Ever see a post so specific that you are sure you know the OP, IRL?

[chessica]

For ages I’ve wondered if friends, family, colleagues, neighbours etc use mumsnet but I suppose most people wouldn’t really say if they did. Recently I’ve seen a really identifying post, which is a very big coincidence if it’s NOT the person I know!!

Got me thinking - how many people have recognised someone?

I name change a lot and change details in my posts so even if someone recognised me in one they couldn’t find me elsewhere. I have been recognised in the past.

Just straight-up unexpectedly recognised someone, once. They posted something very specific that meant I was sure they were another parent of a child in DC1's class, and then in another post around the same time mentioned some things that made me pretty sure who they were.

A couple of people I recognised over time because we were on the same threads a lot and a bunch of little details lined up.

Plus one FB friend posted almost exactly the same post on here as on Facebook on the same day, which was a bit of a clue.

I've posted fairly detailed posts on here before under different names . But whilst the reason of the post is true I mix up ages / places / timescales etc .
My dcs might gain or lose a year or so , or even in description so 8 year old ds might become dd or my dh might be described as 38 when 42 , just a few points to throw any known person .

I've been talking about a very specific situation in real life about one of my children.

Around the same time I saw a thread by someone else that was the exact same situation, with really specific details.

Anyone who knew me would've thought it was me for sure, but it wasn't! I did end up posting on the thread with a different username...

I remember a thread where the wife posted about her husband. He responded, it was horrible.

I would like to think if I was recognised that I wouldn't care. I try not to post anything too identifying or things that I wouldn't be willing to share in real life. Although sometimes maybe I do jump on the bandwagon in AIBU.

It's not even just what you post, though, but it can be the feeling of being stalked. I'm highly suspicious of people who use Advanced Search in this way - so purely what you've posted on MN, without any additional IRL knowledge - as if they're your psychiatrist, wanting to build up a big detailed picture of your life.

Others may disagree, but to me, AS is to find a specific post, subject or situation; not to cyber-stalk one individual poster with the intention of digging whatever dirt you may be able to find (or twist) and use it against them.

I also sometimes wonder if some of the baby name threads, about unusual names, may be started deliberately to get somebody to identify themselves.

If you're pretty sure that RenfrewMummaOf4 is Fiona, whom you know IRL, but you're not certain - if you know that Fiona has a DS called Phineas, it would be the easiest thing in the world to purposefully begin a thread "Loving the name Phineas - does anybody on here have one and what nicknames does he get called?" and hope that Fiona will see it and bite.

Identified a family member when they posted a picture of their cat!

Stalking and cyber stalking aren't "looking up what someone has said and commenting on it", though.
I think if someone was doing more than that and using it to routinely harass someone, they'd be banned.

It's a useful tool for spotting trolls who aren't even putting in the effort to NC

The baby name thread baiting thing... ooh, that is a bit cunning and I reckon you could be right in some cases! I never say what my kids are called though...

I've recently identified someone who is posting quite frequently. I don't know them personally but they've given so much information about themselves (some accurate and very niche, some conflicting)

I try not to post anything I wouldn’t want my kids/family to see - after all, they are the most able to identify me, through access to my phone, which is signed in to Mumsnet. (I’m sure they don’t look - but they quite easily could. Maybe it will be interesting to them in the future..)

If it’s the same thread I’m thinking of, I feel the same about her last photo. I often think about her and her family.

Stalking and cyber stalking aren't "looking up what someone has said and commenting on it", though.
I think if someone was doing more than that and using it to routinely harass someone, they'd be banned.

It's a useful tool for spotting trolls who aren't even putting in the effort to NC

I see your point about spotting obvious trolls; but if you've made a relatively innocuous comment on something and then somebody comes on and says "That's a very interesting viewpoint you have there, because in March 2018, YOU said..." and then twists something unrelated and completely out of context in a way that they think makes it into a big gotcha.

Not quite the same thing, but it reminds me of something Sara Pascoe said in a routine once, where her boyfriend nonchalantly comments on a(n attractive) mutual friend's holiday in the Caribbean, but in a way where he's obviously been scrolling back through her posting history for the last 8 years, deliberately trying to find a photo of her in a bikini.

@SerafinasGoose ”I'm not afraid of being 'outed' on here,…I have never posted anything I'd be ashamed to let others read,…I'd have no apologies to make, even if I was recognized,”

I feel the same way. Come and say hello if you know me.

More likely to get a bite if you say Phineas is a shit name and only ugly, stupid chavs would choose it.

More likely to get a bite if you say Phineas is a shit name and only ugly, stupid chavs would choose it.

Very true! Could be quite awkward if you do fess up to Fiona later, though

@GrumpyOldCrone I would much rather it wasn't her, but unfortunately the details she has given are so specific that there can be no doubt - dates and places, the nature of the offences, etc.

I'm very keen for justice to be done, and for the victim to be helped, which is why I am prepared to go to court as a witness.

I sometimes worry that someone I know will think I'm a particular poster because it sounds exactly like me.

I saw a post yesterday that had me double checking the username because I thought I had written the post. It was exactly the response I would have written!

Oh god I remember that, it was awful. I was never sure if it was really the husband or someone trolling the OP, but either way it was terrible.

My DS told me he had spotted my post on the Bereavement board when I was within hours of losing my DM and needing support as he'd previously guessed my username after I let slip on something. Never imagined he'd look me up. Should have changed my username. I felt a bit embarrassed he was reading it but it was all good stuff about Mum and he's a wonderful son so really nothing to worry about.

I have never spotted anyway I know in RL but I have met up with people from here and also e-mailed people from here where we swap details. I am quite identifiable if anyone knows me but I'm also not that sociable. 😂I don't care really - I always put the truth and try to be kind but some people were beyond awful to DS when I had cancer/chemo and if they read it and take offence good as he nearly died as a result of their actions and incompetence and will suffer for the rest of his life, I hope we can sue the people who did it but it requires professionals to speak against others and currently they do that verbally but we may need in writing. The lady who died of cancer was very sad especially all the callous people accusing her of lying when she very clearly was not.

I've done that too!

Not quite real life but I once posted on the home/DIY boards for advice on a project I was working on. When it was finished I posted a picture which was recognised by the only person who follows my Instagram that I don’t know in real life. My social media profiles are all private but this person and I both followed the same person and ended up following each other. She messaged me to say she had seen it but that was it.

Occasionally if I’m posting something specific about me or my family I’ll change some details, daughter will become son or vice versa, brother becomes sister, that sort of thing. Just minor changes that might throw anyone I know who sees the post.

I recognised a post from an absolute wanker of an ex husband of a lovely friend of mine.

He was on the legal board trying to get help to fleece my lovely friend out of as much money as possible in their upcoming divorce.

She is doing everything to keep a roof over their children heads while he bleats on about only paying for one school shoe as they are 50/50.

I knew it was my sister because she posted photos of her bedroom