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Original poster

When did you start leaving your children on their own at home?

124 replies

arintingly · 13/11/2023 16:27

My 7 year old is starting to be asked to be left on his own when we are doing things like dropping the younger one off somewhere.

So far I have said no, but he keeps asking me and it's made me realise that I don't have a clear idea in my mind of when it would be ok

I'm thinking about starting to leave him for up to around half an hour from maybe when he's 8? Then look to build that up to an hour by the time he is 10. Does that seem reasonable? Not sure what others do

OP posts:
villagelife1992 · 13/11/2023 17:45

I left mine for half an hour from age 7.

Echobelly · 13/11/2023 17:46

A lot is dictated by circumstance, really. I think for popping to corner shop (which is literally under 50m away) we allowed that when the youngest child at home was 8 because from that age we were allowing them to go to the cornershop./giving them errands because we wanted them to learn to manage doing that.

For longer jaunts, the thing that moved the dial was Covid, though it probably would have happened at that age anyway I think - when it struck, kids were 11 and 8, very sensible 11 year old. DH and I would sometimes just want some time to ourselves so a few times during lockdown we went on daytime walks for an hour or two, or to Costco where the kids hated going (Costco date!)

You'll probably find it just happens when, for example, you might realise there's a short window when child/ren will be at home and no adults, and you'll figure you can either go through a massive kerfuffle to make sure they're not alone for half an hour, or you can just allow it. There just comes a point where ensuring an adult is there becomes not worth it and you'll know when you've got there.

GentlemansRelish · 13/11/2023 17:55

DS is 11, and only this past few months, really, since he's had a phone because he's started to walk home from school solo or with friends, and become more confident with navigating around the city by himself and being home alone -- we moved countries, and from a small village to a large city just before Covid, so he'd been adjusting to a new place. And we live close to the city centre, so there are issues with traffic and a certain amount of inevitable anti-social behaviour.

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Canisaysomething · 13/11/2023 17:59

The NSPCC advise that children younger than 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for long periods of time, that is end of primary/ start of secondary age.

A 7/8 year old is beginning of junior school age, they’re just out of infants school. Way too young in my opinion. I have DC this age and definitely wouldn’t consider leaving them alone.

Canisaysomething · 13/11/2023 18:02

Can you imagine an adult saying now that they didn’t grow up properly because they weren’t left alone enough as a child?! There is no NEED to leave a young child alone, it isn’t a part of essential development. Supervising young children is basic safety.

LemonadePockets · 13/11/2023 18:11

I have a 7yr old, she’s sensible for her age. I live next to family & on occasions have left her briefly while I pop to the shop which is about a 3min walk away. I keep her on FaceTime while I’m out. She has Asperger’s and sometimes just can’t deal with shops and people, I’m confident that she’s not going to do anything silly like try to light anything or shave her legs while I’m out. I don’t know if I would leave her longer than 10/15mins though.

Original poster
arintingly · 13/11/2023 18:18

Canisaysomething · 13/11/2023 17:59

The NSPCC advise that children younger than 12 are rarely mature enough to be left alone for long periods of time, that is end of primary/ start of secondary age.

A 7/8 year old is beginning of junior school age, they’re just out of infants school. Way too young in my opinion. I have DC this age and definitely wouldn’t consider leaving them alone.

Yeah but the NSPCC guidance is clearly quite different to usual practice in that the lack of childcare for 11 year olds suggests most parents do leave children from 11.

OP posts:
caringcarer · 13/11/2023 18:19

14

PuttingDownRoots · 13/11/2023 18:24

Left DD1 home at 10yo. She just got fed up being dragged out to her sisters activities. I felt happier leaving her in walking distance than driving distance. Also first in the day, and now in evenings too (until 9pm)

Started leaving them together at 9&11. Again first in walking distance, then short drives.

Now DD2 is 10yo and she is also left alone for short periods.

We are a singe adult household most of the time (DH in army) so they've had to be a bit more independent than a lot of their friends.

Gymmum82 · 13/11/2023 18:29

9yr up to 1-2 hours been building up to this for a while.
7yr for 10 mins while I pick up the older from a club at the end of the road. 2 min walk.
Leave both together for up to half an hour on odd occasion

Bippitybobbityboing · 13/11/2023 18:38

8.5 for a short (less than ten minutes) run to the shop. Now at 11 I'll happily leave him for 30-60 minutes as long as he has his phone with him so I can check in.

I left him for two hours over the summer holiday as I was doing something so dull he begged and pleaded not to come. However 2 hours felt a stretch to me so I did ask my next door neighbour to keep an eye on him for me.

Natsku · 13/11/2023 18:45

My oldest I left for 30-60 minutes when she was 6, because I had to (she got home from school before I got home from work) but she was more than ready for it, very sensible and confident child. Where I live its normal for children to stay home alone for an hour or two from 7 years old, the national child protection charity advises on how to prepare them for this.

wannabetraveler · 13/11/2023 18:49

My 9 year old gets off the school bus (literally outside our house), lets himself in and is alone for about an hour, twice a week.

