For the first time in my adult life I just don't want to wake up tomorrow

[TsunamiPam]

I just feel done.
I'm a student, working full time on placement, two children, single parent, dc is a school refuser and I have to spend up to two hours trying to get her into school each morning. I'm late nearly every day, have to stay late to catch up.
I'm failing at my uni work despite getting a first in my first few assignments. I have a great academic tutor but he can't solve all my problems.
I'm skint. Super skint. Don't know how I'm going to put money in my car to get to work this week. Pay day isn't until 31st. I won't have any money for Christmas as I haven't been able to save.
I don't have any light at the end of the tunnel. With my daughters needs and increasing reluctance to go to school there's just not going to be any way I can go into my chosen career, I'm just not reliable. I'm going to be back in minimum wage admin jobs, not using my potential. Not doing what I love.
I just feel lost. There's no sign of things getting better. There's no help. I'm not entitled to student finance or UC as I'm being paid a bursary by the department of health, and if I leave I have to pay it back.

Has your daughter been assessed for SEN - the catatonic state that you mentioned instantly made me think of ASD.

Have you tried another school? What is it that she hates about school? i'm sorry, it all sounds so hard.

I know you are overwhelmed right now, so not for now, but they reject nearly all EHCPs first time round. It's a way of saving money.

I'm sorry if this comes across as asking lots of questions. My DD also school refused and it's a really hard road.

If you can stitch stuff together to at least get the masters then it's worth trying to.

I know you said you had a lot of support but they are elderly/don't drive etc. If you can get someone to take on the drop offs it would clearly make a world of difference. I know it would be an absolutely massive ask if someone, but it is the kind of thing I would do for my family, as although I am old I do have experience working with kids.

Ask. They can only say no.

@moonbeammagic yes she's on the waiting list for asd and adhd. I don't think much will change after diagnosis though. It's the EHCP I need.

@saythatagaintome I don't know what you want me to respond. It's common to feel how I am. I love my children but I think when we have children we all assume that they will be able to go to school! I think most parents assume that until they find that there is really no certainty of that.

OP get in touch with IPSEA. They should be able to help you with the EHCP.

Hi everyone. We've had a few reports and so would like to share our usual cautions on threads involving financial hardship. Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board – if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been here. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.

So we always ask users to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are – and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong. We strongly advise against parting with any cash or giving away your personal details, and if you receive a PM that makes you uneasy - report it to us and we’ll take a look.

Sorry to hijack your thread briefly there, OP – we really hope things get easier for you. Please also take a look at our Mental health webguide where you can find some links to support IRL.

Take the long view.
She is 8 now, so it is only 10 years until she is 18.
How old are you? You won't be getting your pension until about 67 or 68, so how many more years of work do you have ahead of you?

You will have plenty of time to do a masters, have a career, etc. when she is a bit older.
Think about dropping the masters for now, stay home on UC for a while, or a flexible self-employed gig-job (maybe not possible if you have a mortgage), but however you manage it you need to drop as much of the load as you can, to put her first for the next few years.

I absolutely understand. I have two the SEN, both of which have school refused at one time or another. It's incredibly stressful and hard. The only answer for us was home education at one time or another (which was only possible as I was part time work and studying online, and could juggle with outside help, so I know it's not for everyone), but it was totally unsustainable keeping DS there whilst we waited for an EHC (still waiting, 18 months later, but that's a whole other thread). Full time education doesn't have to be 9 until 3 every day, it's much more flexible. Would the school consider a reduced timetable? Sorry they aren't supporting; sometimes they really don't get that for some children it's "can't" not "won't".

I really really feel for you OP.
Is there anything practical advice wise that may possibly help ?
Keep your head up, use Vinted for any Xmas presents, food banks and try to view Xmas as just another day, go super simple and try to take one tiny step at a time.
Sending you a massive hug x

Great so now people don't believe me either. I don't know why people think this is a begging thread when money won't even help my situation. The only help possible would be cloning myself.

I notice you said you were an hour in reception with her crying.
Obviously I have no idea of the situation but could you leave her for the school to deal with? It is a reasonably common occurance and the school should be on hand to help and most would.

OP I am so sorry you are going through this. I experienced a very similar situation with one of my DC while studying and working full time and it was absolute hell. Some days l just wanted to end it. It is very difficult to see a way through when you are that stressed and no-one seemed to understand how bad it was. Can you take DD out of school until you have finished your qualification? She is only 8 - it won’t matter if she misses school for a bit and that level of distress isn’t good for either of you. If you can do some work from home great - for the rest of it call in all the help you can to come and look after her. Would that work?

@Redmat they've said I'm not allowed to leave her. They encourage me to take her home even when I say that I can't

My daughter was like this. Thankfully, school would tell me to leave so they could coax her in. If they hadn't done that, she'd never have gotten used to it. She suffers from social anxiety.

@RunWater that's exactly how I feel, I feel like there's so many components to my stress that if one goes away, there will still be ten plus more.
Work- being late, obviously not sustainable. Trying to make a good impression so they hire me after I qualify. Don't want to let my clients down either as they have so much going on.
Uni- I just feel exhausted. I don't feel I that I'm achieving my potential. I can't think straight. I can't focus on reading due to stress and my own mental health.
Money- I've got high interest credit cards, it's literally hundreds of pounds in interest per month, both maxed out. Terrible credit so no hope of an interest free balance transfer. Credit card companies don't care.
Kids dad is alcohol dependent and can't have them on his own. Last time I asked him to have her as a last resort he took her to the pub for the day and when I came back he could barely stand and she was completely disregulated from having to sit in a pub, drinking coke after coke with him.
Mental health is just screwed. I don't mean to moan, and it's nothing compared to others but I just dread waking up every day. This is purely circumstantial I am not a naturally depressed person but I've had so much happen in the last year and there's just no end to it all.

School telling you to take your daughter home is an illegal exclusion, they can't do that.
Speak to the education welfare dept at your local council. As for a multi disciplinary meeting.
She is entitled to a full time education and the school must facilitate that.
Hoping things improve xx

Oh my God. You poor woman. Do you have any friends or family who could take her for a day or a weekend to give you a break?

@Wolfathedoor thing is that I have quite a bit of time without them. When I'm at work and one day of the weekend when they go to their paternal grandparents. It's not really that I need a break, I just need my daughter to go into school so I can work 9/5 Monday to Friday when I have my client appointments and support from my supervisor as I'm not really allowed to lone work yet.

@Angrywife thanks for that, I didn't know that. They tell me I should 'try again tomorrow' often!

I am so sorry Op. Maybe worth trying student hardship again? I have had students be awarded something twice.

Could you suspend studies? Please do talk to your tutor if you can.

I hear you on the school stuff. I am mid EHCP process and losing my shit, it is a horrible process. The time and distress of your DD not being able to go in is all encompassing, I totally get that. Have you tried Sendiass? I have found mine helpful (you need the local one) https://www.kids.org.uk/sendiass-home/ Parent carer forms have been a godsend too for a sanity check, they get it. Not sure if your area has one . Mine did a recent EBSA workshop and are good company for crying/ranting...

Sending much love and strength your way.

The school should have a plan and be talking to you about how the situation will be managed. They can't just tell you to take her home!

I realised that my response might have sounded too 'problem solvy', apologies if so. you have so much on your plate and I totally hear how difficult this all is.

As hard as it may be, I think you should see her into school and leave. They can't pick and choose whether or not they will deal with your child, she has a legal right to an education and they have to provide this. Unless she is actually ill and likely to spread an infection they can't ask you to remove her either. It needs a full process including governing body approval before she can be excluded, what is the head thinking? Bonkers behaviour.