When did you start leaving your children on their own at home?

[arintingly]

My 7 year old is starting to be asked to be left on his own when we are doing things like dropping the younger one off somewhere.

So far I have said no, but he keeps asking me and it's made me realise that I don't have a clear idea in my mind of when it would be ok

I'm thinking about starting to leave him for up to around half an hour from maybe when he's 8? Then look to build that up to an hour by the time he is 10. Does that seem reasonable? Not sure what others do

12 but by then they were expected to get public transport to school and back. Take the dogs for a walk and would spend a Saturday at Richmond Park with their friends. By 16 they were making their own way to Dr or dental appointments.

Around 5 while I ran my errands.

This has to be a joke?

Currently 8 year old DS for the 5-10 minutes the school run takes. Local shops are to far away to leave him on his own but I might consider it if his big brother was also home. I know his friend who is also 8 has been left alone for about 20 minutes. I don't know if it factored in that he was chatting to my DS online at the time. Eldest DS 11 up to 1.5 hours, he's very sensible. He was 7 when I first left him alone for the 5-10 minutes or the school run. Youngest 7 I'm not sure when I'll be letting him stay alone as he's completely irresponsible and impulsive. I think it depends a lot on the child.

As a teacher if I found out that a child of SEVEN or younger was regularly left home alone I'd be reporting it as a safeguarding concern!

Have there been many? I know myself and another were saying our children would have been 5 or 6 when they would have passed a checklist posted, not that we would leave them at that age.

One said she left her 5 and 6 year olds a few times, and I left my 6 year old (regularly for a few months, until I went on maternity leave)

My DD was just talking about this the other day, she thinks its insane how British people don't let their children stay home alone or walk home alone until so much older. She asked if I would have let her walk to and from school alone at the same age if we lived in the UK - said I would but I'd probably get reported to social services!

Year 3 and the start of juniors seems like a sensible point to start giving a little bit of independence and building up each year. I think the transition to secondary feels massive otherwise if suddenly they’re thrust into making their own way to school and back. I don’t think the model of chucking independence at 11 year olds is that fair.

Some of it is child related as well. My eldest would have been quite happy to be left from 4/5- she was an independent soul from the word go. My youngest is that age now and still feels very little- it will be a long time before she’d be ready.

I think the fear of being reported means many wait. Child protection in the state where we were living advised mandatory reporters like teachers on the thresholds for reporting. Up to two hours at age 8 or 9 was okay on its own (without other concerns) so I waited until then.

When started high school, so 11.

Rule here is 13 for any length of time, and 13 yo can not be left in charge of anyone younger. Have a 15yo 13, 11 and 9 and 15yo stays with everyone for an hour or two during the day not at night. The biggest thing really is something out of their control happening really- a guy came to the door once and banged on it assuming we couldn’t hear him (plumber, we weren’t expecting him) and ds 13 stayed up in his room FREAKING OUT. Another time a strange dog got into the garden and was fighting with another dog and 15 and 13yo rang asking what to do. We told them to go into the sitting room that the neighbour would hear and come in and get the dog but we were worried in case one tried to go out to help. Neighbour rang us to apologise and said he knocked on the window and they jumped a mile

I started leaving DD briefly in Year 5, so age 9. She had a phone by then and we slowly built up to a couple of hours by year 6, coupled with walking home from school alone.
I think 7 is a little bit young - if you locked the front door when you left would she be able to open it in an emergency? Would she know what to do if someone came to the door?

You will find huge variations to what other people do though, at the end of the day it depends on the maturity of the child.

Yes this is part of my thinking.

When he is 11 he will need to get to and from school on his own and be on his own after school a couple of days a week and some days in the holidays. So I can't really wait until 11 or it will be a lot at once.

I always think in these circumstances something went wrong how would it be reported. A child of 7 or 8, it seems like neglect for them to be home alone unless it was an absolute emergency situation.

Plenty of time from age 10 to build up independence.

What is a long period of time?!
A have left mine alone from aged 7 for 15 mins, then 8 about an 8/9. By 10 up to 2 hours (DD I could have left all day as she is incredibly sensible and grown up, she has been cooking meals for the family since 9, and in all honesty is more organised than me.
I have always tried to make them independent. At 8 I played out for hours without parental supervision. Children are very capable of given space and skills.
We prepped them by talking through lots of different scenarios. They also knew never to use the cooker when we were out.
One time we were out we had a burst pipe, DS was 9 at the time, he found a bucket put it under the water, sent his 8 year ild brother to get a neighbour whilst he phoned me, I explained about the stopcock. By the time the neighbour came it had stopped pouring water. Not a dire emergency but made me confident in him.

