For the first time in my adult life I just don't want to wake up tomorrow

[TsunamiPam]

I just feel done.
I'm a student, working full time on placement, two children, single parent, dc is a school refuser and I have to spend up to two hours trying to get her into school each morning. I'm late nearly every day, have to stay late to catch up.
I'm failing at my uni work despite getting a first in my first few assignments. I have a great academic tutor but he can't solve all my problems.
I'm skint. Super skint. Don't know how I'm going to put money in my car to get to work this week. Pay day isn't until 31st. I won't have any money for Christmas as I haven't been able to save.
I don't have any light at the end of the tunnel. With my daughters needs and increasing reluctance to go to school there's just not going to be any way I can go into my chosen career, I'm just not reliable. I'm going to be back in minimum wage admin jobs, not using my potential. Not doing what I love.
I just feel lost. There's no sign of things getting better. There's no help. I'm not entitled to student finance or UC as I'm being paid a bursary by the department of health, and if I leave I have to pay it back.

So, are you doing an apprenticeship? Is there any way you can take a year off? I did when I was doing masters.

Bless you, you have a lot going on. What course are you doing? Could you apply to a hardship fund through uni?

I feel for you OP, that’s a heavy load, do you have any support?

I've had the hardship fund. It didn't cover anywhere near the amount of UC I've lost for childcare. I don't think anything will be different in a year. My DD is getting more challenging, not less.

There is light, there's always light. Sometimes I live minute to minute but it does end. Could you ring Mind or the Samaritans just to chat? It does help.

Hope I don't sound condescending with this, when I go through hard times I always say to myself "keep plodding, don't give up", and somehow eventually I catch a break, and it improves. Till the next challenge.

Have you looked into the Council's household support fund. It varies depending on where you live but might be an option.

@Keepingittogetherstepbystep I don't think I'd be eligible because it was a planned decision to go onto the course and lose my entitlement to UC. I thought I could survive but I'm just not coping.

I understand how hard it is with a school refuser, I had one, and juggling other commitments on top. Does your daughter have special needs, autism or similar? Some things you could do if applicable:
Apply for EHCP if she doesn't have one
Apply for DLA if not already receiving
See about suspending studies for a year if possible
Do you have any family locally? How old is your dd?
In the end I had to home educate my dd, and it took years, but they do get more independent and things do sort themselves out one way or another.

I don't say this lightly, and I don't think you should be in this position but maybe now is not the right time to be a student.

When you pay back a bursary it'll be on a payment plan, so it won't be a lump sum.

You may find a different course is more flexible, maybe open uni. You could work part-full time and do uni work in the evenings/spare time.

When things are inescapably tough, you have nothing to lose when there are tough choices. Postponing your studies is a far better choice than being this unhappy.

What qualifications do you have? How long have you been studying?

@orchardsquare no EHCP, the school aren't being helpful with my application. I was rejected once and I didn't know about the process, how to appeal etc. I think I just can't focus on it at the moment.

@TravellingT I have a degree and I'm studying towards a masters. I could study part time but ultimately the job itself means I have to be in the hospital at a certain time each day. Even In the community I will have set appointments which I will have to keep. I don't want to do anything else. I've had a million jobs over the years and I just get bored.

She may have got bullied at school or just something that make her not wanting to go.

@alice9263 no it's been roughly the same since she was 2. It comes and go's in terms of intensity but in general it's just the separation which is intolerable for her.

If you already have a degree why would you be destined for only admin jobs? I don't have anything higher than a level 3 diploma and I'm in a decent job now after a few years working my way up. It doesn't sound like your current set up is sustainable

Sorry school aren't being helpful. Maybe they don't realise all the struggles you have getting her in (I made this mistake and assumed school knew more than they did about dd's needs). I understand if you don't have the headspace for it right now but would still apply for an EHCP, using the template letter from IPSEA.

I know you said you are a single parent.

Are there any, and I mean any resources that you can pull on to help you out here?

Can you check your benefits? Are you getting child maintenance at all/the right amount? Can grandparents help at all?

Even in terms of just finishing the course of study - your uni may have a hardship fund that you can apply for. Speak to your personal tutor (I know some are chocolate teapots but most will try to help).

Again, just in terms of getting through this course and then reassessing - how old is your child who is school refusing? Can she be left at home on her own?

How old is your DC?

In a lot of ways I can relate, I have two DCs with special needs of different types that are not immediately obvious. One of them is not exactly a school refuser but there are a lot of parallels.

Anyway. In our case the school has been absolutely amazing and I wouldn’t have been able to make it this far without them. Are your school aware of the full situation?

We’re currently doing autism and ADHD assessments. The second one was the surprise for us.

@Octavia64 she's 8 and no she can't. I'm actually studying to be a social worker so I'm quite good at navigating the benefits system. I'm in no man's land as I'm not a student but not eligible for benefits as my bursary is counted as other income rather than like wages.

@TheBeatles my school are very aware they just don't want to help. Yesterday we were both crying in the reception area for almost an hour, me begging her, her screaming. They see her hit me, they see her in a non verbal catatonic state, completely shutting down. I think they want us to leave so they aren't supporting us. My next plan is to go to ofsted

Actually now I've seen it's a masters course I've changed my mind a bit. Less than a year - maybe only five months to go, rather than another three years. I know easier said than done, but if you can get any family, or neighbours/school friends to help, I think this could be doable.

@orchardsquare I actually have quite a lot of support but it's the drop offs which are the only issue. I can't ask anyone else to come to my house at 8am and do the school drop off everyday. It's just too much to ask. They're all elderly or work or can't drive. Plus the few times they've done it (when I've been in London for my course) they've found she's the same. It's leaving what she knows which triggers her.

I’m so sorry to hear this OP. My DD is exactly the same but younger. We do now have an autism diagnosis for her. We’ve been accepted to be assessed for an EHCP but the process takes ages & isn’t a solution to school refusal in the short term. Our school also haven’t been very helpful, they keep telling us we need to get her in on time. As if we aren’t trying! It’s a nightmare. Unfortunately my DD is no longer attending school because she was getting so stressed. I have a health condition & not currently working so it’s possible but not ideal. It’s so hard, I just wanted to say you aren’t alone.

With my daughters needs and increasing reluctance to go to school there's just not going to be any way I can go into my chosen career straight away.
Your DD will grow up and change.

You're doing an amazing amount, you're working so hard.

Can you call Samaritans to get some emotional support with how you're feeling today.

The fact you feel the way you do today shouldn't be ignored. I hear you

Can you just have a relative come to watch the child in your home? Let her miss school for now. It's not ideal but she can't be allowed to derail your entire family and she's probably not learning much anyway.