing… and also “just focus on your head, shoulders etc , loosen them up… wtaf does that mean… it actually sounds like bs and just filler words ..yoga is not for me obviously..

same as a pp - the end bit of yoga where you are supposed to lie with your eyes closed. It’s uncomfortable and weird and I can’t wait for it to be over.

Yoga!! Fucking DESPISE yoga!!! The smug breathing, the sighing, the overall yoga-teacher vibe, but also the actual bending over double etc just makes me so furious.

Absolutely adore Pilates though, especially reformer Pilates.

Spa days, actually spas in general.

• The scented candles/oils that give me a headache
• The low lighting which means I can't read my book, which I love to do to relax
• People putting their hands all over me aka massage, especially pedicures
• Steam rooms & saunas I struggle to breathe in
• Having to walk round in my swimsuit all day

I hate it all! Would much rather go to a theme park or restaurant or cafe

Another vote for yoga. I've tried a few times because everyone says it's all manner of wonderful, but it just does my head in.

Swimming is wonderfully relaxing and therapeutic for me.. Until I hear the distinct sound of random bloke blowing his nose into the water 🤢
Even worse when they have left the pool before I arrive, leaving their floating snot behind.

Pedicure, this bloody thing burns my feet. Just no.

Massages because I have ticklish sides and I always have to concentrate so hard not to flinch but I’m too embarrassed to say to the therapist. But I like all the other parts so I still go for them sometimes 😂

Baths for me too.

Very boring, so I bring in a book, then I worry about the book getting wet. I have to keep shifting around because I'm so uncomfortable. My mind is free to dwell on all the things I need to do and I start to feel stressed thinking about about it all. When i had a small child at home they would be banging on the door wanting to get in with me. Now I have older children at home they will be banging on the door asking where the TV remote/their school tie/their favourite jumper is. Not fun.

Holidays- hate them

@Acta im having a shite day but your post makes me laugh so much

I hate all those ASMR videos that are meant to be pleasing and relaxing and it's people wasting soap by cutting it weirdly (ok they could reshape it and use it but I bet they don't) or "ASMR cooking" with people chopping, squashing and cooking things really loudly. Just makes me shudder.

Another vote for the end relaxation in yoga. I get the giggles almost every single time and it ends up painful trying to stay quiet when others are taking it seriously. I love Pilates though.

I hope your day gets better

I've never actually done yoga but y'all totally convincing me to never, ever try it!

Gardening - I would like it to be...
Appreciating nature
Wildlife haven
Watching things grow
Taking my mind off miserable stuff

The reality...
Tired, achy, too much digging, lugging heavy stuff.
Things die. Most things really. Or get eaten.
Gloves not waterproof.
Veg undersized or pooed on by foxes/cats
Bulbs stolen by squirrels.

You get the idea.

On the flip side I love yoga

Yes! Going for a massage/spa day/osteopath appointmet thinking ‘FINALLY this will sort me out’ but then immediately handing over the best part of £100 which makes me feel stressed all over again!

OH, I got this book years ago and it tells you all you need to know about keeping houseplants in good health. There are pictures of everything that might go wrong and what to do about it, written in plain English.

https://blackwells.co.uk/bookshop/product/The-House-Plant-Expert-by-D-G-Hessayon/9780903505352

Getting my nails done. I sit there waiting to be allowed to go as the fucking nails take hours to dry and start having panic attacks staring at myself in the mirror.