He loves it 😍

wannabetraveler · 13/11/2023 18:51

Mumoftwoboysaged4and5 · 13/11/2023 17:14

I’ll probably get flamed for this but I have been leaving my 5 and 6 year olds together alone for between 2-15 minutes over the last three months. (About 4 or 5 times overall). It’s for several reasons, partly because they are watching tv in their pjs after bath and might not want to traipse out to the co op with me, but for me it’s to instil a sense of awareness, responsibility and independence.

My 6 year old loves to come down in the morning and put on the tv, make his breakfast and have time to himself. He can make a weatabix and a drink and knows how to get ready for school. He enjoys this as he feels independent. I also want him to know what to do in case of a fire, how to call someone in an emergency and where to go if anything were to happen.

if I dropped dead, or was incapacitated, he knows where to take his brother and how to get help, but I’ve never scared this into him, it’s just good that he would know what to do.

in Victorian times it was common for children to work in factories from aged 5, which was appalling , but we’ve gone completely the other end of the spectrum and we now don’t teach children basic independence like being trusted alone until they are much older. It should happen in increments so they feel confident and safe.

I will caveat all the above with the fact that I have two children who are incredibly mature for their age and each child is different.

That is very much my philosophy, too.

Hangryhelena · 13/11/2023 18:53

I left my 9 year old very sensible DS on his own whilst I went to collect a parcel
from a neighbour (literally opposite my house) he begged and begged me to as I never left him on his own before. Usually very sensible and well behaved.

whilst I was gone (5 minutes tops) he filmed himself wandering around the house bragging to his friends he was left all alone (and no idea where mum is) and went into every room to prove I wasn’t there. It was only when a school mum mentioned it in passing that I found out.

DS has never been left on his own again, he’s now nearly 11.

don’t mean to scaremonger and sure it’ll be okay but just be very wary of what they can get up to!

Mumaway · 13/11/2023 18:55

We have just started leaving our Yr5 alone for 15mins while we run DD2 to cubs. She is under strict instructions to stay upstairs so noone would see her through ground floor windows if they were to come to front door

Mumoftwoboysaged4and5 · 13/11/2023 18:56

Hangryhelena · 13/11/2023 18:53

I left my 9 year old very sensible DS on his own whilst I went to collect a parcel
from a neighbour (literally opposite my house) he begged and begged me to as I never left him on his own before. Usually very sensible and well behaved.

whilst I was gone (5 minutes tops) he filmed himself wandering around the house bragging to his friends he was left all alone (and no idea where mum is) and went into every room to prove I wasn’t there. It was only when a school mum mentioned it in passing that I found out.

DS has never been left on his own again, he’s now nearly 11.

don’t mean to scaremonger and sure it’ll be okay but just be very wary of what they can get up to!

What did he film himself with? How did he know how to post it? Not judging, I’m just curious.

rookiemere · 13/11/2023 18:56

DS started getting bus from school and being home alone from age 10, and I'd say we were on the lax side with most parents I know.

gerteddy · 13/11/2023 18:56

My 6yr old moans about having to come pick her sister up from nursery. I think it will be a gd few years before I'd leave her. Maybe 9 or 10 at the absolute youngest and only if I think she wld be fine for 10mins.

PuttingDownRoots · 13/11/2023 18:59

Kids mpan about doing lots of things... doesn't mean they shouldn't need to do them. Teeth brushing, showering, homework, going to bed...

Orangebadger · 13/11/2023 18:59

Very much child dependant.
My DD I would leave to pop out for 10/20 min from age 9.

My DS is 6, but I am predicting it highly unlikely I will be able to do the same with him!! No way near as sensible and a born risk taker!

Hangryhelena · 13/11/2023 18:59

His phone, which he was given the previous christmas . I didn’t want him to have one before 11 but all of his friends had one and he felt left out so i relented

HamstersAreMyLife · 13/11/2023 19:05

I used to leave my oldest for 20 mins when I did the school run and there was no other adult around so maybe 5 times. Not left them since but they walk to/from school alone. I offered them to stay at home last week when I went to football so 1.5hrs out of the house which feels long but I ended up not going. I think if they had a phone I'd leave them happily at the moment. I have an 8yo and I wouldn't leave them now at the moment.

Toffeebythesea · 13/11/2023 19:07

Mumsnet is such a contradictory place. The other day there was a thread where a good majority of people were allowing their children to play outside unsupervised from as young as 5.
Yet on this thread people are waiting until 10/11 to leave their children home alone for a short period.
I personally feel it's much less of a risk to leave your child unsupervised inside their home than outside.
My DC is 9 and I will leave them for a short period no problem. I would not however allow them to play out in the street unsupervised

TheSeasonalNameChange · 13/11/2023 19:08

It definitely depends on the situation. My 6 year old has played at friends houses with big gardens where they are further from the house playing in the garden than they are if we pop to the shop in our village but we've not done that without them yet. We have let them play in the playground for 5 mins when there are other kids about too that they know from school as they wouldn't need to cross the road to get there if they needed to come home.

I think it's quite healthy developmentally to have a level of responsibility young to learn about taking risks. If they never learn they'll either never take any risks or they'll pick the bad ones.