Shag, Marry, Kill: Thomas the Tank Edition

[UnlimitedChipsAndSalsa]

Well, you've been forced to become a Thomas the Tank expert against your will. You might as well have some fun with it.

I'll go first...
Shag: Victor (he's always fixing engines, so he must behind with his...wheels?)
Marry: Toby (one of the few consistently nice ones)
Kill: 'Arry (and make Bert watch as a warning)

lol

There are so many generations of TtTE that we will be talking different characters.

Shag ... Not that I fancy girls, but Mavis is dead sensible. It'd be no strings attached James is solid too.
Marry... Percy is my sweetheart. Daft, but you know, how could you not love him.
Kill ... Gordon maybe, omg the pomposity; or Henry for being a Ninny

Shag - Gordon
Marry - Henry
Kill - Fat Controller

(disclaimer - I don't know any of the characters later than the books of the 1970s)

Yay! I am a straight woman for context.

Shag: Annie, she's "always pulled by Thomas" so must be good at it.
Marry: Clarabel, two of us to hoover.
Kill: The fat controller, pompous bossy twat.

Ooh weirdly fun.

Shag - James. Fast red engine, bet he's a bit of a go-er.
Marry - the fat controller, obviously! He's the one with all the cash 🤣
Kill - any of the new annoying ones. Or Henry, the mopey fucker. No more special coal for you, Henry!

Shag - Flying Scotsman (he was nice, unlike his brother, Gordon)
Marry - Stepney the bluebell engines, he's nice and polite.
Kill - A toss up between Daisy and James (both awful)

No strings attached! Good thinking!

"two of us to hoover" made me giggle! Wait, in your dream world you still have to do half of the hoovering?!?

Another one who hasn’t watched/read TtT since 2000s so might be horribly out of date but…

Shag- the Troublesome Trucks (they’ll be pushing you to ‘come’ first….)
Marry- I’m already married to Cranky so my second marriage would be more sensible and has to be Sir Topham Hat
Kill- Ringo Starr, having listened to him far too many times

Gordon's known for 'pulling the express', so he might not last long...

I look after a toddler who is just getting into Thomas, so it’s on in our house for the first time in years. What has happened to it? Where did the theme tune go? I’ve had to learn lyrics!

Oh, that's all right - for a one off, an express non-stop service is fine!

Haha! Well, it would be efficient!

Def shag Gordon. He's "the biggest engine"

Oooh interesting!

Shag: Gordon
Marry: Edward or Hiro
Kill: Spencer has the most punchable face!!

Love this.

For me, James. To all the questions.

When we're done please can we do this again but for the Octonauts :)

Shag - the fat controller, fancy a bit of a commanding shag
Marry - Annie, organised and fit will do all the boring house admin
Kill - Thomas in a gruesome slightly perverted way which means he is canceled forever and I never have to read another of those boring fucking books ever again.

Completely agree about Spencer's punchable face! My 'Kill' list is quite long actually.

Spot on

Of the human characters, Sir Robert Norramby is reminiscent of the Earl of Twickenham...you could flounce around Ulfstead Castle and go for rides on Steven whenever you wanted. Ahem.

https://amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jul/23/all-the-trains-in-my-sons-train-podcast-ranked-by-how-much-i-hate-them

If anyone needs help with the kill list 😆

I thought I knew everyone, but you proved me wrong with Sir Robert Norramby!

From the earliest era:

Shag Edward (because he's always eager to please)

Marry Harold the Helicopter (because he's obviously rich)

Murder Gordon (because he's pompous and that reminds me of my ex-husband)

I think we could engineer a landslide to make most of these murders look like accidents...

As long as you remember to take out The Railway Children first (or destroy their flannel petticoats).