Ever see a post so specific that you are sure you know the OP, IRL?

[chessica]

For ages I’ve wondered if friends, family, colleagues, neighbours etc use mumsnet but I suppose most people wouldn’t really say if they did. Recently I’ve seen a really identifying post, which is a very big coincidence if it’s NOT the person I know!!

Got me thinking - how many people have recognised someone?

I recognised someone because they mentioned having recently gone on holiday to a certain place, their job, their religion and having twins. I thought oh can’t be that many Buddhist twin mum doctors who just came back from this place. I’ve changed a few details but it was along this lines. Once I realised the style etc made it very obvious it was her.

Several times but none of them have been people I've known well, other mums from the same school etc. One always pops up on threads asking about schools in our area and also posted something very specific about a group we are both in. One posted about moving from our town to a town a hundred miles away when I knew a family from my DCs class were moving there. Another posted about a fairly unique incident at my DCs school (school winning an award).

I would like to think if I was recognised that I wouldn't care. I try not to post anything too identifying or things that I wouldn't be willing to share in real life. Although sometimes maybe I do jump on the bandwagon in AIBU.

I guess it someone searched all of my posts there might be a full pattern of detail I didn't want people to know but do people actually care enough to do that?! If they told me I would hope they would be a bit embarrassed at having that level of investment.

Yes I've recognised two MN users. Never told them!

One has a long running MN thread but hasn't updated it for a couple of years now. Through her FB I can see she is doing okay, still in a similar situation though, and I privately wonder why she doesn't update the MN thread as people have occasionally written "thinking of you" comments. I'd never tell her I've spotted her though.

The other is a former friend who basically ghosted me after I told her I was at risk of PND. Again, I wouldn't tell her I recognise her, but we are not in touch anyway. It's odd reading her posts though, feels like a literal ghost.

Once because the post was very specific. Not sure if she'd name changed as I hadn't seen the user name before or since. No idea if she realised who I was when I responded on the thread.

It's not always the situations. Sometimes it's in the username.

I recognised my cousin on here, she posted details very openly and did things like meet up with people on here (I did that too back in the day, things were a bit different then). She clearly had no problem with people knowing about her life, but I never said hi on here, we're not that close IRL. Then she posted something really rude about me which was upsetting for multiple reasons. Anyway, I dont think she's on here now, she got tired of being accused of being a troll when everything she posted about her life was true/her honest perspective.

I've seen a couple of friends on here, usually when they posted under a version of their real names. Again, it was different back then...

Same goes. I've seen references for shows and books I'm known to love and even my first name. None of them are me.

I worked out I did the same Zumba class as another MNer on a thread about something totally unrelated. I never worked out exactly which person it was, but she probably worked out who I am as I was usually in the front row (only space left by the time I used to arrive) & she was in the back row. I didn't mind as I don't post much of any interest.

I spotted an old friend after she posted some small, but very identifiable details that only I would know about. I had a quick look through her other posts and there were things in them about her family, kids names, another old friend and other aspects of her life that confirmed it was her. Her username was also a bit of a giveaway too!

Yes, I spotted a friend as they posted a couple of very specific things. They also posted something quite shocking on a ‘secrets’ thread, which changed my view of them.

This would be my worst nightmare!!

I change lots of details in my posts to avoid this from happening…

So if I’m talking about my 9 year old son I change it to an 8 year old daughter…

Or if I’m talking about a woman I work with I will change it to “my neighbour”.

If I’m talking about a weeks holiday in Spain I had, I change it to a three day stay in France.

If I’m talking about my friend’s birthday party I change it to a colleagues retirement party…

If I’m talking about my neighbours really annoying Dalmatian, I change it to her really annoying Spaniel.

Etc etc etc

I keep to the actually storyline but I make little changes to some of the identifying details.

I also change my username every 6 months or so.

I have been on MN for about 15 years and I have on occasion seen a thread which I do think may have been written by someone I know but I never comment and I never mention it in real life.

Yes. From a post about something very local to us. A snoop at her other posts made it very clear who it was. Just as much of a liar and a professional ‘victim’ on here as in real life.
As another poster said above, it was a reminder not to believe everything in an OP.

But could they have nicked the story from MN and passed it off as their own?

Over the years, I’ve known of people recounting my own story back to me as if it happened to them. Or said something happened to them that I know happened to another person.

With so many people changing identifying details, how can anyone know they've spotted someone?

If the details didn't stack up, how do you know it was the person you know lying, rather than a different person entirely?

@SurprisedWithAHorse because every single other thing stacked up on it being her. There were a few things she posted that were incredibly outing - as I say, location was one. And a lot of the lies she told on here, I’d heard in real life too.

Nothing particularly intriguing, but one or two things about her home life were interesting, and a comment about another person at work which surprised me - and I could easily identify who she meant.

Yep, same with the poster I recognised, who I worked with. I don't think she would ever imagine that anyone from that workplace would be on MN as it wasn't in the UK.

This is why I NC often. Numerous times a week sometime and always if I'm posting anything relevant to a current situation or something identifiable. At least then if you are recognised people can't trawl back through years worth of posts and see everything else you've ever said. I've posted about all sorts of embarrassing issues here from my sex life to health problems. I like having an anonymous place to ask for advice so I don't hold back and I'd be mortified if anyone recognised me.

Also a good idea to change a few details in identifiable posts even if it's just the age/sex of your dc or whatever.

Only once. A neighbour. I was searching about how bad my home town was and saw a post where the lady described where she lived, the street, it's problems and her problems.

I did have to laugh because she had everyone feeling sorry for her and she'd left some details out. She has shouted at my children a few times (for no good reason) and never says hi or smiles. Yet the post was all about how unfriendly people on the street are.

One good thing to come out of it was that if my children got shouted at by her again (and they did), I could tell them not to worry because it's not personal. My son said she's a horrid woman and I told him not to play near her bit of the street and that we don't know what problems people are dealing with. If I hadn't seen the post I probably would have felt animosity towards her for laying into my DCs. Instead I held back and realised she's just having a hard time.

No but I bet people have recognised me 😄

I recognised a family member on here from numerous posts, they even had a thread about me. They had bent the truth somewhat (didn't surprise me at all as they are the same IRL) and most of the replies were to defend me anyway so I was quite chuffed.

Yes. Was outed in the same thread twice.
Was pretty horrible to be honest and caused a lot of anxiety.

But if they use the same name across different forums and the details have been the same and quite specific, and they have a lot of posts - it's easy.