The variation is quite startlingly! From 5 to 13, I think the range of answers has been. Particularly surprised by those saying 11+ just because I wouldn't have thought that was very practical but I guess a lot of people still WFH full time. We are hybrid working so generally one of us will be around after school but sometimes both of us will have meetings in person on the same day

I also didn't think of DS of as that mature but maybe I don't give him enough credit given the number of posters implying children his age wouldn't be able to deal with things like people at the door or opening the door- he already knows not to open the front door if someone rings but to wait for one of us, he is very clear that you leave the house if the smoke alarm goes off etc. Of course anyone can panic in an emergency but he is a cautious sensible child.

He doesn't (obviously) have a phone though and I think before we try this he will need a way to contact us. I am considering one of those watches you can text and call from for when he is 8/9 and we can try out short outings then

The amount of posters misinterpreting my post is amazing! I’m not leaving them to do the weekly shop, I’m leaving them for 2-3 minutes in a controlled environment to help instil a sense of safety and responsibility. The very last time was 10 minutes to pop to the shop to get milk (2 minute walk). But we’d built up to that and they asked to stay at home.

you can say all the safety rules until you’re blue in the face but children need to practice things like doorbell safety otherwise you end up like me, with two confused Jehovah’s witnesses standing in the hallway because you didn’t hear the door bell in the shower and your child thinks ‘it’s probably nanny’.

or you end up like the previous poster whose 13 year old quivers at the plumber.

as previous posters have said, it all depends on the child, where you live, how mature they are etc

That could only give you a year, from nothing to potentially leaving an empty house, getting to school, then getting themselves home to an empty house five days a week. The child may also be moving from a primary with an intake of 30 to a secondary with an intake of 200. It's a huge leap. It may be necessary for a child who simply is not ready to be left any sooner but I would prefer to allow two years to build up to that.

I used to leave mine age 4&6 to take the bins out. No one would quibble at that...

It took up to 15 minutes! Multiple bins having to be pulled up to the end of the street and recycling retrieved from the garage...

Perspective is a funny thing. It takes me less time to go for a bottle of milk than it did to take those bins out. It had to be done between 7pm and 7am so I couldn't wait until they were out or awake!

Around 10 alone. First about 20-30 minutes then gradually increasing. Both dc at home together 11&9 for around 30 minutes as I left for work and dp finished.

Dd2 is 11 in March and we left her for the first time recently alone. I dropped dp and dd1 at a sports match.

Dd1 often let's herself in one night a week and is home alone for 30 minutes or longer while dd2 is collected from school. We have a key safe fitted for access to keys if needed.

Year 7.

Left the youngest on his own just before he was 10, to go and collect his elder brother. Only for about 15 minutes. Not needed to leave him for longer periods as he likes to come out with me.

Eldest would have been 11, but this was due to no need to leave him alone before then. He is now 13 and spends longer periods of time alone.

We don’t leave them together yet, the 13 year old can be mean to his brother.

8 yr old for up to an hour. 10 yr old for a few hours. And I’ve occasionally left the 10 yr old with his 5 yr old brother for 10-20 mins. My 7 yr old I think wouldn’t want left alone even next year. It’s just her personality.

I disagree completely. Teaching a child to be independent and confident when not supervised is an essential development milestone.

7 might be too young, but not much. Dd is 8 and I leave her to.drop ds at his activity. She knows the rules, we have helpful and friendly neighbours and we have alexas in the house so I dropped in on her the first few times. Now that it's getting dark earlier, she chooses not to stay at home most times. Fine. But I want her to learn that confidence.

Recently, her and dh got separated when out. Dd was scared but she held it together and did 100% the right thing and they were quickly reunited. Because she has been taught how to cope and given opportunities to practice in a safe way.

It does seem strange that in other European countries, 7 year olds can, and do, walk to school alone and we quibble at leaving an 11 year old at home for even a short period of time. Perhaps we should be slowly moving towards fostering independance in children and developing their common sense from a young age.